My head has not been on my shoulders straight for the past handful of nights now. I want to chalk it up to it being the changing of the seasons currently, but I'm not entirely sure. Trying to strong-arm through it is getting progressively harder each day that passes.

To top it all off, I had to stop seeing my therapist some time ago because we were just not meeting half-way, mostly because I was not disclosing any of the important stuff to her, like my thoughts at the time etc.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually want to be helped. I already think I'm a burden to anyone I talk to, despite how well I've gotten to know them. Sure, I joke around a lot and throw in a sexual innuendo here and there and I'll leave it at that.

Do I want to keep breathing? The answer will always be an emboldened "yes". My will to live is far too strong. I just get the feeling nobody actually cares.