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country club kid...
12 years ago
General
If golf were a woman, she'd be the one who worms her way into your life, recommended by friends and family who insist she's 'a good girl with a good family', and insisting you love her.
She's demanding, infuriating, flighty, won't put out, and even when she does, its awkward and painful all around.
You tell her no, that you've nothing in common, that it isn't meant to be. And that you would rather go out with bowling, who's fun, easy, and a lot more down to earth.
But your parents insist she's the girl for you, that bowling isn't classy enough, and that you've got to make it work. Golf's the one with all the old family ties, all the connections, and you got to keep her happy, no matter what.
This woman. She makes you miserable. Especially when you finally resign yourself to giving it a try. Wooing her. Even though all you really want to do is call bowling up, tell her to put on the slutty undies, and meet you at the club.
I should know this. I've dated golf 4 times now.
So after all that, you must ask. Why. Surely the equine hath left its mortal coil, and the beatings, they will do no more.
In my most recent efforts to take up this bloody game, I've finally figured out a reason or two. So if you're ever looking to take up golf...
First off, it gives you focus. I shit you not. You have to squint, stare and make that little white ball the only thing in existence. Ignore everything else around you, and get your every movement just right. Fail any part of this, and you'll jar your hand, add to your blisters, and see the little white piece of shit mock you while bouncing and rolling to a halt a few meters away while everyone around you either dies laughing or pretends not to see.
Focus in itself is kinda boring, but the funny thing is, it actually helps with other things. Gaming I guess would be one that's relevant to a lot of us. I realised after every session at the driving range, when I got home, showered and just sat down for a good round of Payday or Red Orchestra 2, I was better at it. I breathed easier, didn't jerk my shots, picked my targets and generally played like a boss. Had one map on Payday 2 where I scored 152 kills, 148 headshots, the 4 being attempts to kill tazers that were shocking the shit out of me. So yeah. Focus.
The second, is when finally everything clicks into place, the focus, the form, and you smack that sucker good. You feel the faintest of clicks, hear the little 'tink' sound, rather than that horrible thud which indicates you've just attempted to dislocate your own elbow and dug a big fuckoff hole in the ground. The ball just FLIES, and it goes perfectly straight and long (heh heh). Its like hitting a perfect headshot on a running target in an FPS, but much, much more satisfying.
Annndddd then you swing and miss your next shot.
Fuck golf. Don't take it up. =P
She's demanding, infuriating, flighty, won't put out, and even when she does, its awkward and painful all around.
You tell her no, that you've nothing in common, that it isn't meant to be. And that you would rather go out with bowling, who's fun, easy, and a lot more down to earth.
But your parents insist she's the girl for you, that bowling isn't classy enough, and that you've got to make it work. Golf's the one with all the old family ties, all the connections, and you got to keep her happy, no matter what.
This woman. She makes you miserable. Especially when you finally resign yourself to giving it a try. Wooing her. Even though all you really want to do is call bowling up, tell her to put on the slutty undies, and meet you at the club.
I should know this. I've dated golf 4 times now.
So after all that, you must ask. Why. Surely the equine hath left its mortal coil, and the beatings, they will do no more.
In my most recent efforts to take up this bloody game, I've finally figured out a reason or two. So if you're ever looking to take up golf...
First off, it gives you focus. I shit you not. You have to squint, stare and make that little white ball the only thing in existence. Ignore everything else around you, and get your every movement just right. Fail any part of this, and you'll jar your hand, add to your blisters, and see the little white piece of shit mock you while bouncing and rolling to a halt a few meters away while everyone around you either dies laughing or pretends not to see.
Focus in itself is kinda boring, but the funny thing is, it actually helps with other things. Gaming I guess would be one that's relevant to a lot of us. I realised after every session at the driving range, when I got home, showered and just sat down for a good round of Payday or Red Orchestra 2, I was better at it. I breathed easier, didn't jerk my shots, picked my targets and generally played like a boss. Had one map on Payday 2 where I scored 152 kills, 148 headshots, the 4 being attempts to kill tazers that were shocking the shit out of me. So yeah. Focus.
The second, is when finally everything clicks into place, the focus, the form, and you smack that sucker good. You feel the faintest of clicks, hear the little 'tink' sound, rather than that horrible thud which indicates you've just attempted to dislocate your own elbow and dug a big fuckoff hole in the ground. The ball just FLIES, and it goes perfectly straight and long (heh heh). Its like hitting a perfect headshot on a running target in an FPS, but much, much more satisfying.
Annndddd then you swing and miss your next shot.
Fuck golf. Don't take it up. =P
