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This, being the chapter following the third chapter, is the fourth chapter. Although I'd also probably consider this part of the third chapter which would also make this the second half of the second chapter, but whatever.
This chapter was a hell of a lot harder than the first three to write and it probably shows, not in a good way. Note to self, don't try to coordinate this many characters at once. In any case I hope you all like it. I'm keeping up with the whole thumbnail thing since it seems to be really good publicity for stories rather than just seeing the boring "STORY" icon which doesn't give you any idea what the story is about. It's not even a photmanipulation this time :o
In any case, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'll be looking forward to your feedback and if you have any suggestions on how to write the story better or how to correct my grammar or spelling I'll be glad to hear it. Enjoy.
This chapter was a hell of a lot harder than the first three to write and it probably shows, not in a good way. Note to self, don't try to coordinate this many characters at once. In any case I hope you all like it. I'm keeping up with the whole thumbnail thing since it seems to be really good publicity for stories rather than just seeing the boring "STORY" icon which doesn't give you any idea what the story is about. It's not even a photmanipulation this time :o
In any case, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'll be looking forward to your feedback and if you have any suggestions on how to write the story better or how to correct my grammar or spelling I'll be glad to hear it. Enjoy.
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Lion
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 44 kB
Listed in Folders
Thanks for the comment and the fave :). Getting fed by Michelle is just a way to make sure nobody lags behind or just gives up on the competiton and hangs around for the free food. Realistically it's just an excuse to force feed people in vignettes that I might end up writing for the other characters like I did for Eric.
I'll try to take into account what you said for future stories. There were just so many people and things to describe that I felt like if I focused on one I'd leave the others out or that it'd slow things down too much or something :o I'll probably reedit this one a few times.
I'll try to take into account what you said for future stories. There were just so many people and things to describe that I felt like if I focused on one I'd leave the others out or that it'd slow things down too much or something :o I'll probably reedit this one a few times.
Here I come with my spelling errors! LOL. Okay, "Eric though" should be "Eric thought". Wow, you've improved your spelling! Very good!
As for the story, it was very good. Don't worry about your writing skills. What are you complaining about? I didn't see any problems with coordinating multiple characters, but it may have just been difficult for you to write it.
As for the story, it was very good. Don't worry about your writing skills. What are you complaining about? I didn't see any problems with coordinating multiple characters, but it may have just been difficult for you to write it.
Nice addition! Let the feeding continue! *grins*
You handled the multiple characters quite well. It's difficult to shift points of view from alternate char to the primary, gramatically speaking. But once you've done it for one, you can use it on everyone. You carried it of quite well.
Vargr's biggest difficulty in running lots of characters is keeping them "individuals"; at least those of them who are more than simply "mobile scenary".
Too often, wuff finds himself beginning to lump several characters into a kind of 'homogenous being' when the numbers of them exceed Vargr's "multi-tasking threshold". *grins* Shifting points of view, such as in that short intro of "To Soar", when the unnamed fur resting against Vargr's side puts in his 'two cents worth' prior to the wuff beginning his story, is also another difficult trick for this wuff. Vargr definitely needs to keep practicing that.
Keep up the good work! So many furs' over-stuffed bellies in one story has definitely caught this wuff's attention! *big grin*
You handled the multiple characters quite well. It's difficult to shift points of view from alternate char to the primary, gramatically speaking. But once you've done it for one, you can use it on everyone. You carried it of quite well.
Vargr's biggest difficulty in running lots of characters is keeping them "individuals"; at least those of them who are more than simply "mobile scenary".
Too often, wuff finds himself beginning to lump several characters into a kind of 'homogenous being' when the numbers of them exceed Vargr's "multi-tasking threshold". *grins* Shifting points of view, such as in that short intro of "To Soar", when the unnamed fur resting against Vargr's side puts in his 'two cents worth' prior to the wuff beginning his story, is also another difficult trick for this wuff. Vargr definitely needs to keep practicing that.
Keep up the good work! So many furs' over-stuffed bellies in one story has definitely caught this wuff's attention! *big grin*
I found the Story point of View Constant and Well aimed. Though it was a bit expidited *spelling* rushed when it came to view the effect on the rest of the furs. Let alone how Stuffed the lion was. *Chuckles* I was curious how big he was by the end of the story.
And you said somewhere in one of your comments you wouldn't make a second series. *chuckles* I can see why not, the story wouldn't be as interesting the second time through. But a fifth and sixth chapter would close up the Story Quiet well if your up for the effort. I think you have one of the best stories i've read since 2003 when i read Lupine's "lunch"
And you said somewhere in one of your comments you wouldn't make a second series. *chuckles* I can see why not, the story wouldn't be as interesting the second time through. But a fifth and sixth chapter would close up the Story Quiet well if your up for the effort. I think you have one of the best stories i've read since 2003 when i read Lupine's "lunch"
Yeah that was another one of the things I didn't like about the story, but I didn't want it to go on for like 15 pages or something, and I've been trying to keep myself near a 3000 word per chapter limit kind of. I'm might go back and expand on it in the future.
I'm glad you liked it. Lupine's lunch story is one of my favorites too. :)
I'm glad you liked it. Lupine's lunch story is one of my favorites too. :)
i am sorry I have not red these before, but theyre easily one of the best weight gain series Ive read in a while.
The characters are very likable, the story is progressing wonderfully, and you give us just enough to keep us wanting more!
I have not read this one yet, but I got upto part 3 and quickly dashed back here to find the next part ^^
The characters are very likable, the story is progressing wonderfully, and you give us just enough to keep us wanting more!
I have not read this one yet, but I got upto part 3 and quickly dashed back here to find the next part ^^
Thank you very much :) . I really like your stories too. Especially High Treason, which was one of my favorite stories and pretty much the main inspiration for the whole first scene, if you'll excuse the pseudo plagiarism. Hopefully after WoW stops stealing my soul I'll feel more inspired and get around to finishing it. WoW never stops stealing souls though. >_>
Well, the one for this story came from a website that doesn't exist anymore that I found from googling. The previous chapter's was made by Vrghr a few years back from a shot from the show Big Cat Diary. And my avatar has a preposterously long explanation of where it came from at http://www.furaffinity.net/view/227317/ . There's also a lot of other pictures like this that I posted on my yahoo group at http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/bloatedbigcats/
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