I am a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, many that landed me in the hospital, I'm not trying to brag about it either. What I'm trying to say here is, I have been in the farthest pits of life so many times, completely willing to die, and not being a pussy about it either. Like actually trying to not wake up, and the fact I stand here with you today is really only by mere luck and will on my part. I have become such a strong individual because of all the trauma I have been through, and I'm not about to just sit and wallow in self defeating mindset. I see a lot of it in the fandom, christ a lot of people I know here are the most self defeating people around. I'm gonna break the cycle, I think I already have. Some may see what I'm saying here as incoherent ramblings from someone who is on a downward spiral, but as I said in my previous journal, I have nowhere else to go but up at this point, and I'll make damn sure that I turn some heads before I'm dead and in the grave.