A story written by me and conceived by  biggaykirk

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It was a pleasant fall day in Skrill City, Florida. The sun was shining, with not a cloud in the sky, and life was good for everyone. Traffic was surprisingly low for this time of year, giving more attention to the various cars driving down the road. One of which was a large, somewhat suspicious looking white van driving down State Parkway. These four were members of the notorious EBS; the short-fused but quick-minded Manticore; the careful but nearsighted Quail; the thickheaded and necked Lifeguard; and finally, the man with the mysterious destiny, Moai.

These four were on a mission to infiltrate and rob the Third World Bank. It was supposedly ran by a group of Nigerian warlords who made a killing off the online marketing business, and they were beginning to launder funds from some of the EBS offshoot organizations. Shit like this was not to be tolerated, but the operation had to be quick, clean, and not attract too much attention. They were only there to get back what they had lost, but little did they know, one of them was about to gain so much more.

They were listening into a call from their mission planner, a man once known for spreading false rumors of “King Baldwin’s Tomb”, which supposedly contained the secret to infinite money. This guy, Krump, was good at coordinating things, so this was the right man for the job. As they approached the largest bank in town, the Third World Bank (rumored to have been founded by a wealthy Nigerian who made it big in the online marketing business), the plans came over the radio for the four guys.

“Alright guys, this is what I’ve found out. Our mole, Jin Labo, was able to stash in some thermite and a power drill inside a printer in the bank’s server room. But he bailed on this mission after he said he ‘didn’t fucking care’ any more. So, we’ll need to find the bank manager for the keycard to get in. It should be inside his bunghole-“

Moai groaned, “Come on Krump, at least try to take this seriously.”

Krump chuckled in response. “Well, it’ll be on him in any case. I’d be there to help you guys out, but the maintenance crane I was observing from ditched me on top of this abandoned building. It’ll be up to the four of you to take care of it.”

The four reached the Third World Bank, and began to suit up for the mission at hand. Various guns, bags, bombs, and magical party-wide buffs were passed around. Moai pulled out a large tube-like object out of the trunk once everyone was almost ready.

“Is that a fucking M79 grenade launcher?” Manticore exclaimed. He could not see this as an appropriate heisting weapon.

“Yeah, you have a problem with it? I call it ‘The Slammer’.”

Quail interjected, “That’s not the point. We’re going into a bank with innocent civilians, and you’re bringing an explosive weapon. Wasn’t the excessive amount of thermite enough for you?”

“Look, if the civilians don’t want to get killed, they’ll stay the hell out of the way of the grenades. We’re not even bothering with hostages. I’m sure we can deal with a few police officers on our own.”

“Well, alright. I’m sure The Lifeguard’s thick neck will protect us from harm. Let’s go over the plan.”

The Lifeguard pulled out a clipboard. “Alright, Moai, you and Manticore will take care of getting the thermite and the drill. I’ll shoot out any security cameras I can find, and Quail will herd the civilians out and get prepped for the oncoming assault. Any comments?”

Manticore stared The Lifeguard in the eye. “Yeah, don’t be a dipshit and run right into open fire, like you’ve done on the past three excursions.”

The Lifeguard exaggeratingly made an ‘oooh’ sound, but it sounded more like a foghorn. The four decided to stop attracting unwanted suspicion and head inside.

They walked into the main lobby. Not too many people were around; just a few bank guards and tellers. It was an unusually slow day, but this worked out well for the gang. Manticore began to search for the manager, as the others hung around the small cafeteria listening to a few schleps talk about Faithbook and overseas financing. Upstairs, Manticore found the Bank Manager in his office talking on the phone, and listened in on the conversation.

“…no, he’s fired. He was messing around in the server room after hours, and when I confronted him about him about it he screamed ‘I don’t give a fuck’ and ran out. He was probably on some bad brown weed or something…No, I haven’t had the chance to look in there…No, and I’ll not answer why the only room in the bank with a keycard lock is that room…”

“Is there something wrong, sir? You’re a little too close to the manager’s office.” Manticore looked over and saw a security guard accosting him. “If you continue this disturbance, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Before Manticore could properly deter suspicion from him, Moai walked up the stairs and nonchalantly fired a grenade into the office, destroying nearly everything inside it.

“What the fuck, man!?” Manticore exclaimed as he knocked out the security guard via reflex with the stock of his Mossberg shotgun. “We had a plan with this! I talk to the guard, and then you tie up the manager.”

