This is what I see in the first part for when they are in Lyoko, you did James' point of view. I read on in it and I saw that you changed to a 3rd person few to see what Zana was up to. I read the aftermath (the second part) and everything was back to James' view. You stayed on his to the end. The last part started in a third person view and switched to the unknown person's view (I think). One thing you should know as a writer to keep it in one view unless you say something that's suppose to change the view. An easy way to know what the visual point should be is to know what you wanna give.

That's only my opinion though. I think the story is great and it's making me wonder what that mystery character is and what Zana is planning. Leaving cliffhangers is something good to keep to make people think of what could happen.

This gets me to think about a book that gives views from two people, but they are seeing different things. It's called Thirteen Reasons Why. It's a good book that has to do with a teenage girl's suicide. One thing you need to know is that the author made it to where it shifts between two views. The girl's view is italicized while the other main character's thoughts are normal.

well this is my first attempt at this on a site like this. im only a beginner.
although i once wrote a Kingdom HeartsxEragon story but i can no longer find it. and i think i did very well with it. i also wrote a pokeon story that is leaning towards adult content later on into it but havent gotten very far. im tired.

You have great potential as a writer. If you can explain even tough things in a story, you are a writer.

I just woke up

Aww thanx. I still wish I knew what happened to that story I wrote all those years ago. But has at least someone believes in me. I'm gonna post a chapter to a story that I wrote for a creative writing class that the teacher actually liked. He was seriously impressed by what I wrote. Read it when it comes up and tell me what u think.

Okay, I'll read it like a good friend ^^

Alright. I'll post it today.