The Good: I am always interested in other's OCs. I love to see what others have come up with.

The Bad: This story could use some more editing. There are some typos but that is to be expected, the real problem is the lack of capital letters. Honestly retelling an old story with only some minor scene shift just had me looking for the new parts while just grinding through the old parts. In otherwords it was not fresh from start to finish.

Suggestions: You should put in some descriptions of what Cresent Shadow and Flash Wind look like. There were only small points where perhaps their coat color was mentioned, but other than that I had no idea what they look like, making it hard to picture them in my head. Also, where did these OCs come from? I don't see any stories in your gallery explaining their pasts, yet you claim them as friends of Twilight and even claim one to be an Element of Harmony, but when did this happen? Perhaps you should write a story explaining how Twilight and friends met Cresent Shadow and Flash Wind.

A Little Self Indulgence: So another person has created a an Element of Harmony, the Element of Courage. That's a pretty good one. One of my OCs, Star Shine, is the Element of Joy.

thank you very much for your post, that was kinda my fault, when i wrote the story, i didn't really post much about my OC and that is my Fault, thanks again for your post and ill try harder next time.

No problem. Sorry if my post came off as a little harsh, but I am honestly curious about these two characters and would like to read a story about them.

oh not at all, i'm still getting used to writing, furthermore putting it on websites, i always enjoy a little constructive critisism, its the only way i can learn what i did wrong and improve upon it.


and in the future, ill see to it that my friend and I create a story about our OC's...in fact...ill get right on it