“I like this idea more. Besides, look at this.” Moai pointed to the manager’s corpse. Various bricks of a white powdery compound were stuck on him. “Spooky Stacks; if you had gotten any closer to the guy, they would’ve detonated.”
Manticore was confused. “Why would they plant that on their own manager?”

Quail appeared behind them. “It’s because they knew we were coming. The manager was expendable, and now we’ve fallen for their trap.”

Moai looked visibly distressed at the revelation. “Goddammit…first it’s the Whore of Babylon issue and now this ordeal with the Nigerians. We just have to hold grudges, don’t we?”

“It’s a matter of principle, you let one of these shitfaggots walk over you, and then they’ll all want a piece. Remember what happened with Peter Piedi and the Easily Frightened League?”, Manticore stirred up the memories of the week of enduring nonsensical shrill Swedish men. “By the way, shouldn’t you be getting the civvies out of here?”

“Those guys weren’t civilians. They were trained killers disguised as the bank staff and customers. Clever bastards…they think they’ve gotten everything covered. The Lifeguard’s already taken care of the security footage but we still need to gather the supplies. If we’re quick, we can make it in and out of here in no time.”

The four immediately began drilling open the door leading to the vault, and began to prepare for the oncoming police assault. They were expecting a few SWAT officers as well, but without and civilians present, they didn’t expect much.

How they were wrong. In a matter of seconds, dozens of SWAT and police cars pulled up to the front of the bank, even an army truck or two. Hundreds of law enforcers crowded the front entrance, with numerous snipers taking aim on the nearby buildings. The team’s radio began to beep like crazy.

Krump was on the other end. “Guys, it’s a war zone out here! Somehow, the Nigerians have made it out for you to be domestic terrorists! The law has been given authority to use lethal force! Screw the robbery, get out of there while still-*BANG*-SHIT! Some of the snipers must’ve overheard me. I’ll take care of what I can up here…May the Weedlorn protect you guys, you’re going to need it.” The radio fizzed out.

“Well, we’re fucked. What do we do?” Quail exclaimed. “Should we just wait for that drill to finish? It’s a top-of-the-line model, so it shouldn’t fuck up like five times in a minute.”

The Lifeguard had an idea. “We’ll just hide out in the president’s office. There’re not too many police cars on that side of the building. We secure an escape and take care of whatever pours in there. Trust me, we’ll be fine. It’s better than staying out there by the drill.”

The four rushed over to where the president’s office was located, set up some explosives, and hunkered out. A minute or two went by of complete silence, and they assumed they were safe. Suddenly, the glass window behind them broke, and a number of specially-armed SWAT officers poured in. “We’ve found the perps!” One of the SWAT said through their radio. “You were right about them taking shelter inside an office, Sheriff Espinoza.”

Moai took the short window of opportunity to give The Lifeguard a dirty look. The four began to open fire on the SWAT officers. A few went down, but a man with a riot shield rushed towards them, blocking out most of their bullets. Meanwhile, the Skrill City Police began to storm the building, and flanked them from the entrance of the office.

“Shit, what do we do now? We have heavily armored guys coming out of the windows, and swarms of cops out there!” Manticore yelled over the gunfire.

“I’ll take care of it.” The Lifeguard said as he rushed out into the middle of the crossfire and began to wildly fire his AK-47.

“You idiot! Your neck’s not that thick, you’ll be killed!” Quail screamed as a man wearing a huge spaceman-like suit appeared behind him. “Oh shit! It’s one of those bulldozers!” He attempted to warn the others as the big jimmy shot him with a shotgun. The humongous cosmonaut waddled out of the room and proceeded to take care of The Lifeguard.

Manticore attempted to do all he could to take control of the situation and took out a number of guys on both sides of the room, but then a bullshit number of Tom Clancy looking motherfuckers swarmed him and knocked him out. It seemed Moai was the only one who could take control of this situation.

He pulled out his grenade launcher and fired one into the swarm of cops. Bodies went flying everywhere, and Moai escaped and led a number of SWAT units into one of the trip mines set up. H then took the opportunity to lay out a portable sentry gun into the hallway of the building, which weeded out a couple of the oncoming law enforcers as he loaded and fired another grenade. Things seemed to be going surprisingly well at this point.

And then three guys wearing yellow body armor appeared behind him and tased him.

Moai could barely let out a scream as electricity ran through his body like a power socket. The wires seemed to pump concentrated burning hell into him and his body jiggled around like a ragdoll. After enduring what seemed to be an eternity of shocking torment, his lifeless body slumped on the ground.

