I thought I'd missed my chance.

For almost a year I'd been struggling with myself. I was resentful of the sort of situations I'd gotten myself into. I was damaged, and I was afraid that I would never go back to the way I'd once been. After enduring an emotionally abusive relationship and a life-changing, four-month long mistake, I had become a new person. I could no longer feel anything towards others. I didn't try to make anyone happy, and I didn't feel concern when someone was sad. I put my own needs first and didn't look back. I enjoyed the independence, but the idea of not caring about others scared me. No matter what I did, though, I just couldn't feel the dedication and love that I used to so easily emit. I thought I was done, that I had lost my chance to love anyone. Though I got better over time, I still could not make any sacrifices for the people I cared about. I wanted to, but I was utterly incapable.

Three months ago, someone replied to an ad I'd posted on a Furry dating site. Though I had no plans to get into another relationship anytime soon, it felt nice to know that so many people were interested in me. This one in particular was quite a bit older than the range I'd set for myself. Nevertheless, we began to IM one another. I found that he was easy to talk to, and I shared things with him that I usually keep to myself. He seemed to care about me very much, claiming that talking to me was the best part of his day. After a few weeks, I found myself thinking the very same thing. It had been a long time since I had been so excited to chat with someone online, and we texted virtually all day.

He's relatively local; he lives about three hours away. Ironically, I had told myself that I would not date anyone that lived more than three hours from me. Anyway, over Christmas break he went to visit a mutual friend of ours. When I got to meet him in person, I was mesmerized by his eyes. I couldn't get enough of them. I only got to spend two days with him, but I was smitten. When it was time to leave, I got separation anxiety for the first time in a year. The next day, I missed him. I MISSED him. I felt empty without him. It was...a breakthrough moment for me.

One month ago today, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He still amazes me just by being himself. He's really sweet and makes me laugh. We can talk about serious relationship stuff but also just chat about video games and dogs. I didn't think I'd ever date someone nine years older than me, but when we're together I don't feel the age difference at all. He's just someone I can confide in, someone I can rely on to make each day that much better. He listens to me rant when I'm tired and angry, and he's there to laugh with me when I'm in a good mood. I do the same for him. I'm happy to listen if he wants to complain about something. If he's upset, I want to do anything I can to make him feel better. When the two of us are together in person, I don't have to worry about anything. I trust him, and he hasn't let me down. Thanks to him, I am back to the way I used to be. I would do anything to make him happy. I care about him with all of my heart.

 kialskunk, I love you and can't wait to see you again. Happy one-month anniversary. <3