Well first off, people can't read this format on FA. Post it in a .doc, .rtf, or .txt encoded in UTF-8 format.

Okay, thanks for letting me know.

Not much can be said on this due to its shortness. The underlying mystery and tone keep it interesting for the audience. It also starts well

However, characterization lacks along with description. First person is the harder perspective as description and build of scene relies highly than upon the interactions of the character in perspective. In this it limits from the full build of scene for the audience.

In this characterization is even more important as such a character is the only tie for the audience to the work.

Best of luck with the rest.

Thank you.

Your honesty is very much appreciated. I will do my best to work on characterization and description as you've suggested.
I can see that given the story, more information about the surroundings as well as the character's personality would be needed.
Considering your comment about the character being the only tie in for the audience, that's what I think needs to be done.
As always, I'll be looking forward to seeing what you think of it.

Thanks again.

I've slightly edited the story in an attempt to improve it.