I'm curious, what was the assignment (if you wrote it for college)?

I'd say watch your past tense and present tense; sometimes you drifted back and forth between the two.

"Fable" is a good description for this; it seems familiar, the common theme of the young pair that comes together, are led seperate ways by life...and sometimes reunite, sometimes do not. Have you written anything else since?

*Grins at hir first comment like mad* Thank you very much for your feedback. I have updated the info with a bit more of the background of the piece! Also to answer your question i have not written anything since i never really finish what i start this is the first of, i do not know how many tries, to get this right that actually worked. ^.-.^

Get used to not getting many comments for stuff you write, if you do write again! I don't even know if 1/3 of the people who watch me even bother to read what I put up. :) But I don't write it for all of 'em, usually--I find it's easier to write something if I have one specific person in mind.

if ya ask me the story is ok, dose have some problems here and there, but im bad at spelling so it may just be me. what you aought to do before you do another story is do what i do and go read some other ones so you can get some ideas, and see how other people write or what your story can turn out like. If your like me, you wont put yiff into the story, but have some...small hints of it. also if you what your stories to come out at 15-20 pages, the word is detail, detail, detail, detail. last thing, most people dont get away with haveing no paragraphs or verry little, but you do, so keep it up (makes the stroy interesting) and one last gripe tho and this is a negitive (all the rest wernt, just giveing you my opinion) Always, staret speech on a new line, unless its the same person talking, it makes the story a tad harder to read is all. Anyways, enough gripeing, keep writeing! the more you write the better you get! trust me, i wrote a 32 pager!

*Grins Widely and blushes* Wow i was not really expecting to have more than one see my story and like it! I will take all of your wonderfull hints into consideration. Also Am very greatful for all you said.

your welcome ^^

Hehe nice man...sorry i took my sweet time reading it...I was in writing of my own. Just posted Soul Legions...I was kind of afraid of doing so because I still have work to do on it but what the heck! Neway liked your story. Kind of short. Its like a disney movie story lol you know whit a moral, all goes well and all lol sorry not used to does types as mine are kind of different lol you probably know what I mean.
Ne way try to make more stories you are good at it

I'm glad I stumbled across your story - I really quite enjoyed reading it! I agree with some of what Dustin6 has said in that it's a mite difficult to follow the action at points due to the style of writing, but the main and most important thing to me is that the heart and soul of the story is very, very much intact.

Trouble is, how do we persuade you to write some more? Will my becoming your 60th watcher help convince you any? *grins*

*BLUSHES* Ohh my. Well i have been thinking of writinga new much more involved description of myself. as for story's though you will have to wait till i can finish another one something i find very hard.

I really enjoyed the story! I've meant to read your work sooner, you being one of the first people to welcome me to FA when I got here. I agree with the points made by previous posters, and like Azakir, to me the most important part is the heart and soul of the story which is very well developed and has a neat feel to it.

Hope you find the time and energy to try your paw at writing more stories. You've got neat ideas!

*Blushes* Awwwr thanks a lot. THat really means a lot too me. Also might be geting something new from me soon.

Fiction is way underrated D: One reason might be the fact it requires more time tha four seconds you use for drawings [/sarcasm]
Oh well, it took me nearly a moth till I finally read it myself >__>;;

But it's nice I'm not the only one who ejoyed this piece ^__^

I've got this odd feeling that anything that had in mind about saying is said ^.^;;
But I can always join the choir of "MOAR O:"

You can leave the romance off from the next one if you don't like it.. I like reading stories anyway ^__^

I am actually working on another piece right now but I am totally unsure if i can finish it and if so how long it might take.

Oh, take your time ^__^
I can wait quality :3