Penultimate story in my Alain and Julie series. After over a decade together, Julie finally wants a baby. This one was very interesting to write and think about; I'm definitely not saying the the choice they make would be the same one that I would necessarily, but it's certainly an interesting discussion.

Space Oddity is by David Bowie
Masters of War and License to Kill are by Bob Dylan

Note that "Man" and "Woman" shall refer to male and female furries, respectively, for the purposes of the lyrics quoted.



July 4, 2009

Ten years flew by. Alain was a doctor of chemistry before he turned 30 and rose to become a manager in his chemical plant. It was reasonably satisfying work; not glamorous exactly, but it paid the bills and allowed him to support his Mate in her endeavours. Julie worked fastidiously on her paintings and became somewhat of a writer as well, creating a plethora of story fragments and she hoped to someday edit together into an experimental novel. They had an art show twice a year, which was always nice and well attended (though mostly by their friends and family).

It was well that Alain had his Mate to give him comfort, for he was often very frightened by the outside world and its troubles. It began in the year 2000, in which he started following US politics closely. He became a great admirer of that wisest of Americans, Owl Gore, their Vice-President and nominee for the presidency. He had rarely seen a leader with such a strong understanding of science and such a no-nonsense approach to environmental policy. Gore gave him hope. But that hope was suddenly dashed when through a series of unfortunate events Gore lost the election to an intellectually deficient snake from Texas. Except, he didn't really lose; it was stolen from him, with an incomplete ballot count in Florida likely changing the result of the entire contest. It was one of the most disillusioning things Alain had ever discovered; that a presidential election could be rigged and, moreover, that the worst candidate imaginable could 'win' against the best. From there, things only went downhill for that country: terrorism, wars (both related and unrelated to said terrorism) and continued environmental destruction, which none but the wise Owl seemed to care about and none in power would or could do anything to stop. Greed was everywhere. Even now that the snake had lost favour, their new president, a young lion/cougar hybrid, though kind and idealistic, seemed helpless to make any real change with all the wealth and hate of the powers that be set against him.

On top of all this, even hockey, the greatest passion of his youth, was in danger of losing its place in his heart. His beloved Canadiens had been consistently mediocre for over a decade. There had been a few bright spots here and there: Jose Theodore's MVP season in 2001-2002, a couple of big first-round playoff upsets over the rival Bruins, a first-place finish in 2008 and the emergence of Carey Price as perhaps the next great Habs goaltender. But for the most part it was a time of mediocrity and early playoff exits (when they even made the playoffs). The glory days of near-constant greatness from his youth were over. It wasn't just the lack of success that bothered him, but the fact that the whole system seemed stacked against them. With a 30 team NHL and more and more money involved, it was just harder for Canadian teams to compete. And the venality of some of those involved in the game was now at a hitherto unimaginable level, as evidenced by the lockout that resulted in the loss of the entire 2004-2005 season.

But through his work and everything happening in the world, he had Julie; that was the important thing. And there was nothing better than a lazy Saturday like today, where they just laid together in bed until the late morning, not having to get up or go anywhere. The summer sun shone in through the window, warming their pelts. Julie was lying with her back toward him. Alain rubbed a paw along her leg and played with her tail, which wagged happily upon feeling his touch. He ran his other paw through her hair and kissed the side of her neck. "Are we getting up today or tomorrow?" he asked playfully.
She turned her head around and kissed him back on the muzzle. "Whenever we want, cheri," she said, smiling.
"Sounds good," he said, wrapping his arm around her chest and laying there in the spooning position. With his paw, he could feel her heart beating softly.
"There is something I want to ask you though," she said. "Do you ever get bored with just the two of us here?"
He had a very good idea of what she was about to say. She had been dropping hints for months. It was something they probably should have discussed long ago, but they never seriously had, each of them perhaps fearing what the other would say. He noted, "You've been babysitting your little niece Yvette a lot lately. You enjoy that, don't you?"
"Yes," she answered, "and it's really got me thinking. I know I should have brought this up a long time ago, but Alain, I really want to be a Mommy." She turned to look at him. "I've always told myself we'd think about it later… but I'm 33 years old. This is later. Soon, it'll be too late."
Alain gulped and, not quite knowing what to say, started rambling, "Well, I'm 32 and I don't feel so old… are you sure you don't want to just borrow kids from friends when you feel like this?"
She frowned and he winced, knowing he had said the wrong thing. She pulled the bed sheets up to her neck but her features softened as she spoke, "Alain, I know you work very hard for me and I love you so much for it. Let me give something back to you. Let me give you a child and you… won't have to worry about anything. I'll change every diaper; I'll handle every late night feeding. You won't have to lose a wink of sleep, I promise."
"No!" Alain almost barked. "That's not it at all. And I'd never ask that of you. Wake up, Julie! This planet is screwed. Or at least our ability to live on it is. We're cooking ourselves alive with pollution and no one cares! Well, I do. And I might not be able to do much about it, but I can choose to not add another poor soul to the mix." It felt sickening to admit his helplessness, but there it was. A David Bowie line came to mind: Planet Earth is Blue and there's nothing I can do.
Julie was expressionless. She stared downward for a while and then finally said, "So you want to save the planet for the next generation by not having a next generation?"
"That's one way to put it, I suppose," Alain said. "But there are others besides us, you know. Look, we need to calm down and spend some time thinking about this rationally. Just give me a week, anyway." She nodded meekly. He couldn't stand to see her this sad, especially when he was the cause of it. "I'm going for a walk," he said and he got dressed quickly and grabbed his iPod and left, almost in tears.

