02

I'm reading an interesting article about the psychology of memory when I suddenly look at the wall clock and see that it's 03am. I should have done my usual check-up at 02am but I've been too focused on the newspaper so I've forgotten my commitments. Even though I've slept for several hours during the day, my brain is sluggish and slow. It always gets slow at this time of day and I take out two Red Bulls and drink them before leaving the staff kitchen.

I get to the large space before the main hall. The main hall with the aquarium is on the left way but I go the right way and get to where the exhibition ends. I use my staff card so that the gate opens and I enter the exhibition. There are several tall displays with sea objects inside and the objects are protected by bulletproof glass. These treasures are worth several million so they need to be protected properly. If they are not properly protected and some brazen thief manages to take them, the museum will not get any money from the insurance. Everything is as it should be at the exhibition and I pass all the displays.

I arrive at the large split submarine and go inside and turn off some lights that shouldn't be on at this time of day. I didn't check it earlier because I was so focused on the mermaid. Someone has thrown some paper waste on the floor in the submarine and I pick it up and throw it in the large trash can and I enter the next room where all the mechanical things are. My favorite is probably the steam-powered boat engine. You can see the inside of the boat engine and how all the shafts and propellers move in harmony with each other and how the steam affects them. I would have loved to work with something like that.

Someone has dropped a cap by one of the newer boat engines and I pick it up and see if there is a name on it. It doesn't, but I'll take the cap with me. It will be put in the box with found objects. Hopefully it will be returned to its owner. I walk on and come to the exhibition that shows how people lived in the past. There is a special smell in here that I love. I stop at the hard school desks and think that they are terrible to sit on. I have tried them and I say; never again. I also think about the school teachers having to beat the students who didn't behave, which feels horrible today but not at the time. I pass the old clothes and they are fascinating to look at. It is completely different from today's fashion.

I move on and pass the temporary exhibition about the Viking Age. It had many visitors in the early autumn when it opened but unfortunately the novelty has worn off. There are several videos of the exhibition on Youtube and we have tried to remove them but copyright does not seem to apply to exhibitions.

I arrive at the animal exhibition. The dead animals are in displays and it looks as if they are reaching for me in the dark but that is just an optical illusion. I think about the animals that have lost their lives and are now stuffed and displayed here. Was there anyone in their herd who missed them when they were killed or had the whole herd been killed? Were the animals happy while they were alive?

In the middle of the exhibition there is an aquarium and it contains a live animal. It is a Wels catfish and is said to be an offspring of the Swedish great lake monster. I look at the swimming fish. It is difficult to say whether the big fish understands captivity. It basically swims in its aquarium and not much else happens. Maybe that's why visitors haven't shown much interest in it.

The mermaid in the main hall understands what captivity means and strangely enough she seems to accept it. But on the other hand, I don't know how long she has been trapped. Maybe she has been trapped so long that she has almost stopped caring. I also don't know how long her journey has taken.

I leave the animal exhibition and come out into the main hall. In addition to the large aquarium, there is a gigantic replica of the inside of a boat and several larger stuffed animals. Among them is a mammoth and some gigantic wolf that has recently been discovered. The gigantic wolf is said to have been a werewolf but it is obvious that it is a simple wolf but that it is gigantic. I would not have wanted to face that beast alone if it had lived. Passing by this huge wolf feels a bit ticklish.

Suddenly I think of Matilda. Today is exactly one year since she died and the memory of her death makes me sad.

I look towards the large aquarium and see that the mermaid is doing something. She is facing the fish pond and she swims as far down as she can and makes a hasty knock on the glass of the aquarium. Then she swims as high up as she can and seems to be studying the fish while she has a wicked smile. It looks like she is playing hide and seek with the fish. I go to the aquarium and the mermaid stops in a movement and points at the fish.

"The fishes are really funny. They notice me and get scared but some minute later they have forgotten about me."

"I see you're having fun."

"There's not much else to do here. Would you like to feel my fishtail or not?"

My judgment may not be the best this late at night, and as I ponder her question, I say yes without thinking. I walk over to the lift, stand in the basket, and maneuver it to the top of the aquarium. The mermaid swims as high as she can, studying me as she continues to smile. I step out of the basket and onto the top of the aquarium, approaching the farthest lid. I take out the key, unlock the lid, and open it. The mermaid swims further down, raising her fish tail so high that it sticks out of the lid's opening.

