I may not know anything about your situation. But not being able to sleep is hell.
I've reached a point where I am dependent on them, and it sucks.
Best of luck.

*there should be a mention of sleeping pills in the third sentence, my mistake.

hoping you can get some rest soon.

was this on on Paint? if so, you've used the pixely effect wonderfully. lovin' those steer horns.

And maybe you will. Maybe you won't.

I know I don't want you to die. And in the tomorrow, when someone (most likely Kaylink) makes you laugh, you'll be happy you have not died. If only to enjoy that next laugh.

I'm being harsh here but... I figure if I can't speak the truth to you without cowaring in fear from a reply then there isn't much point in talking with you at all, now is there? If you don't want to hear what I have to say, tell me so in a comment to kindly shut up, that I don't know what I'm talking about and I'll be sure not to comment to you from now on.

But if kindness and saying "I can relate" isn't going to get through that thick head of your's then maybe some harsh logic might. Or.. Make you hate me. Meh, take your pick.

Anyway,

If you want to die, be done with it. I am not going to stop you. Your close friends might try to? Your life, is your own life, your's to enjoy, your own to make miserable, your's to end. Whatever it may be, it is swayed by your decisions. A selfish thing to want to die? Oh, most certainly. But if you don't want help you would not be posting these vent pictures up in the first place. I can't say shoving aside any kindness attempted to be put in front of you is a good idea but... To each their own. *cough* Feel like I'm being too rude already but meh, do try to keep in mind that I'm human, not perfect, and trying my damn hardest here to get through to you with step by step analysis. Also keep in mind, you are not required to read through all of this; I can't force you to do anything. But careful explanation is the best way that I, personally know how to make this clear.

You're at the edge, you're in extreme amounts of pain. You have two choices in that moment which would obviously be: die or live. You choose life and decide to express these emotions in one of the only ways you know how, artwork. You post this art up to a public website. If you had drawn this, it was for personal expression. But you took it a step further and shared it with everyone who watches you. This action to share it was not for personal expression but instead for the only two choices I can think of: Wanting to show this to others who feel the same pain you do? I doubt this could be the reason if you say that "No one understands." So, what's the second option? You really are trying to cry out for help. Yet, when you recieve this help, you say it is fake, full of lies, that you're not worthy of the attention from these strangers. This would mean that your own unease about strangers worrying about you is putting a thickly layered iron wall between you and this help people are offering on a silver platter. They are putting the effort out. If it doesn't seem like enough? Well, hard to help. They are miles away (most of them) and are trying their hardest to put a dent in this door you have up. Those who aren't miles away and do live near you? I've seen some of them offer you help too. Yet you deny them, allow your person unease to lock you down. You decide not to step outside your door, to find something other than the comfort of your dog or Kaylink and you choose to say no to these offerings of going outside and getting some much needed sunlight.

Do I still not understand what's going on? Maybe I'm wrong in some areas? But it isn't as if anyone can know about this until you actually go out of your way to tell someone other than those you already feel comfortable with. People cannot read your mind, they cannot see into your past and they most certainly cannot see what you deeply and honestly want for them to do to make you smile. But you feel as if it's "wrong" or dirty to ask for this help.

Well, it's either cave in and get that damn help, fix it on your own (which you don't seem capable of doing) or go ahead, and hit the end button.

But you haven't hit that button yet. So why don't you just push outside that comfort zone you're chained in and make the effort to get yourself happy again? Your family, your friends, your counselor, your watchers, WE cannot do anything until YOU decide to put in the time to change. You want to be happy? A single person can only soldier through so much. So suck it up and let both YOU and OTHERS help if you ever want to be able to truly enjoy your life.

You didn't want a note? Well, there you go. I would not have typed all of this unless I really did care and want you to get better. You don't believe me? Fine, but that doesn't mean I won't stop trying. And if you don't want to hear this I'll tell you to shove it up your ass. If kindness won't work, I'll try the other route no one else seems to dare want to try with you.

