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Birthdays, Breakdowns, changes, and transformations
a week ago
General
Hey ya'll! Lunar here!
So, heads up, this journal is as much just a means for me to get my thoughts out as it is a recap of things in my life as of late. To start, my birthday is coming up (march 28th) and this time of year puts me in a weird headspace. so far, 2026 has been beating the shit outta me. Two months of having pneumonia. $605 owed to the IRS. My boyfriend's body falling apart. My mom basically being held hostage in a care facility until we can get her medicaid. And my finances taking a shit... its been shit all around no doubt ^^;
There's been some good too. My best friend is moving in with me, my mom, and my BF, so that should help. For those of you who don't know, I'm transitioning (MtF), and recently celebrated a year and a half, and so far I'm doing well! And I got a new boss at work who has improved things MASSIVELY! So it's not all bad... or so I keep telling myself...
As for the in between? I've been suffering from chronic stress and burnout for years, and things finally hit a breaking point. I had several breakdowns last year, but recently I kinda hit a new kind of emotional break. I've been to the point I wanted to die before, but this? This is worse. I'm just... numb. Like, I know I want things. friends, comfort, warmth... but now I just don't really care if I get them. I just feel hollow... like my mind is still here but my soul is gone. I know it's awful, but I I'm numb even to that.
Anyway, if anyone actually read this? Thank you, genuinely. I love you all, and hope for the best for you all. If the only thing I leave behind in the end is stories and love? Well, I'd be okay with that. Take care <3
So, heads up, this journal is as much just a means for me to get my thoughts out as it is a recap of things in my life as of late. To start, my birthday is coming up (march 28th) and this time of year puts me in a weird headspace. so far, 2026 has been beating the shit outta me. Two months of having pneumonia. $605 owed to the IRS. My boyfriend's body falling apart. My mom basically being held hostage in a care facility until we can get her medicaid. And my finances taking a shit... its been shit all around no doubt ^^;
There's been some good too. My best friend is moving in with me, my mom, and my BF, so that should help. For those of you who don't know, I'm transitioning (MtF), and recently celebrated a year and a half, and so far I'm doing well! And I got a new boss at work who has improved things MASSIVELY! So it's not all bad... or so I keep telling myself...
As for the in between? I've been suffering from chronic stress and burnout for years, and things finally hit a breaking point. I had several breakdowns last year, but recently I kinda hit a new kind of emotional break. I've been to the point I wanted to die before, but this? This is worse. I'm just... numb. Like, I know I want things. friends, comfort, warmth... but now I just don't really care if I get them. I just feel hollow... like my mind is still here but my soul is gone. I know it's awful, but I I'm numb even to that.
Anyway, if anyone actually read this? Thank you, genuinely. I love you all, and hope for the best for you all. If the only thing I leave behind in the end is stories and love? Well, I'd be okay with that. Take care <3
I'd love to call you a friend ^^