“It looks like that’s the last of them. That’ll show these guys to mess with the US.” One of the SWAT Taser units said as he struck a cool pose over Moai’s body. The other units shook their heads in disappointment.

Moai, nearing the brink of death, reflected on his life. He remembered the days of working in underground weapons trading before joining up with the EBS. Times were rough then; they pay was minimal and the hours were long, and he always had to keep a low profile. But there was a song that somehow always got him through the day. It was the song “Dream Machine” by Lazerhawk. He had heard it on the radio one day while waiting on a shipment of Middle-Eastern rifles, and it stuck with him. Even after joining, he still listened to the music every now and then.

He knew it couldn’t end this way. Not after all he had been through. Moai began to gain control of his motor function and stood up, grenade launcher in hand. The Taser Units turned around. “Guess he didn’t get enough last time! Zap him, Dwight!” One of the units yelled as another pulled out his Taser gun.

But this time, Moai has a plan. He stuck out his grenade launcher, which then absorbed the electric shocking gadget. A mysterious electrical field formed around Moai and the M79, trapping them in some sort of quantic time loop. The residual energies were embedded within both weapon and wielder. The SWAT officers had expressions of both confusion and horror.

Moai fired a grenade at the SWATs…and then another…and another…and yet another. The electrical powers had trapped the launcher into an “ever-firing” state. 40mm grenades went flying every which way as Moai tested his new ability. He wandered back into the president’s office, launcher in hand, and slammed the remainder of the police officers in there. Somehow, the explosions and resulting debris did not harm his comrades. After pulling out some medical supplies, he restored his teammates to fighting shape.

“What the hell was that?” Manticore asked. “You were firing like a hundred grenades out of that thing a second!”

“It seems the residual energies from the electricity have given you some kind of time power.” Quail explained. “Guess you were right about bringing your ‘slammer’, Moai.”

“You’re right about that, but you’re wrong about the name.” Moai boasted. “I call it the ‘Dream Machine’ now.”

“Okay, man. Just take your Dream Machine or whatever, get the money, and get out of here.” The Lifeguard said as he strode off to the vault doors. The gang proceeded to follow when they got a call from Krump.

“Hey guys, I was able to hold off those snipers. The SWAT and Police outside have withdrawn for right now, but they’re preparing another assault soon. I’ll meet you guys at the escape zone. Try to stay alive, guys. By the way, what were all those explosions coming from the building? Even the trip mines shouldn’t have caused that kind of demolition.”

“Somehow, Moai got electrified into a temporal stasis, and now he is able to rapid-fire grenades out of his ‘Dream Machine’. You got any idea on how it happened?” Quail said.

“If I had to guess, it’s because he was electrified on the Axis Mundi. The Third World Bank’s built on top of it. Well, be careful out there. They’re bringing in helicopters and armored vehicles in a couple of minutes.”

After Krump got off the line, they heard The Lifeguard yell from the ground floor. “Guys, we’ve got a problem down here.”

The rest of the group went down and saw that the drill had been destroyed by the police forces. Moai intervened, “Hey, who cares. I’ll just blow it up with my infinite grenades.”

The Lifeguard shook his head. “This is a blast-proof steel curtain. Your grenades won’t do anything to something like this. We need to find another way in.”

Manticore thought for a while. “We could always use some of the thermite to burn a hole over the entranceway…” The Lifeguard pointed behind the group, where a stream of thermite lay running out the bank. “Shit, they stole the thermite bags from us. Guess the Nigerians really did think of everything.”

Quail sighed. “I’m going upstairs. Maybe we forgot a bag in the printer. Labo should’ve stuck in a few more bags behind it, if he listened.” He began to ascend the steps, but as he reached the top, he let out a scream.

“Shit, what happened?” Moai wondered as the trio walked up the steps. Quail was completely gone. “Where did he go? Are there still some cops around?” Moai didn’t have time to onder as he heard the guard door open. They ran back downstairs to find Quail sticking out of one of the walls.

“What the hell happened to you, Quail? How did you fall through the floor?” Manticore said.

“I guess the residual energies of Moai’s time powers affected me, as well. Looks like I can walk through walls now.”

Moai chuckled to himself. “Hah, looks like you got the shittiest X-Men power. But we’ll be able to wrap this up in no time.” Quail was a little irritated but began preparations to open the vault doors with his newfound ability.