Though I've already gotten passed the moment that inspired this vent, I am honestly touched by the passion you put into this post. Touched and impressed. Took a lot of guts to type all of that and I respect that sincerely.

*shrug* You're thick headed, I can see that much. There aren't a lot of other options out there for people to try that will actually get through to you. And... I honestly don't have time for mounds of gift art each time someone I watch wants to cut their wrists. Or worse... *sighes and shakes head* I am a little annoyed, reading over I see that I let my own emotions get the best of me and it made my grammer kinda' shitty.

There isn't any point "baaawing" at you not to harm yourself or trying to smother you with kindness that you'll never take in. So... Yeah, there yah have it.

If I asked "Are you feeling any better?" would you give me an honest answer? Or no? The moment may have passed but that doesn't always mean every piece of emotion has fizzled away.

I am feeling better yes, thank you. The problem was that I made a huge potentially devastating mistake and was unable to take the appropriate pills to combat the resulting feelings, felt guilty for feeling the way I did and no words could change that. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry my moments of weakness annoy you so much, but I can understand why they do. No one is obligating you to comment if they annoy you. In fact, if it's such a burden, then I'd rather you didn't. No need to bother others with my problems.

Ah~ No need to be sorry.

Shhh, hush. Your moments of weakness do not annoy me. I was only annoyed my own drive to do something made me make so but feeling as if no matter what I said, it wouldn't change a thing. I made plenty of grammer/spelling mistakes because of it, hit enter too quick without rereading. It's common for people to assume that just because someone doesn't type well, means somehow that they are stupid or uneducated. Which... Would also mean any advice given by said people isn't always taken or even glanced over.

And yes, bother. Just try not to put down others who go out of their way to give you assistance. Try not to shut yourself away behind that "iron door" example I gave. You can bother, they have no right to be mad at you for expression or for seeking help. I wasn't trying to say either of that is wrong. All I'd like to see is when people answer your calls that you don't.. Er, how do I say this? Hang up the phone on them or shout insults into the reciever?

Also.. I probably should add this on so you don't misunderstand.

I'm not asking you to be a perfect person. And if the anger builds up so much that you need to swear or yell, go on ahead. Just... Gah, I don't feel like I'm explaining this correctly.

Try to take the chances you're given, woman. Go out for a walk, absorb some sunlight, get some Endorphins and Seratonin chemicals flowing in your brain. Don't push yourself into the ground when you don't get things right. Take a deep breath and go to try it again. Give yourself more openings and other people more openings with you. Maybe you'll make some new friends. Maybe make new friends at college? You could get more moments to experience life without wanting to run away from it.

Ah, if only it was that easy. If only it was that simple.
I appreciate the helpful suggestions Echo, I do. Don't think that I don't. And I agree with you, that one cannot be helped until they wish to help themselves. You're very right and I hope you remember that for your own sake for the rest of your life.

When I asked for no notes, I was not asking for no one to help me. I'd just much rather get comments, as you can see, than notes in my inbox. Notes remind me of commissions, which puts a lot of pressure on my subconscious and, in this weird instinctual way, having 20 notes when I log on makes me very uncomfortable. I simply wanted to avoid that, not the people. Though you're still right- I tend to shut everyone out in a depressive state. Unfortunately, it is the nature of the beast. It's like putting a blindfold on. Suddenly the people that you know are there seem so far away, so out of reach. They're not, but it just convinces you so completely. I have to learn to catch it before I get to the 'shut out' level, so I can ask for help while it's still possible to help me. That's what I'm still trying to learn.

But I do have a suggestion. The body produces chemicals whether or not the person is emotion willing for it to happen. Certain actions lead into certain emotions, just by the nature of it and not actually forced. Example being, laughter really can have positive results on the body. Even forced laughter can mature into true laughter and spark a real sensation of happiness.

