Hey guys, sorry for the silence lately. I've been dealing with kind of a lot since the start of the new year, and it's kind of been coming to a head over the past month or two or three. I'm hoping this journal will help to address some issues and sort of place where I'm at in life.

Where I'm at mentally

I'll start by saying that this isn't meant to be an excuse for my poor performance over the past few weeks; merely an explanation.

Earlier this month, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've known about these issues for the past three years or so, but only pursued treatment after discovering that mental health issues kinda run rampant in my family, and almost half of my extended family is medicated. My physician went ahead and prescribed me some medication as well, which I'll talk about a little more later.

Depression and anxiety... kinda suck. They're pervasive issues in my life that affect pretty much everything, especially the other items in this journal, and I'm only now starting to understand the stranglehold they've got on me. The depression makes it hard to do simple things (bathe, brush my teeth, clean my room) and keeps me trapped in my bed, staring at either my phone or the ceiling. Time spent out of bed is often spent trying to overcome a range of anxieties so that I can get literally anything done, but I usually can't, so my to-do lists tend to pile high until they fall and squish me. Like a bug. 🐞

It's frustrating, because it prevents me from doing things that I know I need to do, and oftentimes these things aren't even difficult tasks. Something as innocuous as finishing a 15 minute resume can turn into a multi-month affair, for instance.

Which brings me to...

Commissions

Unfortunately, they're still a work in progress. I'd like to thank all of my commissioners who've been patient with me, especially over the last couple months. Again, there's no excuse for how long I've taken on some of these. It's just... hard, to work on owed stuff. Sometimes I'll just open Clip Studio and stare at a blank canvas, too afraid to look at work that I've already started. But they need to get done, and they will be. Rest assured, all of my work time spent outside of streams will be dedicated to completing any owed pieces.

In the mean time I will be taking on new work, but only work that I'll be able to do in-stream. I'd like to commit myself entirely to owed pieces, but can't at the moment for financial reasons. I plan on streaming relatively often, and I'll announce when I do, as per usual.

Moving forward

I'm going to continue working on my mental health, 'cause like, like, fuck, man. Unfortunately, my current prescription has worsened my symptoms, but I'm going to continue to pursue treatment, and will also be signing up for therapy when I have my next appointment. I can't promise that the next few weeks will be great, but I'm confident that I'll come out of all of this a better deer.

I'm going to try to be better with getting back to everyone. I can't promise that I'll have everything completed as soon as I'd like to, but I'm still alive and am still working, and I haven't forgotten about you guys. Thanks again for being so patient, ya'll are p much the best.

Anything else?

A lot of people have talked to me about setting up a queue, which I think is an excellent idea. I'll be making and posting a list of in-progress work as soon as I get the chance, so expect that before the end of the weekend.

Also, in addition to a backlog of work to complete, I also have a small backlog of art to post. I'll try to get through that p soon.

Also also, shout-out to my boys who've been a great support to me, especially these past few weeks:
 Paper_Paws  DisparityBit  Fethyr  Spooky

Feel free to ask any questions down below. Hope all ya'll are having an awesome Friday. (: