“Life's all about being the correct sort of insane. Bacon.”

Code Drop: Tribbles, Bacon, & Lawbats
Novel Promo
Tempe O'Kun

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"Bacon. Store-bought gristle." Erik sniffed. "Tofu. Bacon…"

"Honey, we really need to get to the party."

"One minute. I know she lives on this floor." The retriever nosed his way down the hall, stopping at each door. "Imitation bacon bits. Bacon. Turkey jerky."

"You're insane, you know that." His pretty jackal girlfriend followed him, fidgeting with the bottle of pumpkin wine.

The golden’s tongue lolled out in canine focus. "Life's all about being the correct sort of insane. Bacon."

The door creaked open to reveal an eyeless pile of grey and white fur.

Tess jumped, cosplay bunny ears quivering.

Erik just wagged, floppy ears perking against his Stetson hat. "Hi, Ms. Clements!"

"Oh poppycock—I've forgotten my spectacles." Muttering under her purple, curly-tipped witch hat, she tottered over to the end table, her fluffy paws somehow navigating a clutch of kitsch. The fur pile turned, having donned her horn-rimmed glasses and transformed into an Old English sheepdog. Gentle brown eyes blinked at the light and visitors. "Oh, Erik dear, so good of you to come."

"Oh, I had to. We needed to have Tess try your famous barbecue ribs, remember?" The golden retriever managed not to salivate on the shag carpet.

"Ah, so this is the Tess I've heard so much about." She adjusted her horn-rimmed glasses to keep the fur from going over her eyes. "Jackals certainly come with long ears these days."

The jackal fidgeted with her costume. "They're part of the hat."

"I'm just teasing, dear." Ms. Clements pinched one of them. "Nice to have a gentleman friend who's good with his paws, eh?"

Tess's ears, her actual ears, blushed bright pink. "I— Umm… Yes?"

Her dog's tail swished.

The old and young canines exchanged a glance, then a cackle. "She's a flustered little thing, you're right." She straightened the plastic toad on her shoulder so it watched them as she retreated to the kitchen. "Let me go get the goodies. I've been keeping them warmed up between visitors."

She handed them a paperboard container. Olfactory delight seeped from it. “Here you go, my own personal recipe.”

Erik took a break from vacuuming all the scent out of the air to accept the box. “We’d love to stay, Ms. C, but we promised we’d meet some friends. Thanks for the treats!”

“Well, you two have a safe night.”

They hurried into the elevator. By the time the doors closed, Erik chomped into his second rib with canine merriment.

Tess toyed with her boyfriend’s fake wings. “Can fruit bats even eat barbecue ribs?”

“For these, we make an exception and produce the correct enzymes.” Erik gnawed at the ribs in dreamy detachment. “Only on Halloween night though. Here, try one.”

She eyed the copious sauce. “I don’t want to get it all over my paws.”

“Then hold the tribbles and I’ll feed you one.” He wiggled the canvas sack he carried.

She took the bag of soft, cooing toys from the crook of his arm. "I don't even know why you're bringing those. Pretty sure they didn't have tribbles in the 19th century."

"Or cellphones." He turned and bumped hips with her, pressing the thin slab of technology against her thigh.

“The tribbles aren’t what I’m worried will eat all the ribs, lawbat.” A ding announced the ground floor. They hurried out an into her car.

Seat belts clicked into place. Licking his chops clean, Erik selected another succulent slab of rib and raised it for her to nibble at.

“Wow, those are really good.” She licked her delicate lips. “But it’s going to stain my fur. Do we have any wet naps?”

“Bah! Wet naps!” With that, his wide pink tongue began slurping across her muzzle fur.

“Erik!” Tess squawked and squirmed. “Driving!”

“Oh calm down, my saucy little jackal.” He licked the sauce from her muzzle. “I’m helping.”

Seconds later, with the sauce situation resolved, a slightly-damp Tess caught a glimpse of something metallic in the rear view mirror. “Is that the tennis ball cannon in my backseat?”

“Are you saying tribbles don’t belong in the canon?” The golden hugged his cargo of cute. “Because I can cite several episodes...”

“Why?”

“Really, Tessie--” He munched at another rib. “--can you think of a better way of delivering that pun?”

~ ~ ~

A Halloween treat for all my fans! :D

Edits:  Nyaasu,  vendetta_leopard,  darkdragon452
Arts:  mitti<- Go forth and commission her! :)

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Comments and candy welcome. Bwahahaha!

-Tempo