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Weight
14 years ago
General
I hate talking about this with anyone, much less the entire furry community. But I also can't run from this forever. To make this easier for myself, I'll go through this point by point.
1 - I am a morbidly obese person. I weigh, at present, a shocking 480-490 lbs. It is hard to say where I am in that range because affordable personal scales tend to have a harder time with accuracy as you go up for various reasons, and I'd imagine all the extra "water weight" a huge body can hold would result in a lot of fluctuation as well.
2 - In terms of the completely unreal, fantasy world of what we choose to imagine ourselves and portray ourselves as "physically" in furry, I am not morbidly obese. This is not something I am comfortable with being. This is not something I accept about myself. This is not something I find acceptable. This is not something I want to fantasize about being - EVER. Most furries idealize themselves in their furry forms in one manner or another. One way I do it is in relation to being a healthy, skinny sort of fox "in-character." One reason I am not very keen on getting a fursuit even though I want one desperately is that I do not want my character to be fat, and to wear that suit while I'm this weight - well, you get the idea. That said, I'm considering it anyway - it would sure encourage me to exercise more at cons too, and I shouldn't get too self-conscious - for every fur that finds my weight disgusting, there's a chubby chaser wanting to glomp any big fursuiters they see. Sigh. :P
3 - Given the above, given the health concerns such high weight brings, given I have been heavy since the onset of puberty and it has only gotten worse over the years, given I have bi-polar depression and hypothyroidism which not only can lead to weight gain but heart problems if you don't manage it with medication (which I have skipped taking far too often in the last year), one can conclude I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER.
This is a wake-up call. IF I DO NOT DO SOMETHING, I AM GOING TO DIE. Probably soon™. I do not want to die. Anyone that knows me very well personally knows that my fear of death is ridiculously high, even for someone my age. I don't wake up as much at night as I used to worrying about it, but I still do sometimes. Maybe I'd fear it less if I didn't feel it was watching over my shoulder. I'm afraid. And that's okay. But I need to use that nervous energy positively.
Not to induce panic or anything with myself here, but honestly, I think I need to take this situation a little, or rather, a LOT more seriously. I can't just continue to stick my head in the sand and either a.) Pretend everything is okay or b.) Beat myself up and talk about how terrible life is and how terrible I am and spend all my energy on self-esteem downing nonsense instead of what I actually need - action. I've talked with my doctor, and I have a plan I'd like to share with those of my friends who keep up with FA, and anyone else that cares to take an interest.
What I'm doing (and have been for a couple days now):
1 - Taking medication every day. Synthroid is necessary, and my bipolar meds are necessary. They're required for their own reasons like heart and mental health, but they'll help me lose weight as well through a properly functioning metabolism and better, more stable moods.
2 - Exercise for 30-45 minutes every day. Walking around the neighborhood, and perhaps making an ass of myself on DDR at home as I feel healthier again.
3 - Watching what kinds of foods I eat, though not cutting myself off from them entirely. Swearing off of things like cheesecake or burgers forever will result in diet failure. The key is MODERATION when I eat, and eating that stuff infrequently.
4 - Which brings us to the most important point - Moderating my caloric intake. If I eat like a cow, I'll look like a cow, not a fox. I don't approve of this.
I feel unattractive, unhealthy, and stupid. Whether or not I am or not isn't as important as how I feel about it. I need to stop feeling that way about it, and losing weight is no miraculous fix-all - but it would help. I'm aware that I'm eating myself into an early grave, and I'm a very intelligent person - intelligent enough to see truly how sad and foolish that is. Therefore, limits must be imposed.
My "weak" willpower needs to be improved. I need to stop telling myself I have bad willpower and instead, as one of my most beloved friends told me, "admit that willpower is something [I] could stand to improve." Insulting myself and insisting my willpower is bad just lets me surrender on some intrinsic, subconscious level, even as I claim to work on it. So, what do I need to practice throwing my improving willpower at? LIMITING WHAT I EAT EVERY DAY. I will be limiting myself to 2,000 calories a day as recommended by my doctor, and once weight loss becomes difficult at that level of restriction I'll up the calorie limit and increase exercise to bring my body out of "starvation" mode and settle in for the long-haul of losing weight. Last time I did that, I lost 50 lbs before I hit that limit, and then lost another 20 in the long-haul portion. I got down to 350 when I was done. Sadly, I ballooned back up to 400, and over time, to 480. I'm tempted to write "What have I done..." but it's unproductive. Instead, I must look at this as a challenge. Probably one of the greatest challenges I'll ever face.
