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pist
18 years ago
General
so i left work today mad as all fucking hell. wasnt really sure what pissed me off in the first place, but i was driving home just PIST OFF. so i drove, and drove, and was mad, and drove some more, and i thought "hey, maybe i should be honest with myself and think about what i'm really angry about."
and that only pissed me off MORE.
so i thought, well maybe im just mad because my life sucks and i dont have the things i want. sure, that made a little sense, but then i remembered oh yea, if it werent for the god damn schools and WASTING MY ENTIRE LIFE LEARNING NOTHING i would be so successful and have everything i want.
in other words, i tried to think "well, im just mad because i havent done what i should have done to be successful etc."
but thats not even the case. i've been FUCKED IN THE ASS FOREVER. i /WOULD/ be successful if it werent for the shitty schools. excuse me, but dont you think that sending a kid to prison every day is going to have a huge momumentally negative impact on him?
im not even going to go into why the schools fuckt me and how my parents suck and the teachers etc. and how a kid can learn way better than they do in school, because i dont have to. im right, and i know it! fuck the schools, they suck! and fuck everyone who ever told me "oh you just didnt wanna do the work, you're lazy". fuck that, no im not. what, i dont want to learn? IM lazy? fuck!
usually i just drink a beer or smoke some pot, and this whole rightous anger thing tends to just fade away, BUT...
so yea there are lots of things im pissed off about, lots of things where people have fucked ME over and im just supposed to deal with it. but drugs are only going to make it worse and thats the ONE thing that i can do, erm, the one problem OF MY OWN that I can fix. And sure i can fix all the other problems people created for me (by people i literally, actually, factually mean THE SCHOOL SYSTEM - you know, those bastards that supposedly "teach" kids "things" about "stuff") and my parents who are too god damn retarded to realize i was just too smart for school, and that its retard baby school and fuck tarded. i dont give a fuck if they had to hire personal tutors and spend all their god damn money on me and a better education, i deserved it. well, at least i didnt deserve to be sent to hell every day for twenty years of my god damn life.
AND THEN THEY HAD THE AUDACITY TO SEND ME TO PSYCHIATRISTS LIKE EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
LIKE THERES SOMETHING /WRONG/ WITH /ME/! ME! FUCKING SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME IS WHAT THEY THOUGHT!
NO YOU FKCING IDIOTS ITS THE SCHOOLS! AND IM MAD AS HELL!
so now im all pissed off at the schools. im pissed off what they did to me, how they robbed me of any self-confidence, and basically made me jaded as hell. im pissed off that the schools werent better, and im pissed off that in the end, i really didnt learn anything. im pissed off that the schools are designed to "educate" the dumbest among us when they should be geared toward enabling the brightest. i'm pissed that i have to live with the consequences of teachers mistakes, and im pissed off that ***I*** have to pay for it and no one else does. i really just want to kill idiots, i want to hold society responsible for being so incompetent. im just SO FUCKING ANGRY GOD DAMNIT because i could be so much better than i am today, and its mostly other people's fault. and i mean that.
sure i have a tendancy to blame other people for things i do, and thats something i need to work on. but ITS NOT PRODUCTIVE to just pretend like i wasnt fucked. i'm angry, and this anger isnt just going away on its own.
and you know what? im a real nice person too.
my whole life, i remember people saying things like "oh kids just make fun of each other because it makes themselves feel better"
and i thought "wow, how pathetic that someone would cut someone else down just to build themselves up"
but lately, ive been realizing, it really DOES make me feel better to just rip into someone, even if they dont deserve it. and i kind of like it too. you see, i often question whether im right in being angry about something, and im the first to make excuses for other people's shortcomings. but thats over, done. my new attitude is "fuck you if you're stupid" because its the stupid people who NEVER EVER TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHERE IM COMING FROM. yea im arrogant, i'll admit it, but not very arrogant. and i at least have something to back it up with.
what i really cant tolerate is arrogance combined with stupidity. thats what causes problems, and thats why the schools suck, ultimately.
and that only pissed me off MORE.
so i thought, well maybe im just mad because my life sucks and i dont have the things i want. sure, that made a little sense, but then i remembered oh yea, if it werent for the god damn schools and WASTING MY ENTIRE LIFE LEARNING NOTHING i would be so successful and have everything i want.
in other words, i tried to think "well, im just mad because i havent done what i should have done to be successful etc."
but thats not even the case. i've been FUCKED IN THE ASS FOREVER. i /WOULD/ be successful if it werent for the shitty schools. excuse me, but dont you think that sending a kid to prison every day is going to have a huge momumentally negative impact on him?
im not even going to go into why the schools fuckt me and how my parents suck and the teachers etc. and how a kid can learn way better than they do in school, because i dont have to. im right, and i know it! fuck the schools, they suck! and fuck everyone who ever told me "oh you just didnt wanna do the work, you're lazy". fuck that, no im not. what, i dont want to learn? IM lazy? fuck!
usually i just drink a beer or smoke some pot, and this whole rightous anger thing tends to just fade away, BUT...
so yea there are lots of things im pissed off about, lots of things where people have fucked ME over and im just supposed to deal with it. but drugs are only going to make it worse and thats the ONE thing that i can do, erm, the one problem OF MY OWN that I can fix. And sure i can fix all the other problems people created for me (by people i literally, actually, factually mean THE SCHOOL SYSTEM - you know, those bastards that supposedly "teach" kids "things" about "stuff") and my parents who are too god damn retarded to realize i was just too smart for school, and that its retard baby school and fuck tarded. i dont give a fuck if they had to hire personal tutors and spend all their god damn money on me and a better education, i deserved it. well, at least i didnt deserve to be sent to hell every day for twenty years of my god damn life.
AND THEN THEY HAD THE AUDACITY TO SEND ME TO PSYCHIATRISTS LIKE EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
LIKE THERES SOMETHING /WRONG/ WITH /ME/! ME! FUCKING SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME IS WHAT THEY THOUGHT!
NO YOU FKCING IDIOTS ITS THE SCHOOLS! AND IM MAD AS HELL!
so now im all pissed off at the schools. im pissed off what they did to me, how they robbed me of any self-confidence, and basically made me jaded as hell. im pissed off that the schools werent better, and im pissed off that in the end, i really didnt learn anything. im pissed off that the schools are designed to "educate" the dumbest among us when they should be geared toward enabling the brightest. i'm pissed that i have to live with the consequences of teachers mistakes, and im pissed off that ***I*** have to pay for it and no one else does. i really just want to kill idiots, i want to hold society responsible for being so incompetent. im just SO FUCKING ANGRY GOD DAMNIT because i could be so much better than i am today, and its mostly other people's fault. and i mean that.
sure i have a tendancy to blame other people for things i do, and thats something i need to work on. but ITS NOT PRODUCTIVE to just pretend like i wasnt fucked. i'm angry, and this anger isnt just going away on its own.
and you know what? im a real nice person too.
my whole life, i remember people saying things like "oh kids just make fun of each other because it makes themselves feel better"
and i thought "wow, how pathetic that someone would cut someone else down just to build themselves up"
but lately, ive been realizing, it really DOES make me feel better to just rip into someone, even if they dont deserve it. and i kind of like it too. you see, i often question whether im right in being angry about something, and im the first to make excuses for other people's shortcomings. but thats over, done. my new attitude is "fuck you if you're stupid" because its the stupid people who NEVER EVER TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHERE IM COMING FROM. yea im arrogant, i'll admit it, but not very arrogant. and i at least have something to back it up with.
what i really cant tolerate is arrogance combined with stupidity. thats what causes problems, and thats why the schools suck, ultimately.
