Today I was out walking the dog and I saw this lady at a park bench, and she was crying. I asked her why, and sat down and tried to comfort her. She told me that these punk kids had called her cow and bessie and all these other mean names. She was really really sad.

I hugged her and told her everything would be okay. She looked pretty happy. I hated those punk kids for what they did. Fat girls are girls too you know, and they have feelings like everyone else. What if those kids woke up a few days later and were suddenly 500 pounds? Then I bet they'd feel sorry.

While in my revelry, I turned to find my dog gone. The fat lady had a bloodstained mouth. She ripped her skin off, and underneath was what I had secretly suspected all along...

THE FAT LADY WAS A BEAR.

Quickly I jumped out of the way, and used my bionic arm to toss the bear into a tree. The bear used her strength to tear the tree up. I distracted her with a convieniently placed hamburger, and with a fully charged shot from my longbow, dumped the felled beast into the Susquehanna river.

That's my day today. How was yours?