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One capter ends, and a new begins. End of 2025
a month ago
General
Well the end has reached us again, the year 2025 is coming to and end, and it has certainly been a year with a lot of ups and downs, and I honestly have no idea where to begin this.
First of all I want to say thank you to everybody who has been with me throughout this year, especially to those who were supporting me in some rather difficult times. Relatively early in the year I started to go into therapy, to handle my rather severe self doubts. Constantly my mind is searching flaws in me, is judging myself with everything I do or make, even when it comes to holding conversations with people it was there. It had gotten so bad that I was losing hope, in me and the future ahead of me. I had wanted to go into therapy for a long time, but well those self doubts where also the reason which were holding me back to actually go to someone. At least until my old boss noticed my silents help calls and actually helped me with going to someone...
Therapy itself was... difficult... very so, but it was helping me, so much that I am now not breaking myself too hard. My problems aren't gone, but they have somewhat gotten better.
What else I want to say is sorry, sorry to everyone who I haven't talked much. I know for those that want to talk to me it must feel awful that I don't really respond much, or in general talk in any way shape or form. Trust me, I do want to talk more, I do want to socialize more but it is difficult. I work in logistics, specifically in distribution which requires me to talk a lot to various people such as my higher ups and our drivers. This in addition to dealing with all kinds of language barriers leaves me heavily exhausted when I get home from work. Besides that it is basically fuel for my self doubts and it drives me crazy.
I always see people interacting with each other in either VC or just general chats, and I just have no energy to join into any conversations or I'm just hindered by thinking wrong. Even with Dms... I see them, I read each and all of them, and I smile about them, even when its with a sad smile. Sometimes days, weeks or even months pass and I just look at them, and have no idea what to respond to the message that was sent to me. It is not that I have no interest in you, not at all, it is just that I have no mental energy to actually respond. So please don't think wrong of me if I don't respond.
Now 2026 is right around the corner and I unfortunately have to say that I'm expecting a loss relatively early in the year. My small dog named Sina, is 18 now, and her body is... getting weaker with each passing week. She's still so full of life and happiness with us, but it is clear that the time is slowly coming. We had her since she was very little, and we raised her as part of the family. We went through so much with her, and we enjoyed every moment we had so far with her and we still enjoy the time we still have with her even if we eventually have to accept what is coming. To everyone who owns a pet, give it a good hug and always keep them close in your heart.
To something more positive, art. I've been part of the furry community for a little while now. (Even though I have no idea what it means being part of a community)
But I've reached quite a watch number, and thanks to everyone who is watching me. Originally I wanted to do a raffle at maybe around 200-500 watchers and later another one at 1k (Currently at 967) but I have a few problems. First the whole management, like I have only a small idea on how to host something like that. And secondly the.... concept? What would people prefer? A fully custom piece with me or any of my many many characters, or a more ych based thing, like me being sub or dom with the 'guest'
Would actually like to know what is more liked.
Enough of me talking your ear or frill off. Thank you for reading through the whole thing if you did and, I do hope everybody is having a lovely time with their friends and family in the current holiday time.
Stay safe everyone and always stay healthy ^_^
First of all I want to say thank you to everybody who has been with me throughout this year, especially to those who were supporting me in some rather difficult times. Relatively early in the year I started to go into therapy, to handle my rather severe self doubts. Constantly my mind is searching flaws in me, is judging myself with everything I do or make, even when it comes to holding conversations with people it was there. It had gotten so bad that I was losing hope, in me and the future ahead of me. I had wanted to go into therapy for a long time, but well those self doubts where also the reason which were holding me back to actually go to someone. At least until my old boss noticed my silents help calls and actually helped me with going to someone...
Therapy itself was... difficult... very so, but it was helping me, so much that I am now not breaking myself too hard. My problems aren't gone, but they have somewhat gotten better.
What else I want to say is sorry, sorry to everyone who I haven't talked much. I know for those that want to talk to me it must feel awful that I don't really respond much, or in general talk in any way shape or form. Trust me, I do want to talk more, I do want to socialize more but it is difficult. I work in logistics, specifically in distribution which requires me to talk a lot to various people such as my higher ups and our drivers. This in addition to dealing with all kinds of language barriers leaves me heavily exhausted when I get home from work. Besides that it is basically fuel for my self doubts and it drives me crazy.
I always see people interacting with each other in either VC or just general chats, and I just have no energy to join into any conversations or I'm just hindered by thinking wrong. Even with Dms... I see them, I read each and all of them, and I smile about them, even when its with a sad smile. Sometimes days, weeks or even months pass and I just look at them, and have no idea what to respond to the message that was sent to me. It is not that I have no interest in you, not at all, it is just that I have no mental energy to actually respond. So please don't think wrong of me if I don't respond.
Now 2026 is right around the corner and I unfortunately have to say that I'm expecting a loss relatively early in the year. My small dog named Sina, is 18 now, and her body is... getting weaker with each passing week. She's still so full of life and happiness with us, but it is clear that the time is slowly coming. We had her since she was very little, and we raised her as part of the family. We went through so much with her, and we enjoyed every moment we had so far with her and we still enjoy the time we still have with her even if we eventually have to accept what is coming. To everyone who owns a pet, give it a good hug and always keep them close in your heart.
To something more positive, art. I've been part of the furry community for a little while now. (Even though I have no idea what it means being part of a community)
But I've reached quite a watch number, and thanks to everyone who is watching me. Originally I wanted to do a raffle at maybe around 200-500 watchers and later another one at 1k (Currently at 967) but I have a few problems. First the whole management, like I have only a small idea on how to host something like that. And secondly the.... concept? What would people prefer? A fully custom piece with me or any of my many many characters, or a more ych based thing, like me being sub or dom with the 'guest'
Would actually like to know what is more liked.
Enough of me talking your ear or frill off. Thank you for reading through the whole thing if you did and, I do hope everybody is having a lovely time with their friends and family in the current holiday time.
Stay safe everyone and always stay healthy ^_^
But I hope the best for you in the next year!
Also for a raffle I would definetly do a custom piece with you/ a character of yours and the winner because that has the most possibilities! You should of course set some boundries before so people knowhat you arent comfortable with.
Sad to hear about your dog, though. I had to say goodbye to my family's last cat in 2025, that shit hurts. Enjoy the time you have left with your dog to the best you can <3
Raffles are interesting. I am thinking about doing one when I hit 1k watchers. Probably gonna do a custom one, decided on with the winner. But I have seen diferent takes on these, so there's lots of options.
I also had to lose pets last year, so I can understand that...
I also understand well how hard it is to communicate sometimes, but you are still well done. You have a lot of wonderful art and we will be glad to see something new and interesting every time <3