Album: Mindless Conformity For Fun and Profit!
Track: 10

A spoken-word sequel to the first, eponymous track. It's intentionally poor in places (the laugh-track sounds canned, as it's meant to), but there's also the problem of me not having a pop filter. Still, this will do for now.

Note that this isn't meant to be funny; it's meant to be... er... well, a bit sick, really.

Transcript:

[CROWD cheering.]

BARKER: Yes, yes; thank you all, very much! I'm excited to be here with you fine people today, and I'm sure you are, too! [CROWD applauds. BARKER chuckles.] So I see. Good, good. Now, I'm going to keep my introduction short: I know you're all familiar with our best-loved product, Mindless Conformity. Today, I'm going to show you how it can be used not only for fun, but for profit! Might I have a volunteer? Someone who wants to be Void Of Mind™? Ah! Yes, you, sir. With the loud shirt. My, isn't that... unusual? [CROWD laughs.]

MAN: Um, hi! My name's Adam, I'm, uh, a poet—

BARKER, interrupting: A poet!? He writes poetry! I do, too: "I think that I shall never see / Any decent poetry. / For if a man should have a brain, / He'll seek monetary gain!" [CROWD laughs hysterically.]

MAN: Yeah. Yeah, I write poetry. Um, and I like art... And music...

BARKER: A regular member of the intelligentsia, aren't you? How elitist! [CROWD boos.]

MAN: And that's came to you today! I signed a waiver back there, and I'd love to know if you can help me with my pro— [Gunfire. CROWD laughs uproariously.]

BARKER, clapping: Let's give him a big hand, shall we? What a good sport; what a good sport. [Aside.] Someone get a mop.

Special thanks to Soundbible.com and Audiencesounds.com.