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Havent posted much in a while so here we go :3 I started writing down lyrics a little better I guess, but I guess do your thing and stuff :3
Take my breath away
Teach me what to do
To dance, this night away
Just me and you
They resort to aggression
Just to say that someone dared
They say they feel depression
Just to say that no one cared
Say you love me
and here's what I'll do
dance right here babe
just me and you
as I say
Take my breate away
Teach me what to do
To dance, this night away
Just me and you
Repeat x1
And you say you love me
as I stand right here with you
You'd love to know me
Yet you oh seem so blue
And you said you'd need me
as I said I'd be today
and you looked right at me
as I say.
Take my Breath away
Teach me how to dance
Right here with you babe
Right here with you babe.
repeat a few times xD
Take my breath away
Teach me what to do
To dance, this night away
Just me and you
They resort to aggression
Just to say that someone dared
They say they feel depression
Just to say that no one cared
Say you love me
and here's what I'll do
dance right here babe
just me and you
as I say
Take my breate away
Teach me what to do
To dance, this night away
Just me and you
Repeat x1
And you say you love me
as I stand right here with you
You'd love to know me
Yet you oh seem so blue
And you said you'd need me
as I said I'd be today
and you looked right at me
as I say.
Take my Breath away
Teach me how to dance
Right here with you babe
Right here with you babe.
repeat a few times xD
Category Music / Pop
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 103px
File Size 4.65 MB
Sorry, but this made me wonder if this could be called a song at all...
To me it sounded more like you were reading up from a book, though repeating your self.
As for the music in the background, it sounded great, could be used for background music in a game like Advent rising, or a game with such a concept/theme.
sorry to break it to ya like this, but this was not interesting to listen to - but i rather tell you what i think so that, if you look to improve, maybe my critique would be helpful, but i doubt it...
To me it sounded more like you were reading up from a book, though repeating your self.
As for the music in the background, it sounded great, could be used for background music in a game like Advent rising, or a game with such a concept/theme.
sorry to break it to ya like this, but this was not interesting to listen to - but i rather tell you what i think so that, if you look to improve, maybe my critique would be helpful, but i doubt it...
That's fair, I will admit that I wrote down the lyrics for the first time and read them from a note pad as I sung in time with the music.
Besides I would have to say, don't lyrics come from stories? so if it sounded like I was reading for a from a book wouldn't that mean I was doing something right?
Also, for this particular piece, using simplistic words with a simple AB format. That doesn't compliment the BGM at all?. I could have use'd complex metaphors to communicate the same meaning, However I felt as though I could accomplish what I wanted with simplistic lyrics.
I understand that I need critique to get better, but real critique comes from telling me what I can do to get better in your opinion. If it's not a song, then you are stating that you know exactly what songs should sound like. you left the helpful part out of telling me your version of what a song should be.
So you were correct, your 'critique' wasn't very helpful because I'm still lost as to what you think could have been done better. all I know is that you don't think its a song, I was reading from a book, I was repeating myself, it would sound good in Advent rising (just the background music part) and that you felt it was not interesting.
************************************************************************
This is the part where most people would throw in stuff like.
It didn't sound like a song because...
You repeat yourself try to do... differently
It sounds good in a game like .... from .... company and there genre closely relates to.... which you should explore
You sounded like you were reciting a book try... differently
^ This is helpful, and I'd love to hear some real critique from you.
Besides I would have to say, don't lyrics come from stories? so if it sounded like I was reading for a from a book wouldn't that mean I was doing something right?
Also, for this particular piece, using simplistic words with a simple AB format. That doesn't compliment the BGM at all?. I could have use'd complex metaphors to communicate the same meaning, However I felt as though I could accomplish what I wanted with simplistic lyrics.
I understand that I need critique to get better, but real critique comes from telling me what I can do to get better in your opinion. If it's not a song, then you are stating that you know exactly what songs should sound like. you left the helpful part out of telling me your version of what a song should be.
So you were correct, your 'critique' wasn't very helpful because I'm still lost as to what you think could have been done better. all I know is that you don't think its a song, I was reading from a book, I was repeating myself, it would sound good in Advent rising (just the background music part) and that you felt it was not interesting.
************************************************************************
This is the part where most people would throw in stuff like.
It didn't sound like a song because...
You repeat yourself try to do... differently
It sounds good in a game like .... from .... company and there genre closely relates to.... which you should explore
You sounded like you were reciting a book try... differently
^ This is helpful, and I'd love to hear some real critique from you.
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