And I'll kick its ass.
Gamers do that to challenges.
1 - I am a morbidly obese person. I weigh, at present, a shocking 480-490 lbs. It is hard to say where I am in that range because affordable personal scales tend to have a harder time with accuracy as you go up for various reasons, and I'd imagine all the extra "water weight" a huge body can hold would result in a lot of fluctuation as well.
2 - In terms of the completely unreal, fantasy world of what we choose to imagine ourselves and portray ourselves as "physically" in furry, I am not morbidly obese. This is not something I am comfortable with being. This is not something I accept about myself. This is not something I find acceptable. This is not something I want to fantasize about being - EVER. Most furries idealize themselves in their furry forms in one manner or another. One way I do it is in relation to being a healthy, skinny sort of fox "in-character." One reason I am not very keen on getting a fursuit even though I want one desperately is that I do not want my character to be fat, and to wear that suit while I'm this weight - well, you get the idea. That said, I'm considering it anyway - it would sure encourage me to exercise more at cons too, and I shouldn't get too self-conscious - for every fur that finds my weight disgusting, there's a chubby chaser wanting to glomp any big fursuiters they see. Sigh. :P
3 - Given the above, given the health concerns such high weight brings, given I have been heavy since the onset of puberty and it has only gotten worse over the years, given I have bi-polar depression and hypothyroidism which not only can lead to weight gain but heart problems if you don't manage it with medication (which I have skipped taking far too often in the last year), one can conclude I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER.
This is a wake-up call. IF I DO NOT DO SOMETHING, I AM GOING TO DIE. Probably soon™. I do not want to die. Anyone that knows me very well personally knows that my fear of death is ridiculously high, even for someone my age. I don't wake up as much at night as I used to worrying about it, but I still do sometimes. Maybe I'd fear it less if I didn't feel it was watching over my shoulder. I'm afraid. And that's okay. But I need to use that nervous energy positively.
Not to induce panic or anything with myself here, but honestly, I think I need to take this situation a little, or rather, a LOT more seriously. I can't just continue to stick my head in the sand and either a.) Pretend everything is okay or b.) Beat myself up and talk about how terrible life is and how terrible I am and spend all my energy on self-esteem downing nonsense instead of what I actually need - action. I've talked with my doctor, and I have a plan I'd like to share with those of my friends who keep up with FA, and anyone else that cares to take an interest.
What I'm doing (and have been for a couple days now):
1 - Taking medication every day. Synthroid is necessary, and my bipolar meds are necessary. They're required for their own reasons like heart and mental health, but they'll help me lose weight as well through a properly functioning metabolism and better, more stable moods.
2 - Exercise for 30-45 minutes every day. Walking around the neighborhood, and perhaps making an ass of myself on DDR at home as I feel healthier again.
3 - Watching what kinds of foods I eat, though not cutting myself off from them entirely. Swearing off of things like cheesecake or burgers forever will result in diet failure. The key is MODERATION when I eat, and eating that stuff infrequently.
4 - Which brings us to the most important point - Moderating my caloric intake. If I eat like a cow, I'll look like a cow, not a fox. I don't approve of this.
I feel unattractive, unhealthy, and stupid. Whether or not I am or not isn't as important as how I feel about it. I need to stop feeling that way about it, and losing weight is no miraculous fix-all - but it would help. I'm aware that I'm eating myself into an early grave, and I'm a very intelligent person - intelligent enough to see truly how sad and foolish that is. Therefore, limits must be imposed.
My "weak" willpower needs to be improved. I need to stop telling myself I have bad willpower and instead, as one of my most beloved friends told me, "admit that willpower is something [I] could stand to improve." Insulting myself and insisting my willpower is bad just lets me surrender on some intrinsic, subconscious level, even as I claim to work on it. So, what do I need to practice throwing my improving willpower at? LIMITING WHAT I EAT EVERY DAY. I will be limiting myself to 2,000 calories a day as recommended by my doctor, and once weight loss becomes difficult at that level of restriction I'll up the calorie limit and increase exercise to bring my body out of "starvation" mode and settle in for the long-haul of losing weight. Last time I did that, I lost 50 lbs before I hit that limit, and then lost another 20 in the long-haul portion. I got down to 350 when I was done. Sadly, I ballooned back up to 400, and over time, to 480. I'm tempted to write "What have I done..." but it's unproductive. Instead, I must look at this as a challenge. Probably one of the greatest challenges I'll ever face.