I don't hesitate, I bend down and grab her fish tail. It feels like a dolphin's tail fin, a bit like a flexible hard-boiled egg. I've petted several dolphins and also held their tail fins. That's why I know how it feels. I can feel the strong muscles under the thick scaly skin. I suspect the mermaid can swim fast if she wants to. Despite the strong muscles, the fish tail feels very flexible. I thought the scales would feel like fish scales, but they feel like mammal skin but with noticeable bumps. I run my hand over the bumps and I notice that they have different thicknesses. The ones closest to the tail itself are the thickest. I could easily have stood and stroked the scales for a long time if it hadn't felt wrong. The mermaid's fish tail has a faint smell of fish. I have no idea how long I stand there feeling the mermaid's fish tail but finally I let go of it and it goes back into the water.

The mermaid is quick and swims to the surface again and she looks at me. Our eyes meet and she has a nice look. My pulse increases as we look at each other and I start to feel hot in my face. She looks attractive but I usually never fall for that. I start to close the lid but the mermaid gently grabs my hand and stops me and she looks into my eyes.

"Do you enjoy who you are? I mean you´re a cool human being but haven´t you ever wished to be someone else? Something more than just a human."

"Uh no. I,m happy as i am. There´s no reason to change things."

"Okey, just asking. You had a sad look before. Umm, anyway. Could you feed me some fish? I see theres alot of fishes in the pond and i know they reproduce very often."

"Sure thing. I can do that."

I get down from the aquarium but leave the lid at the top open. I go and get a bucket and fill it with some water and gather some fish. The fishes swim around in the bucket and sometimes they touch my hand. The fishes are very slippery and can be hard to get a hold of but I've gotten used to it as we've had to move them when the fish pond leaked and had to be repaired. I use the lift and get up to the top of the aquarium again and the mermaid looks expectant. I pour the water and the fish into the aquarium and the mermaid is quick and eats them. I'm impressed by her speed.

The mermaid swims up to the surface again and I start to close the lid. Suddenly I see a quick movement and feel strong teeth against my skin and when I look at my hand I see that the mermaid is biting my hand. I get both scared and angry and shout.

"Hey! Stop! You're hurting me."

The mermaid meets my gaze and stops biting my hand, looking ashamed.

"Sorry. I couldn´t resist. I didn´t mean to do that."

"But you obvious did."

"I,m so sorry."

"Look at my hand. It´s bleeding."

"It will soon stops bleeding. Why were you looking sad before."

"Sorry, i don´t wanna talk about it right now."

"I,ve had a very rough month. I met someone who i thought was a true friend but he accidently found out what i was and he tried to expose me to the world. I lived in New York when i met him and he lived in Jamaica and i moved there. After my mate tried to expose me i fled but he had told about me and some people searched for me but they found nothing. i was swimming in the sea when i got captured in a fishing net and later transported here. I nearly died during the transport. No one fed or cared about me. You,ll think they care about such a special thing as a mermaid but nope."

"Okey, fair enough. Well, i was in love with a nice lady and we were supposed to move together when a robber with a knife ended her life. It happened one year ago this night and the robber never got caught."

"I,m so sorry for you. It must have been hard for you."

"Yeah, i guess you can say that. Um, may i ask. What do you do when you´re not a mermaid and swim in the sea? You mentioned missed being a two legger."

"I normally work in a cloth store. Thinking about that, they probably miss me and wonder where i am. I haven´t always been a mermaid. I become one after meeting someone named Henry. Oh, he was so special but also a merman. He ..."

The mermaid falls silent and looks at me and our eyes meet once more. I can barely tear my eyes away from her and I feel the blood pulsing throughout my body and I feel warm and... maybe in love. I recognize the feeling and I bite my lip. I haven't felt like this since I met Matilda. The fact is that I haven't allowed anyone to really come into my life since Matilda's death and now I feel the same way about Matilda as the mermaid. It has stopped hurting where the mermaid bit me and when I look at my hand it looks as if the bite wound is healing. A bite wound never heals that quickly and I look at my hand and the mermaid in wonder, alternating between them. The mermaid has a strange smile that I haven´t seen before.

The mermaid starts swimming and the spell between us is broken and I feel strange all over. What is happening between the two of us? I shake my head to myself and close and lock the lid and use the lift and get down from the aquarium. The mermaid swims happily past and waves to me and I wave back. I glance at the clock and see that it is 6 am. Time has really gone so quickly tonight.

I feed the fish and as usual they stick their little heads up at the surface when they see there is food there. The mermaid turns and looks at me and the fish and she looks amused. I notice some new little fish that I didn't see yesterday. They must have been born recently and it's obvious that they are not very used to food yet. I nod to myself and leave the large hall and head towards the staff kitchen.

