Today we are here to honor a chair. Yes, a redwood chair.
The chair was a very expensive chair, costing the buffet $899 a seat.
Built by the finest architects, laced with gold by the finest jewelers, and the cushions having a silken finish, the chair was a monument to the rich and fancy. The chair was then sat on by Hypr T. Cat at the Fancy-Scmansy Rich Peoples' Buffet who, after he rested his fat behind on the seat for a while, caused the seat to break. The seat held up many of our best customers who waved fat wads of cash for service, held up those who made our wallets and pockets fatter, held up those who think low of the poor.

The chair will be missed.
Sing "Oh Danny Boy" as the chair is shipped off to a furniture repair shop

And now we shall buy a new chair to replace the one that broke.

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A harsh lesson here for any chair-- No chair can withstand Hypr's fat ass. Way to stick it to the snob populace, Hypr! This is a commission piece for  hypr.

Why did I give the chair a eulogy? It's teh silly.