He started making his way downtown and put in his earphones. Music was his third great joy in life and Julie and hockey. In his life after school, he had really started to listen to and appreciate a lot of English language music – not just dance music - important stuff. Woody Guthrie, Phil Ochs, Neil Young and especially Bob Dylan were among his favourites. He had learned more English from those guys than they had ever been able to teach him in school. One of his favourite Dylan songs came on:
Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth he can do with it as he please
And if things don't change soon, he will
Oh, man has invented his doom
First step was touching the moon.
Now there's a woman on my block
She just sits there as the night grows still
She say who gonna take away his license to kill?

Now, they take him and they teach him and they groom him for life
And they set him on a path where he's bound to get ill
Then they bury him with stars
Sell his body like they do used cars.
Now, there's a woman on my block
She just sits there facing the hill
She say who gonna take away his license to kill?

Now, he's hell-bent for destruction, he's afraid and confused
And his brain has been mismanaged with great skill
All he believes are his eyes
And his eyes, they just tell him lies.
But there's a woman on my block
Sitting there in a cold chill
She say who gonna take away his license to kill?

Today, the words were so true and beautiful that they made him cry. He always wondered who the woman was to Dylan. Whoever or whatever the old coyote had meant, to Alain it was clearly Julie, his only refuge against the sins of the world.

Eventually he found himself in Parc Maisonneuve, which was full of botanical gardens and lovely ponds. If any place could calm him and give him clarity it was here. He sat down on a bench and just kept listening to music. The sun was hot and he had to pant at times to cool off. Soon, another Dylan tune came on; an older one: Masters of War. One verse hit him like a bag of hammers.

You've thrown the worst fear that can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children into the world
For threatening my baby, unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.

He was talking about the war profiteers, the masters of war, but Alain realized that today, it could just as easily be applied to the polluters, those who raped the earth for money and the politicians in their pockets. They had put him in that exact position, afraid to give his mate a child and he despised them for it. Yet, would it be right to, in effect, let them win by being so afraid? The song ended:

And I hope that you die and your death'll come soon
I'll follow your casket in the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered down to your deathbed
And I'll stand over your grave 'til I'm sure that you're dead.

That was it. He couldn't let such nefarious people dictate his life. Yet he couldn't play into their game either. He would defeat them, not with violence, but with a better way. The afternoon sun beat down on him, but that was all right. It had given him an idea. He turned off his iPod and jumped up and started jogging home, panting all the way.

There's a she-wolf, on my block, he thought. Yes, that was Dylan's woman… Julie, Julie, Julie, but not only Julie; the hope and goodness inside every one of us that allowed us to ask what was wrong with the world and gave us the strength to face it.

When he got home, he found that Julie had just finished making supper. He ran to her and scooped her up in his arms and kissed her passionately on her muzzle. "Julie," he began, "you can stop taking your Marvelon."
She gasped with a smile, "Alain! Does this mean..?"
"I was not wrong," he said. "But there's another way. If we're going to do this, we have to do it right. I have a plan. Part of it involves me going back to school, part time at least. But besides that, we've got to do everything we can to make sure there's a future for this little guy."
"Or girl," added Julie, laughing as he carried her upstairs. "I promise I'll always turn off the lights when I'm not using them."
"And we'll get better light bulbs!" said Alain. "And recycle everything."
"Well use cloth diapers," said Julie, "not those plastic disposable ones."
"And I'm sure there's lot of good carbon-reducing projects we can contribute to," said Alain. "I'll consult Owl Gore's website."
"We'll do it all," said Julie.

He kissed her again and laid her down upon their bed and then joined her there and they passionately embraced.