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Buckling down and cleaning up.
13 years ago
General
It's been nearly two years since I joined this site, even longer since I joined the fandom, yet I never sat down and did what I promised myself I would do all those years ago.
My name is Gabriel, or Ibrium if you prefer that name. I am just a regular little Fox with light brown eyes and a couple of scars here and there from silly decisions. I love to write and read, and if I would just sit down and take the time, I could probably draw as well.
Six years ago I decided I wanted to be a writer. I would bring a notepad and a book with me wherever I went. My imagination was on fire all the time with new ideas and thoughts of different and exotic worlds, characters, stories, etc., but I had one problem. I was lazy. I lacked motivation, still do to this day but I'm getting better. I was depressed all the time and thought about suicide more than once, but I never acted on it. My only escape was my imagination, in the worlds that I put down on paper or typed on my computer at home.
My grades dropped because I was missing school. I was bullied, teased, and beat up under the assumption that I was gay, come five years later they were right, but as I look back on it... there wasn't really anything to be ashamed of. I moved to Colorado in August of 2011, around the time that I created my account on this site. I wanted a fresh start, I wanted to live out my dream of becoming a writer and as a musician in the Furry community. But things didn't turn out the way I had hoped. My grades plummeted. I was always sick, the depression had gotten worse and I had never in my life felt so empty. I wasn't bullied and I had friends, but the problem that I faced wasn't external. It was me. I hated myself, but I couldn't change. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have the strength or willpower to force myself to do the things I wanted to do and giving up was easier than working hard. Maybe it was the negativity that I was raised into that kept me down, learning from the torturous days that I went through for the five years prior, I didn't know then, but reflecting on past events helped me to see what the problem was.
The problem with motivation is that it cannot be controlled from an outside force. Reassurances and kind words from friends and family are nice, but they do not stick. Medication will never work unless you yourself are ready to work on what it is that the medication is trying to fix. Everything is about a state of mind, and now that I have thought about it a lot, and come to terms with everything that there is that I need to be happy again, I have set my sights on the goal that I've procrastinated for six long years.
I promised myself that I would write, not to become famous, nor to make money, but instead to create the fabulous worlds and stories to share with everyone that would care to read them.
My name is Gabriel, and I pledge to buckle down and clean up my act so that I can finally share with you, the reader, my story.
My name is Gabriel, or Ibrium if you prefer that name. I am just a regular little Fox with light brown eyes and a couple of scars here and there from silly decisions. I love to write and read, and if I would just sit down and take the time, I could probably draw as well.
Six years ago I decided I wanted to be a writer. I would bring a notepad and a book with me wherever I went. My imagination was on fire all the time with new ideas and thoughts of different and exotic worlds, characters, stories, etc., but I had one problem. I was lazy. I lacked motivation, still do to this day but I'm getting better. I was depressed all the time and thought about suicide more than once, but I never acted on it. My only escape was my imagination, in the worlds that I put down on paper or typed on my computer at home.
My grades dropped because I was missing school. I was bullied, teased, and beat up under the assumption that I was gay, come five years later they were right, but as I look back on it... there wasn't really anything to be ashamed of. I moved to Colorado in August of 2011, around the time that I created my account on this site. I wanted a fresh start, I wanted to live out my dream of becoming a writer and as a musician in the Furry community. But things didn't turn out the way I had hoped. My grades plummeted. I was always sick, the depression had gotten worse and I had never in my life felt so empty. I wasn't bullied and I had friends, but the problem that I faced wasn't external. It was me. I hated myself, but I couldn't change. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have the strength or willpower to force myself to do the things I wanted to do and giving up was easier than working hard. Maybe it was the negativity that I was raised into that kept me down, learning from the torturous days that I went through for the five years prior, I didn't know then, but reflecting on past events helped me to see what the problem was.
The problem with motivation is that it cannot be controlled from an outside force. Reassurances and kind words from friends and family are nice, but they do not stick. Medication will never work unless you yourself are ready to work on what it is that the medication is trying to fix. Everything is about a state of mind, and now that I have thought about it a lot, and come to terms with everything that there is that I need to be happy again, I have set my sights on the goal that I've procrastinated for six long years.
I promised myself that I would write, not to become famous, nor to make money, but instead to create the fabulous worlds and stories to share with everyone that would care to read them.
My name is Gabriel, and I pledge to buckle down and clean up my act so that I can finally share with you, the reader, my story.
