This is a goodbye, or maybe just a see you later. I am done. For the past four years or more, I have tried my hardest to just be allowed to exist and grow. I have not been allowed that luxury, unfortunately.

For years, things have happened to me on such a regular basis that healing has felt impossible. Every time I thought I was making progress, something came along to drag me right back down—job losses, financial emergencies, health struggles, or drama I never wanted to be part of.

No, none of that excuses my mistakes. I fucked up, and I am sorry. I have said and done things out of pain, out of self-destruction, and I regret them deeply. I’ve admitted that, I’ve owned that, I’ve worked to be better—but somehow, it has never been enough.

People don’t see the work I’ve put into changing. They don’t see the effort that goes into every commission, even when I’m battling chronic health issues, PTSD, depression, and insomnia. They don’t see how art is my only source of income, and how I’ve tried to keep up with my backlog even when my body and mind were falling apart.

They don’t see that the only loans I’ve ever taken out were small ones—emergency vet bills, sudden refunds, keeping my head above water after losing work. They don’t see how much it has cost me to keep going at all.

They don’t see the nights I lose sleep over commissions, over community issues, over the fear that no matter what I do, people will only ever see me as who I was, not who I am now. They don’t see how much I care. That I cry over animals suffering. That I have built Scarlet Moon Exotics on a foundation of responsibility and respect for life. That I have given my time, my energy, my heart to educate, to create, to build spaces where people could feel safe and seen.

And yet, the very community I poured myself into—the Discord server I grew, nurtured, and worked so hard to protect—became a place I no longer felt safe. That hurt more than I can ever put into words. Leaving it behind was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I had to. Because I couldn’t keep pretending that I was okay in a space where I constantly felt like a target instead of a person. It is in good hands now, and I trust the people running it, but walking away from something I built with my whole heart nearly broke me.

Do you think I enjoy living like this? Constantly on edge, constantly wondering if today will be the day people let me move on—or if it’s just another day of whispers, of twisting my words, of painting me as a monster I am not? I am not a monster. I am human. I am flawed, I am broken, but I am trying. And I always have been.

I am tired. Tired of being a scapegoat, your villain, your excuse. Tired of having every word twisted and every effort dismissed. Tired of begging for the space to heal when all I want is to move forward.

If you want to hate me, then hate me. But don’t drag down everything I love with you. Don’t try to ruin Scarlet Moon Exotics. Don’t destroy my art, my projects, my friendships. Don’t take away the last pieces of light I’ve fought to protect through everything.

Because this is it. I can’t keep reliving the same cycle. I can’t keep carrying the weight of the past when I have done everything I can to leave it behind. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to explain anymore. I don’t want to keep being punished for a version of myself I no longer am.

So go ahead. Believe what you want. Twist it however you need to. But know this: I am not giving up. Even if I have to rebuild from nothing again, I will keep going. I will keep healing. I will keep creating. I will keep building Scarlet Moon Exotics, I will keep making art, I will keep fighting to be someone I can be proud of. Even if I have to do it alone.

At the end of the day, I am human. And no one can take that away from me.

And for you, the ones I know who are watching me. I will not be complying and losing that I love again because you have taken everything against me for your own gain. Do what you will.