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I needed to draw something for myself.
All of my characters are pieces of me. They're enhanced parts of me, or they embody certain aspects of me. In no way are they "Mary Sues". They are their own entity, but they have reflections of me within them.
Idzaje embodies a lot of what I have been feeling lately. Like I don't belong. That the people who surround me aren't really there for me, or don't care all that much about me. It's a difficult feeling. And it's one I've struggled with my whole life, trying to form friendships and relationships with an underlying paranoia of always being secretly disliked, hated, or otherwise for being different.
Idzaje's suffered pain and anguish, mistreatment, abuse, death, loss, self hatred. He embodies all of the things I keep at bay within myself to stay "sane". He's deficient with people mentally and emotionally, and is disconnected from nearly everyone and his interactions with them suffer because of it. I feel like I go through that every day. This oblivion and unawareness of what people are saying or doing, a genuine lack of understanding or comprehension of how human interaction is supposed to be.
He is angry, and full of hate and contempt and seeks revenge for the injustices he's suffered in his life. And for those that he cannot get justice for he looks to cause havoc for chaos's sake. He's by no means insane, or crazy. Every thought and detail is well planned and calculated..that's all he has to do with himself...is calculate maneuvers, plan attacks... all while he wages war within himself over his failures and inadequacies.
I don't know if Idzaje can ever be cleansed of all of the bad, dark things inside of him. I don't think he'll ever be at peace or at ease with himself, or his life. And I think he feels a certain sense of fear in that...and I feel it too, in myself.
All of my characters are pieces of me. They're enhanced parts of me, or they embody certain aspects of me. In no way are they "Mary Sues". They are their own entity, but they have reflections of me within them.
Idzaje embodies a lot of what I have been feeling lately. Like I don't belong. That the people who surround me aren't really there for me, or don't care all that much about me. It's a difficult feeling. And it's one I've struggled with my whole life, trying to form friendships and relationships with an underlying paranoia of always being secretly disliked, hated, or otherwise for being different.
Idzaje's suffered pain and anguish, mistreatment, abuse, death, loss, self hatred. He embodies all of the things I keep at bay within myself to stay "sane". He's deficient with people mentally and emotionally, and is disconnected from nearly everyone and his interactions with them suffer because of it. I feel like I go through that every day. This oblivion and unawareness of what people are saying or doing, a genuine lack of understanding or comprehension of how human interaction is supposed to be.
He is angry, and full of hate and contempt and seeks revenge for the injustices he's suffered in his life. And for those that he cannot get justice for he looks to cause havoc for chaos's sake. He's by no means insane, or crazy. Every thought and detail is well planned and calculated..that's all he has to do with himself...is calculate maneuvers, plan attacks... all while he wages war within himself over his failures and inadequacies.
I don't know if Idzaje can ever be cleansed of all of the bad, dark things inside of him. I don't think he'll ever be at peace or at ease with himself, or his life. And I think he feels a certain sense of fear in that...and I feel it too, in myself.
Category All / Doodle
Species Alien (Other)
Size 1160 x 800px
File Size 285 kB
Sugar, It's amazing how you are able to channel these terrifying and very private feeling into your work. It shows. It's what makes you a great artist, even tho it is hurting you. I understand what your going through, although I would not compare myself or say our situations are the same since we have never meet and I can not claim to know you.
Just know that we all have an outlet, some are very poor ways of dealing with the pain, discomfort, stress...
Drugs, self abuse, eating disorders and the like. Some of use have found comfort in the fantasies we create. whether it be through drawing, singing, dancing or climbing into our fursuits.
Ever since I was a child I would take characters from movies or tv or sometimes just make up my own and they would become the friends I never had. I was always playing pretend by myself. I was married to Raphael from the Ninja Turtles, my stuffed clown doll became a full sized grown up in my mind that was always there to give me a hug when I was down and he was always smiling. When I was older, Cloud from FF7 would follow me to school and out on bus trips and things and keep me company when there was none better to be had.
To this day, as hard as it has been for me to admit to myself and to others. I still have imaginary friends. Each one a coping mechanism for something that is not right, filling the voids in my life.
Long winded point being that we all have monsters in our closets but some of us are unlucky enough to be facing them alone.
If ever you need a friend Sugar, or just someone to talk it out with, I may not be much to anyone in this world but I can still listen. If there was a way for me to help you through your darkness you need only ask. I'm sure many of us here would d the same.
It's kind of cathartic to pour so much of yourself into your characters, I think. Even when I don't think anyone will understand what I'm going through, I know there's this character who can be sympathetic. Even if it's my own creation. Like looking in a mirror. This is beautiful art with a lot of thought and heart poured into it and I am constantly inspired by your ability to be as open as you are. I admire you greatly, my dear <3
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