I gotta get this out…

This year really hasn’t been the year that I had hoped it would be.

The prescription medications I’m currently taking aren’t really helping my depression any….

Since a friend’s departure from Discord, I’ve been way more depressed than I normally would be. I say departure bc I honestly don’t know whether he’s alive or dead.

I’ve been a lot angrier than I normally would be. I’ve been a raging maniac as is… almost every day…. Work, pets, and my own father hadn’t really done me any favors…..

My situation at work isn’t that much better, they will not give me any additional hours and I have said to my mom that I wanted OUT of Zaxby’s. This week and next week, I’m really going to push as hard as I can to get what I need to apply to technical school bc Zaxby’s isn’t working out for me LITERALLY AT ALL.

Because of the strains and stresses of work, I’ve slept significantly less than I usually would have. I’ve been sleeping 2, 3, sometimes 4 hours when someone my age should be sleeping 5 or 6. And since my teenage years, the amount of sleep I have had has been cut literally in half. Every day I constantly feel irritable and tired because I am so sleep deprived. And whenever I do have 7 or 8 hours of sleep, there is no relief. I don’t feel any rest. I’m restless even when sleeping.

I’ve reached a point where I’m not motivated to help my mom or dad out around the house because I am so miserable.

This is not glossing over the fact that my allergy problems have significantly worsened since 2023. I’ve been sneezing extremely violently, at times, REPEATEDLY, that I’m now starting to develop respiratory problems. For the past month I’ve struggled with shortness of breath. Almost Asthma-like problems.

Since the previous week alone, I’m now starting to develop bladder and bowel problems. I’m more constipated than usual and my bladder is all over the place. Sometimes when I feel like I have to use the restroom, I can’t use it because nothing wants to come out half the time.

I’m in a lot of physical, mental, and emotional pain. Something that may follow me forever if action isn’t taken soon.

2025 has truly been the WORST year of my entire life

All I want you to know from all this is… I’m in bad shape…. Mentally, in a bad state…

I am currently seeking psychiatric and psychological therapy… and hope to start receiving some first of next week….. But I’m not sure even that will help me. My emotional wall is on the verge of total collapse.

This is literally the first time I have genuinely felt this empty in my entire life….

With this overwhelming sense of emptiness and dread, I honestly feel that my best days are behind me.

I am EXTREMELY pessimistic about 2026.

I don’t have high hopes that it’ll be even remotely better.

The days of me truly being happy maybe a thing of the past. It might be the end of an era.