You might be wondering: "hey.. my sona is a 6 foot tall muscular dick with nine dicks that shoots dick lasers. What has this fat lazy cunt got over me?"
Bitch look at Tiberius. What sane motherfucker doesn't want to cuddle the fuck out of that? See all that fuzzy shit? that's a goddamn winter coat- any person caught cuddling in that would be the warmest person on this side of the goddamn sun.
And harmless? He's a goddamn pushover for fuck sakes. Knocking on bitches doors bringing them boxes of chocolate and flowers like a whipped pussy- who doesn't like gifts?
"yeah well hold on one cunt punching minute- I buy gifts too."
Yeah- but you won't do it like I can. Write a poem there then slap that poem all up in that present's shit make it all nice then BAM right in their hands it goes. Gushy and junk. Seal it with a kiss and all that romantic crap I secretly love.
And Usefull? You get stranded on a desert island with this fucker just chop off a tentacle- instant fucking sushi or something like that. Whatever it's all raw goddamn fish anyways just go ahead it'll grow back- octopods regenerate you sorry sons of bitches- like they're fucking Deadpool and that's the sweetest shit to come out of Canada since the Wonderbra so it has to be fucking awesome.

There was more to this but I forgot it.
/What have I done/
God i'm tired.
BEDTIME.

Tiberius belongs to me!