A really great read as always Mike. :) (Though I do take a minuscule offense to the Apple/Windows joke, but it's microscopic considering I'm using a duel core with both Mac and Windows operating systems ^_^;; )
Your works are always a joy to read, I look forward to any more you may make in the future.
Thanks so much for sharing this. :)

So totally awesome, how you managed to get Doc Templeton so spot-on, Mike. Thanks a bunch for including him, man!

..Oh, and the rest of the story was a fun read, too! ^^ I'll give you a full critique over IM later, though, if ya want it.

I'm very impressed with this, Mr. Fang ^ ^ Well-written AND it keeps my attention. Why I'm not watching you is beyond me. I need to find time to read your other stuff ^ ^

Thanks, Mike!:) It's good to finally make it into one of your stories, especially one that's so much fun to read... and live through, of course.;) Insta-fave!:D

Not a bad story at all. A nice refresh from a lot of the previous stories, which involve a lot of violence and killing (Not that such material is bad, but it's a good thing to see your character do something without it)

If I may criticize a bit, it seemed a little redundant to tell Mikes whole conflict with the macros, when the impacts it made on the story here was minimal. You touched on a lot of details, like the fights and his escape from a pseudo Bond-trap, when all that was needed to be said was that he sustained quite a few injuries.

Also seemed to be a little pointless to have Erle find Mike and Wanderer in the van, when having him discover these fugitives wouldn't have much effect on the plot. Although you couldn't really many adventures in Captain Furrys city without him, it may have been better to have him do more to antagonize the characters, like sic the cops on them during a crucial moment in the climax

Also, during the scenes where characters were chatting with each other, it made it tough to follow who was saying what when one characters dialog was on the same line as another characters action. Like, during the line-

“Erm, well….sorry?” I shrugged.

“Eh, not like you did it deliberately, but I do need your help..."

While I knew it was Wanderer who was speaking in the first line, because of the situation and the order in which the two were going back and forth, putting what he said on the same line as what you did makes it tough to tell the difference.

These problems aren't condemning, however. You still did a good job with matching the personalities of Li and all his characters, and presented all the ones who were new to the series with distinct personalities to help them stand out.

All in all, this installment is a great addition to Mike Fangs adventures. I'm really looking forward to the next installment.

"it seemed a little redundant to tell Mikes whole conflict with the macros, when the impacts it made on the story here was minimal. You touched on a lot of details, like the fights and his escape from a pseudo Bond-trap, when all that was needed to be said was that he sustained quite a few injuries."

It's been over a year since that story came out, I highly doubt everybody or really anybody remembers the details.

"so seemed to be a little pointless to have Erle find Mike and Wanderer in the van, when having him discover these fugitives wouldn't have much effect on the plot. Although you couldn't really many adventures in Captain Furrys city without him, it may have been better to have him do more to antagonize the characters, like sic the cops on them during a crucial moment in the climax"

Why does every little thing every character do have to be a vital plot twist? That's how guys like Gene Catlow do a story; characters change the world every time they take a crap. If I should carve out everything that isn't vital to the main story, I should carve out the bookstore scene and the scene in Furry and Muttford's home too. Those scenes are designed to add personality to the characters.

"during the scenes where characters were chatting with each other, it made it tough to follow who was saying what when one characters dialog was on the same line as another characters action...putting what he said on the same line as what you did makes it tough to tell the difference."

That's how you're supposed to do it, that's proper grammar the last I was aware. It's common writing practice that the last person mentioned is the person an otherwise un-attributed quote is coming from, unless you start a back-and-forth dialogue between two characters, in which case it's up to the reader to pay attention enough to tell the difference.

"It's been over a year since that story came out, I highly doubt everybody or really anybody remembers the details."

Completely understandable. At that same time, a vague note that Mike went through a lot in his last case encourages the readers to check the last story if they haven't already. Not everyone has read up to this point, this possibly being their first experience. It's their responsibility to read your work.

Plus, you kinda insult yourself by compacting last years story, which I can safely say you put a lot of work into, to a half page summary. Nothing that big should be made that small.

"Why does every little thing every character do have to be a vital plot twist? That's how guys like Gene Catlow do a story; characters change the world every time they take a crap. If I should carve out everything that isn't vital to the main story, I should carve out the bookstore scene and the scene in Furry and Muttford's home too. Those scenes are designed to add personality to the characters."

I'm not asking for Erles presence to center the plot, but he shouldn't stop it when no new information's needed.

While the bookstore scene and Muttfords home aren't vital to the plot, they help bring out the major points in the characters personalities and roles.

The bookstore scene introduces Li, explains his relationship to Mike, and shows his personality by tossing some anecdotes his way. It reveals, to the uninformed, that Li is a very no-nonsense guy, quick to voice his irritations, and touches a bit on his personal conflicts.

Muttfords place elaborates on Muttfords personality as a fun-loving slob. It continues to cement Lis personality as he interacts with his polar opposite. This love/hate relationship, while not vital to the story, shows that you've remained faithful to CF's material, as well as give important traits to the characters that will give life to characters who merely support the main characters. Also sets up the solution to the cop scene, where Lis rivalry allows him to use Muttford as a scapegoat without guilt. Fang is shown as being refreshingly youthful here, as well, which makes him likable

Erles return says very little we don't know. Erle, Li and Muttford are in a conflict, the nature of which isn't focused on. We are reminded that the raccoon is a jerk, but why do we want to know that, when Erle will never be mentioned again? The only development we see is that the four are not afraid to slap around a person they hate and leave them.

In the CF stories, Erle is one of the many antagonists to the captain and his roommie. However, since Li and Wolfgang are supportive characters here, throwing an antagonist their way isn't important once it's been revealed how they'll act in the face of adversity, which was done in the bookstore scene. This is especially true when the antagonist is fully punished for a missdeed he only threatened to do.

"That's how you're supposed to do it, that's proper grammar the last I was aware. It's common writing practice that the last person mentioned is the person an otherwise un-attributed quote is coming from, unless you start a back-and-forth dialogue between two characters, in which case it's up to the reader to pay attention enough to tell the difference."

This is where I must disagree. I've asked around, and three others I asked agree that a characters action should not be on the same line as another characters. One of these three can cite some sources. Having what character A says on the same line as what character B does gives the idea that B has done both the speaking and the acting

Again, though, let me reiterate that these problems do not condemn the story. I make these points for you to have an idea how to make your work flow better. Being only one mans opinion, you can accept or reject these points, and I will not hold it against you either way.

*throws his hands up in the air in exasperation*

Whatever.

THIS was a good read! And, right in with the season, as well. Can't wait to see more work on Fang's Adventures.

Good to see you've got more good material.

Great work! Very well-written and enjoyable!

Excellent work, Detective. You have a gift when it comes to writing. Also, I didn't expect you to burst - but that I consider an added bonus >:3