If laughter isn’t easy for you to get, there are other ways. Movement and sunlight plays a role in getting the body into a “happy” mood. Or at least the emotional equivalent of feeling satisfied with yourself. This may sound cheesy or overused but quite honestly, a good walk/run out in the sunlight can do a world of good. It’s just a matter of forcing yourself out the door. Though, with the weather we’ve been having over here, I'm not sure if it’s sunny enough over there to do that.

Anyway, you can start off doing yourself some good by getting friends to lean on. If meeting people in person is still too much of a strain, nothing wrong with a few more over the internet. This isn’t a pity, extension, if you really don’t want to add me then don’t. I’ll leave the choice up to you but I’ll be online late tonight either way. My Skype name is: naria.kitsune in Hawaii. Suck it up and drop me a line, you don’t need to be ashamed or anything like that. Try to take this offering from an equal standing person.

About the note thing, I don’t really understand but hey, that’s okay. To each their own. At least now I know not to send you notes, eh?

Regardless, I’ll trust you to keep working at it and continue learning. I’ll make sure to have patience with you; whether I’m watching from the side-lines or otherwise.

Frick, not again; on old laptop at the moment. I’ll try to copy and paste the entire message again without bits left out. doublepostdoublepost

One of my good friends started college majoring in psychology before he chose a different degree. I’ve learned more than most about this topic; I realize it isn’t that simple.

But I do have a suggestion. The body produces chemicals whether or not the person is emotion willing for it to happen. Certain actions lead into certain emotions, just by the nature of it and not actually forced. Example being, laughter really can have positive results on the body. Even forced laughter can mature into true laughter and spark a real sensation of happiness.

If laughter isn’t easy for you to get, there are other ways. Movement and sunlight plays a role in getting the body into a “happy” mood. Or at least the emotional equivalent of feeling satisfied with yourself. This may sound cheesy or overused but quite honestly, a good walk/run out in the sunlight can do a world of good. It’s just a matter of forcing yourself out the door. Though, with the weather we’ve been having over here, I'm not sure if it’s sunny enough over there to do that.

Anyway, you can start off doing yourself some good by getting friends to lean on. If meeting people in person is still too much of a strain, nothing wrong with a few more over the internet. This isn’t a pity, extension, if you really don’t want to add me then don’t. I’ll leave the choice up to you but I’ll be online late tonight either way. My Skype name is: naria.kitsune in Hawaii. Suck it up and drop me a line, you don’t need to be ashamed or anything like that. Try to take this offering from an equal standing person.

About the note thing, I don’t really understand but hey, that’s okay. To each their own. At least now I know not to send you notes, eh?

Regardless, I’ll trust you to keep working at it and continue learning. I’ll make sure to have patience with you; whether I’m watching from the side-lines or otherwise.

I am digging this response so much right now.

Uh, thanks. I figured no one would take the time out to read this whole conversation. o.o; But I tried my best? X3 Still feeling like I could have done better but eh, oh well.

I think it got the message across quite nicely.
I've been trying to say a similar thing for years now, and that seemed to reach her a good bit.

Thumbs up, for sure.

*smiles*

Maybe but it's still too soon to say one way or the other. The few comments I do leave and a fan art or two won't be enough for me as a person to leave any dent. I feel as if it will still take time before I can make a difference. But I can try?

Oh, yeah. But keep on trying, you'll get to that point eventually; hopefully, everyone supporting can make a big dent.

Some of us really do care and identify with your situation. You are not the only person on the face of this earth that struggles with depression and other mental issues. I personally fight suicide on a regular basis. It is with out a doubt an emotional and physical drain. But you can't keep pushing everyone around you away, it will only make you fall deeper and deeper into depression. Obviously, no one is perfect and depression is always like a battle with a darker you. The challenge is winning that battle. The worst thing you can do is push your friends away, then you will have to fight it alone. That makes things twice as hard, and often leads to suicide. I wish I could say more on this topic, but now it is sounding a bit cliché and I'm sure you get the point by now.

Glad to hear you feel better, at least. Also like this drawing. Powerful shit, dude.