And I'll kick its ass.
Gamers do that to challenges.
I'll take your advice into consideration, in other words.
Anyway, I'll make it my goal to exercise every day, but my policy to exercise at least every other day. As my body starts to feel more and more acclimated to moving around more, I'll change the policy to every day, and not just have it as a goal. If that makes sense.
My doctor has warned me before not to push myself too far. "Better you start slow and stick to it than go all-out and fall off the wagon" was the general gist. I have a tendency to go head-first ALL OUT ASSAULT into things. Heck, I wanted to try to ramp up to an hour or two of exercise a day within the month and I think my doctor was about ready to hit me across the head for a reality check. You know she had that concerned lip-biting look on her face when I even suggested an entire hour every day. *chuckle* Medically even, that could hurt me (bone structure due to all the weight I'm guessing), or so she says now.
HOWEVER, I don't want you setting a goal for yourself, then either killing yourself trying to meet it or getting frustrated because you're trying so hard with no comparable results.
I agree with Fendras: a gradual change is better than a sudden one. Your body is used to a certain level of activity & caloric intake; a sudden change may result in injury and your body going into 'starvation' mode.
Take it from someone in a similar circumstance: I'm strongly recommending POOL exercise. While your muscles & circulation may benefit from much exercise, your bones & joints will not. It's no good spending a day in vigorous exercise if you spend another 2 days laying around in pain recovering from it. Pool exercise is low to no impact, will work your muscles like crazy while being gentle on your bones & joints. 30 minutes pool walking will do you more good than 30 minutes jogging.
Also, bear in mind that muscles weigh more than fat. Don't be discouraged if there's no apparent weight loss after 3 months. even if you don't lose a pound, the exercise will make your body healthier, increase your flexibility, improve stamina in bed, etc.
As far as diet---don't kill yourself trying to keep track of points, etc. Concentrate on the kind of food you eat, instead of calories, or you'll find yourself drinking 2 sodas & eating a cup of cheetos for a meal. Start reading labels of the stuff you buy, so you can buy stuff with a higher nutritional payoff.
LOSE THE DAMNED SODAS. That's probably going to be the hardest thing for a gamer-boi like you to do, but I'm serious---lose the goddamned carbonated beverages. Also lose anything with high-fructose corn syrup in it (or corn sugar, as it's now trying to call itself). I'd rather you eat a cup of sugar than anything with high-fructose corn crap in it; the body processes the high-fructose stuff differently than other sugars, to your body's detriment.
Keep tons of fresh veggies on hand for snacking on, also nuts & dried unsweetened fruit. Try using honey for sweetener instead of sugar. Get brown rice & whole grain pasta instead of white. If you have to have chips on hand, try looking at the stuff in the organic aisle (or store). There's usually less junk in them. Start cooking your own food, instead of buying pre-processed. It's more of a hassle, but not only does the meal contain just what you yourself put in it, but you get to brag to your mom that you actually cooked a meal from scratch. Invest in a crock-pot, an electric skillet, and a George Foreman grill.
I'll be happy to throw a few easy recipes at you.
Sorry if I went overboard!!
Ohh Kwan. I love you girl.
I do agree though with all of the above. And I will integrate most of that into things with time. With possible exception to the swimming bit. I utterly despise swimming. Maybe once I lose more weight. Or if I start to have pain issues - I haven't yet. My age helps me a lot with that, I think.
Chips will be hard to give up too - I REALLY love Mike Sells salt & vinegar potato chips. >.<
Changing the quality of your caloric intake, learning to cook, & swimming will NOT be a shock to your system, although they may be a shock to your comfort zone. :D
Sometimes if you give something up, you find yourself totally binging on it later. So, you don't necessarily have to give up chips. Just get healthier ones, and work out a deal that for every cup of chips you eat, you also have to eat something GOOD at the same time to counterbalance it (and also it will fill you up so you east less chips)(by good, I mean like a fresh veggie, or a protein like cheese, yogurt, meat, or nuts). Do some comparison-shopping, looking at the nutritional info (how much oil, sugars, & extra bullshit they throw in there).
<.<
>.>
Psssst.......Mike-Sells uses peanut oil, that's a big plus in it's favor.