too much is going on but I will summarize.

1.) had to increase hours at work to between 40 and 41 (all they would allow) because taxes have been raised where I live. so to make ends meet I have to work more. I am not willing to put myself through getting a second job because I cannot hand;le more than I am already being given.

2.) My Oma (dutch grandma) is suffering majorly due to her body giving up on her. according to what I have been told. the doctors have to provide her steady doses of some sort of nutrient rice IV drip because her body isn't absorbing it. so she's lost a ton of weight and isn't able to stay awake for longer than 6 hours at a time. the hardest part of this is that she asked for my entire family (including  zoroarkling) to see here by name. no one is able to make the trip from the United States to the Netherlands due to lack of cash, visa, passport, and ability to speak the language. (my mother being an exception because Covid nearly killed her and my two youngest brothers)

3.) my youngest brother had to be rushed to the Hospital for the 4th time because everyone thought he was having a stroke. its a good thing he wasn't but here's the problem. he is suffering Conversion Disorder. which gave him Bell's Palsy (he's recovering very quickly) so he looked like he did. everyone is worried because we don't know what caused it. this is especially worrying because he shares a lot of other problems with me.

4.) he (youngest brother) is about as mental as I am but he is getting better help long before I was because everyone in my family kind of knows what to do.

5.) I moved into a house but it requires a lot of work because I keep finding out something new about this place every time someone comes to do something. such as it's been remodeled between 6 and 10 times so the wiring is spaghetti and thing's are kind of janky all over everywhere it shouldn't be. so I have myself a great many projects I need to get through and none of them are cheap. while I could do many of them myself I would have to research the legal requirements and codes that need to be followed to then have it approved by multiple inspectors for it to be insured.

those are the major things, I'm not feeling very good so... yeah.