thank you to those who are still sticking around these days especially since a lot of things have changed for me, it really warms me that i still have followers xD. My other half and i have taken in our nephew which has caused me to become even more hermit like and locked in my room with anxiety. As i type with my bleeding nubbys i cant help but feel Déjà vu as he is so much like my brother who passed away for both good and bad reasons, they were friends after all. Its as if life has given me an opportunity to bask in the grace of being an "authoritative figure" while in the same instance forcing me to be more patient and learn coping skills that i did not have with my brother. Ive worked very hard to get this far in my life, but it is still difficult. He took a hat that i had custom made in remembrance to my brother and lended it to some stranger which frustrates me as it meant a lot, I am however trying to be understanding. One of the things growing up that was most hard was living with my little brother , he and i would butt heads so bad and he'd take everything i had which made it difficult to move away from an already strained family dynamic, its so strange to feel these feelings of high alertness and sleeplessness that i had previously which is both bothersome and nostalgic who am I kidding ive always been sleepless o.o . What i would give to butt heads with my brother again.