Without warning, the next assault arrived, even bigger than the last. The law took no time in quickly barging into the building, guns ablaze. Moai fended them off with a spectacular display of demolitions as the other two got their duffel bags ready to steal the dosh. After wave after wave of flying cops dropped to the ground, Moai took the small breach in the assault to super-moonwalk back into the vault with the others.

“More magic powers? You’re like fucking Static Shock.” Quail laughed as he lower half of his body was inside the floor. “Okay, I’ll get set up at the exit and make the preparations for your escape. Grab the rest of the dough and get the hell out of here.”

“That’s easier said than done.” Manticore said as he pointed behind him to a number of heavily-armored military personnel lay in the entranceway of the vault. “Even with the Dream Machine, we’re probably not going to all make it out of here alive.”

“We’ll have to think of something else, and fast.” Moai strained to come with a solution, and remembered that they still had a few pipe bombs on him. “Quail! Use your powers to stick the trip mines into the walls themselves, and I’ll blast our way out of here into the underground parking lot. Manticore and Lifeguard, you’ll need to fend off the law enforcers.”

Everyone took their positions; Quail travelled through the wall and stuck trip mines within it, and put the money within the underground parking garage. The Lifeguard used his crystal clavicle to fend off the waves of seemingly endless police, while Manticore ran through box after box of shells taking down more armored spacemen and Tom Clanncy wannabes. Moai prepared to focus the Dream Machine towards the fault floor, and began firing.

The smoke and debris coming from the impacting grenades was nearly deafening, and the trip mines blowing up did not help matters either. But the time powers had also given Moai super-endurance, and slowly he blasted a gaping hole into the floor below. Quail was there waiting for him as their getaway driver, the ever-wandering Urchink, pulled up with Krump.

“Looks like you guys made it…somehow. We’ve been watching episodes of Nugrats to pass the time.” Krump said. The two were a bit mad that Krump was goofing off. “Well, how was I supposed to get in there? Look, I’ll help you get Manticore and Lifeguard out of there. The truck’s ready to go, anyway.”

Krump, Moai, and Quail crawled up the hole into the vault. The Lifeguard was making due with his AK-47 and MAC-10 combo, and Manticore showed off his Brazilian “Twi Knewdo” martial arts style, taking down officer after officer by adding pressure points to their bodies.

“Alright guys, let’s get out of here. You’re acting weirder than the Puma Punku aliens.” Krump joked.

The five rushed out of the vault and into the fan. Moai gave cover fire with the Dream Machine, and the other picked off any straggler as Urchink drove out of the parking garage.

As the van sped out of the Third World Bank, which really did look Third World by this point, they were being tailed by all manner of law enforcers who were just now discovering that they had managed to break free. But they could not catch up to the six speeding away.

“Looks like you guys made it out of there, nice job. How the hell did you manage to get out of there, anyway?” Krump asked.

“Somehow, I fell through the floor and was able to walk through walls like Kitty Pryde. Using that, we were able to formulate an escape.” Quail explained.

“To be honest, I thought the reason he fell through to begin with was because he’s so skinny.” Moai laughed.

“Never mind that shit, guys. We’ve got a big problem up ahead.” The Lifeguard pointed out the window to a large military blockade impeding their escape. “We’re screwed; not even that grenade launcher will be able to clear that out in time.”

Moai has a stern look on his face. “We’ll just see about that. I’m going up top.” Moai solemnly said as he climbed on top of the van. He then focused the remaining electrical energies within him to change the Dream Machine into something greater.

The M79 began to morph into a large futuristic weapon, just barely able to fit on top of the van. It was now pure white and resembles some sort of energy cannon. A red-orange glow began to emit from the center of the Dream Machine, which glowed brighter and brighter as the energies collected within it.

“Now, full speed ahead! We’re going to charge right through!” Moai yelled as he prepared the Dream Machine to fire.

As the van approached the blockade, it fired out a spectacular array of vermillion energy, laying waste to all things that lay in its way. After it was done, it did a complete 180 degree turn and fired one last blast at the Third World Bank, forever wiping it off the face of the planet.

Thousands of miles away in the Nigerian deserts, a wealthy prince shed a single tear. He knew he had lost everything.

Back in the United States, the six were celebrating their successful heist in the van, and made plans to store the money somewhere.

“We could give it to one of our affiliate companies in the area. They’ll certainly appreciate the money, and we’ll certainly like the territory.” Manticore thought outload.

