Why is it when my life starts looking up, the whole world starts looking upside down?

For most of 2021, I’ve been depressed as fuck. I’ve felt suicidal and like I was losing my edge every single day. I’ve had multiple family members die from COVID in 2020 and 21, and its effect has been devastating. This account, along with other changes in my life becoming more social and getting therapy, were starting to really help me in spite of the pain and come to terms.

But then Putin fucking launches his ASSAULT—his war—on the Ukraine. I have very personal connections to two people there, and we had planned this summer to go back to Europe. But this shit—this pointless as fuck war—that is killing people and causing huge physical and mental trauma to everyone. And then he said that he would bring the worst consequences a country’s ever seen if they decide to intervene on his “plan!”

I don’t need this. WE don’t fucking need this. The people I love shouldn’t have to suffer like this, wondering everyday if they’ll live or die. I am on the edge of my seat everyday hearing what is happening from them in Kiev.

I am so done. I am so done of living through so many paradigm-shifting historical events.