Titles and titles. :<

I got this idea a while ago that I wanted to remake a certain Banette into something more original. Don't get me wrong, I love Sock as a Banette, but how original is it to go off some other person's design and try to make it unique? It seems pretty... ehh... I want to try something new, even if I should fail miserably at it a dozen times before I get it right. I did a sketch on paper, then went on to make a digital rendition of it based on the sketch I did. This was the result.

I wanted to retain a couple of things from the Banette though. Namely the slight pear shape, but I seem to have toned it down here. Also fuck that left hand... you gave me more rage than the family issues I've had to deal with around here. But just barely...

Initial idea with this thing was an imp creature of sorts, with the "wings" acting like shadow hands of sorts that could grip and stuff. Some things are good, some things are bad, but it's not... good enough. I'm still mentally incapable of going balls out with a design, and full body shots are not my thing, really. But you gotta force yourself to do things you don't like so you can get better at it. Some things were hit or miss, but it's an early conceptual thing I'm toying with here. And a very unimpressive one at that.

But I got another idea today... you'll see that in about seven weeks or so given my pace with this stuff. Even then, will I be happy with it? Most likely not. When it all comes down to it, I'm just a mediocre MS Paint artist with more ideas than I have skill to bring to life. I want to go back to the times when I could just enjoy drawing whatever I felt like, and be happy with what I've done. Nowadays... I just get angry at this stuff. It's making me want to just stop.

Not fishing for any sympathy or pity here, I'm just pouring my heart out over things, and it's giving me that uncomfortable lump in my throat. The realization that you're just wasting away at something that's not fun anymore, just to get told the same things over and over, and get more discouraged to continue with something you once felt passionate and happy about. Been having a lot of doubt with this stuff for about a year now, I think. I get some progress but... what's the point in doing it if you can't have fun? Well... maybe it's just the events of today casting a vile shadow over things, making me see all the negative stuff.

If you've read through this without skimming, I'm impressed and a little happy about it. Sometimes it feels like I can't open up to others about this anymore, because it feels like we're just repeating what we said the last time. But if you seriously took the time to read this, thank you.

I should go sleep and get ready for Warmahordes tomorrow. Even if I won't play, some casual talk and colouring my rocketeers will most likely be relaxing.

When did this turn into a blog anyways? :<