“Let’s just leave it at Gertrude’s place. She’s got room for it and she’s not too far away.” Urchink said. He was referring to his girlfriend who lived in Tallahassee.

“Ugh, no way. We don’t need Gertrude to take care of our money, Urchink. That always ends badly in the movies.” Moai explained.
“Well, just for a little while, anyway. We’re not too far, look.” Urchink pointed to a sign that read “Tallahassee: 10 Miles”.

“Fine, but just for a night.” Manticore sighed. He didn’t like this plan at all, nor did he like Florida. Honestly, he wouldn’t have cared about getting the money back if it wasn’t for the fact that Florida would have more money to use because of it.

An hour or so passed and the crew was getting restless. They looked outside and saw a sign that read “Tallahassee: 10 Miles”.

“What the fuck! We passed a sign that said that an hour ago? Did you make a wrong turn, Urchink?” Quail said with agitation.

“No, Interstate 10 passes right North of the city. And we would’ve seen an exit sign by now.”

“Whatever, just keep looking for an exit so we can off this fucking thing.” The Lifeguard groaned.

Another hour or so passed, and the van passed yet another sign that said “Tallahassee: 10 miles”.
The six of them had mixed feelings of anger, horror, and desperation.

“Are we in some kind of fucking time loop or something? Maybe Moai’s new powers have trapped us in a recurring scenario or some shit like that.” Quail groaned.

“No, I’m afraid it’s much worse than that.” Krump has a visible look of terror on his face. “We’re inside the Papes Zone.”

“What the hell is the ‘Papes Zone’, and how did we get stuck in it!?” Manticore yelled.

“Florida lies close to something called a ‘Leyline’, which is some sort of magical earthly focus point. Sometimes when powerful energies come in contact with the Ley Point, which is a concentration of many leylines, it causes some kind of quantum hiccup where travellers get lost eternally. This place is called the Papes Zone because it’s like you’re on a paper roll of some kind; and you keep running back to the same place you started in.” Krump explained.

“So we’re on fucking Highway Bermuda Triangle. How do we get out?” Manticore said, with worry in his eyes.

“I don’t know. Barely anyone who enters the Papes Zone comes out alive or sane.”

“Wait, I have an idea. If Moai’s time powers got us into this dilemma, they can certainly get us out. Moai, fire up the Dream Machine again; we’re breaking out of this pipe dream.” Quail said.

Moai nodded his head, and climbed on top of the van once more. This time, Quail drove the car, using his spatial travelling powers on the vehicle. Then, Moai quickly fired out a spiral of amazing solar energy behind them. The van reached Mach 4 in an instant, but due to the spatial shield surrounding the vehicle, no one succumbed to the extreme G-Forces.

The vehicle went faster and faster, circling the Papes Zone a hundred times over. The surroundings seemed to be nothing more than a bright orange blur, and everything went to plaid soon enough. The rumbling of the Dream Machine was extremely loud, as if the universe was being created right above their heads. Soon, they were enveloped by the energy, and everything went dark.

Moai awoke, dazed and confused, underneath the mount of the Dream Machine. He looked around him, and saw the duffel bags full of money, pieces of the van, and his comrades lying unconscious around him. Slowly, everyone got to their feet, and walked over to him.

“Phew, looks like we got out of that bullshit.” The Lifeguard gave out a sigh of relief. He pointed toward a sign above the ditch they were in. It read “Welcome to Tallahassee.”

“My god, we escaped.” Krump exclaimed. “We did the impossible.”

Moai dusted himself off as the rest of the group gathered up the money bags and called for a replacement van. Something seemed missing, though…

“Oh shit, where’s Urchink?” Quail said as he checked to make sure he didn’t miss anything.

“He must’ve gotten knocked out while we made our escape. The Papes Zone probably has him now.” Moai murmured. “Oh well, he’ll probably turn up at Gertrude’s place in a couple of days, and we’ll have to pick him up again.”

“Fuck if I’m ever coming back to this place again!” Manticore screamed. “If he wants to come back, he’ll have to find his own way out.”

“Well, we won, in any case. We beat the Nigerians and the Papes Zone, and it’s all thanks to the Dream Machine.” Moai boasted.

The remaining five looked above them. The sun was starting to set, and a stunning orange streak of the remaining energy travelled above them like a shooting star. Victory once again was rewarded to the EBS, and sure enough, the Dream Machine would make sure that all their dreams would come true, someday.