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I had two people editing this,
barrel-o-tf
and
Kangaroo-Connoisseur
However the later doing a total re-write of the thing so I wanted to post this almost final draft without his edits, so I actually have some of my original work posted, no matter how terrible it is.
I had to get this out here, it hurts too much, I have been working on this since November and I feel I finally have a reasonable draft... this submission will be deleted once the edits are done. But I need to do something, but I am even more upset that I can't post it in chapters like I wanted.
ANYWAYS
Crap, a proper story with Alma and her crew? Hah I mean... it has been a while that was not obviously expansion based, eh? Well the story here has action, suspense, drama, space ships... actually this is my first real action story I guess. This was a challenging write, and frankly, I didn't do it right, I did a pretty terrible job.
Its a long bastard, over thirty pages. So don't even bother reading it in one go I guess.
When the final draft is done I will repost this in chapters with illustrations for each chapter... I am pretty upset I was not able to post it in chapters with this yet, I was ready to do so a couple weeks ago.
anyways this story features characters from:
kikatsu
Sharpt00th
barrel-o-tf
barrel-o-tfand
Kangaroo-ConnoisseurHowever the later doing a total re-write of the thing so I wanted to post this almost final draft without his edits, so I actually have some of my original work posted, no matter how terrible it is.
I had to get this out here, it hurts too much, I have been working on this since November and I feel I finally have a reasonable draft... this submission will be deleted once the edits are done. But I need to do something, but I am even more upset that I can't post it in chapters like I wanted.
ANYWAYS
Crap, a proper story with Alma and her crew? Hah I mean... it has been a while that was not obviously expansion based, eh? Well the story here has action, suspense, drama, space ships... actually this is my first real action story I guess. This was a challenging write, and frankly, I didn't do it right, I did a pretty terrible job.
Its a long bastard, over thirty pages. So don't even bother reading it in one go I guess.
When the final draft is done I will repost this in chapters with illustrations for each chapter... I am pretty upset I was not able to post it in chapters with this yet, I was ready to do so a couple weeks ago.
anyways this story features characters from:
kikatsu
Sharpt00th barrel-o-tf
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 58.8 kB
Listed in Folders
You know I'm fond of this story. You nailed all the characters, and while the presentation was sometimes blunt, it captured both the action and the feeling superbly. When you described the train starting to fall, I could see it quite vividly, and feel the passengers' terror at the sight. I liked the fight with Bradley too, you gave him a fair shake, but I agree, there was ultimately no way he could hope to stand up to a tank like Alma.
Here's hoping you like this thing too when you decide to call it finished!
Here's hoping you like this thing too when you decide to call it finished!
Well I am glad you liked this one man, the amount of work went into this is just, well a lot XD
I can clean up the bluntness hopefully, make things more fluidic or flowing or whatever... But I am so glad I was able to capture the action scenes and the tension... the train falling scene was where I actually stalled out writing for a couple weeks, I was just stuck there, writers block or lack of inspiration, but once I got past that things clicked.
The fight was too too fun as well, my first good hand to hand scene, that was fun to write, but hard to make it click you know?
I would so want to watch that go down... and just write another scene like that, I mean, it works when it works
Thanks so much for your help with this work man, it was a fun write for sure
I can clean up the bluntness hopefully, make things more fluidic or flowing or whatever... But I am so glad I was able to capture the action scenes and the tension... the train falling scene was where I actually stalled out writing for a couple weeks, I was just stuck there, writers block or lack of inspiration, but once I got past that things clicked.
The fight was too too fun as well, my first good hand to hand scene, that was fun to write, but hard to make it click you know?
I would so want to watch that go down... and just write another scene like that, I mean, it works when it works
Thanks so much for your help with this work man, it was a fun write for sure
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