Characterization still lacks immensely. Work on outer description and reinforcing character traits throughout a work mainly through individual iconography.

One this I forgot in the last part is do not use () parenthesis to add to a text in fictional writing. This is due to anything added to a text suffices as part of the rhetorical flow. Parenthesis in the use though is an excellent habit to have for nonfiction though.
In developing writing a writer needs to learn and understand the rhetorical triangle.
Rhetoric is the art of writing, speaking, and presenting well.
It consists of the rhetorical triangle.
The triangle is as follow the story you are conveying vs. your text (medium) vs. your audience.
These three sections are dependent on three elements.
Logic (Logos) Ethics (Ethos) Emotion (Pathos)
When we write everything we do consists of these elements effects parts of the triangle.

Ends are important; the ends of chapters impose to lead into the next chapter. Constructing each chapter with a purpose and building up and then down to a miniature resolution for the next chapter is essential for work flow in the relationship between text and audience.
To be continued does not work well for this rhetorical presentation.

Keep working on your description.

Thank you again, I guess I still have a long way to go to be a good writer. Lol Again thanks.

it sounds good so far but it could use a little more something to grab a readers attention but your doing good on character development so far.

Thanks I'm still working on that lol

Ok.. another part of your story I've read now..
Let's see... The story itself is quite interesting, I'll give you that. The only thing I found myself really at odds with is apart from a few typos the structure of dialogues. I had a hard time following who says what to whom. You might need to take a closer look at that. I for one could make do by taking the context as a whole and use it to patch up most of the gaps I encountered. Yet this will not apply to most readers.