My eyes are beginning to swirl in my head.

I will read it tomorrow and show it to a couple of friends who are authors too.

First chapter read, and I have this to say.

The start was quite catchy. The mysterious man brought a lot of questions at the start (good ones), but once you went into the library it seemed that it kinda sped up. I am not good at editing or reaching perfection, but it seems that you could add more before you reach the party. Such as her life story, or how casual her life is right now. Once they reach the Library you could add visuals of the library walls, or writing and pictures in the book. Beyond that, I think the Phoenix was a nice touch, plus removing the only Human based life form from the room who knows what is going on is a good start as well.

I cannot wait till I read chapter two.

Chapter two finally read. It seems that this one is longer. Found some grammar issues, such as miss-placed words. No matter. The begging was slightly choppy, but once it got to the part where the servant came in it became better. Also There some places where you could add some stuff, and some places that can be slightly shortened(not many places that have that option, and none of it really need it anyways.) No matter, I like it, and cannot wait to see if there will be more.