-sighs softly as she curls up into a corner- please don't mind this...I just...needed to vent, I guess.

I was actually going for something else when I touched the pencil to paper...I...was trying to stay up...

-shuts her eyes- I mean...at first I couldn't sleep when I was trying to sleep even though I am dog tired....then I fell asleep at my desk...then I figured...its only a 2 hour wait..pass the time with a doodle or something.

But..when the pencil touched the paper...I was just overcome with emotion. And the pencil just....flew.

Whats my deal? ...I think I caused someone I don't know great pain and I am so sorry for it....- a tear slips- I know the pain of love and loss...I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I go out of my way to avoid causing such pain...but somehow it happened anyway. I have bad issues with love problems. You kniw...cheaters, liars, playboys, the 'other' woman, etc....

I know that it is life, I really do...and with great love can come great sorrow... But...right now...I just can't be upbeat...and this isn't me...I don't like being 'that' girl. I am optimistic and cheery...but nobody is perfect..I am only human...and even the one who loves to help others...will need help themselves....

-exhales- and now my mind is racing with so many questions...the hows and whys....why me? What makes me so different...so special?....and then the doubt...I don't want to be hurt....

Then the conclusion.....'its too good to be true...'

-long sigh- I will get over it...I know this is a momentary laspe...I'm just sleepy and over thinking things...

I know I am stronger than this and...its just too soon for such foolish drama....is it really that big a deal?

My insecurity is my greatest enemy...

-wipes her face- please forgive me...I'm...just a little scared...

~end vent