Nicely done! I can't wait to see the rest of it. I have just a few issues, but all of them are grammatical in nature. Tense changes, incomplete sentences, and so on. Not a big deal. Everything else was right where it needed to be! It pulled me in, shook me up, and put me down, just like a good story should. A good story's like a good theme-park ride. :D What's impressive is that you were able to pull it off in under three pages. Imagine what you could do with thirty! Or three hundred!

Eh....I am a writer. Not the best at that, but I try. I would appreciate it if you gave me a few examples so I might try to improve and/or correct the problems and mistakes in the future in line with continueing this story. Feed back is always a source of information.