I sit down at the dining table and take out a crossword puzzle but I have a hard time concentrating. My thoughts keep going to the mermaid and how amazing her fish tail felt but also when she bit my hand. I shouldn't have felt her fish tail and I should have been more careful so she couldn't bite my hand. I should be more professional than that. I also realize that I have been attracted to her and it feels wrong. I go to the bathroom and wash the hand that the mermaid bit and the damage is even less now. That doesn't feel normal but I don't know what to do.

I google merman and find out that it's a male version of mermaid and actually I had already guessed it considering the name but I wanted to make sure I was right. I wonder if I've seen any mermen in movies and the only one I can remember is Zac in the TV series Mako Mermaids. I chuckle at some scenes that I remember from the series. Zac was a funny person and if I were a bodyguard I would probably be a bit like him. Suddenly I hear the mermaid singing and there's something familiar about the song but I can't identify the song. I like the mermaid's voice and I leave the staff kitchen and go down to the main hall and listen to her singing. It's really spellbinding. The mermaid doesn't seem to notice that I'm near the aquarium and I don't say anything. I don't want to ruin this magic.

The mermaid's song goes on for a long time but suddenly it stops abruptly and I turn around. The cleaners have just arrived and they also seem to have heard her song because the main cleaner has taken out his airpods and seems to be looking for the speakers that he thinks the song was coming from. I look at the cleaner and greet him.

"Such a lovely morning, heh."

"Uh, it´s snowstorm outside but that tune was really comforting and nice. I,d like to hear it again."

"I guess it´s the morning tune for the day. You never know."

"I have never heard such things before but you might be right. Well, time to work."

The cleaner walks further into the room, ignoring both the aquarium and the mermaid. The mermaid is facing the cleaner and the fish pond so I can't see her expression and I walk around the aquarium to look at her. The mermaid looks very concentrated but when she sees me she relaxes and swims to the surface and she draws something with her hands. I don't have time to read the sign language the first time but she repeats what she said.

"I blocked his mind so he wouldn't realize he saw and heard me. We mermaids and mermen can do that. For our safety of course."

I look at the cleaner and turn to the mermaid again. She is a clever and smart individual. Maybe she could even trick me. I have to be more attentive when I'm around her. None of the other cleaners look at the mermaid so maybe she affects them too or they don't care because it's not their job. The mermaid swims so that she is in front of me and then she starts making funny gestures. I can't help but laugh and she looks amused when I'm happy. I stay in front of the mermaid for a long time and soak up all her beauty. The mermaid changes her movements and moves in a sensual way and it increases my attraction to her. Every movement is soft and smooth. I feel inside that I would have liked to be like her and be able to move the same way.

When I hear the cleaners turn off their vacuum cleaners, I go back to the staff kitchen. I collect five coffee cups and milk and sugar and put it on the desk and wait for the cleaners.

The cleaners arrive after a short while and we drink coffee and chat about everyday things. They are not used to me being social. Most of the time I just say a quick hello to them. We sit and talk for a while and they leave the museum just after 8am. I go for an extra round to check that everything is as it should be and when I get to the main hall I stop again at the mermaid's aquarium and she gives me a loving look and swims to the surface and she chuckles softly.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I think we're starting to fall in love. But it doesn't matter, not to me anyway."

"Hmm, it might get a little awkward if my boss finds out, so I think we'll keep it a secret from the others."

"That's probably a good idea. By the way, what are you doing after you leave the museum?"

"Go home and sleep since I've been up all night"

"Promise me to be careful if something unexpected happens"

The mermaid suddenly looks serious and worried and I promise her to be careful. After all, I'm always alert and always vigilant even when I'm not working. The mermaid seems to calm down again and she points at me and giggles.

"You're such a funny guy."

"Well, thank you."

I hear someone unlock the museum's main gate and a few seconds later Harald comes in and he has so much snow on his body that he looks like a living snowman. Harald shakes off most of the snow and goes straight to the main hall and he looks pleased when he sees that the mermaid is awake and active. Harald walks up to me and greets me cheerfully.

"I see our mermaid is awake. Have you told her about the public yet? Our first reporter will come in about two hours and I don't want her to be shy and hide."

The mermaid looks at me strangely.

"What does he mean?"

Harald flinches when he hears the mermaid talking.

"Woah! I didn't know she could talk. That's freaking awesome."

I nod and turn to the mermaid.

"Eh well, he means that the news will come and look at you and maybe even some museum public who hear about the news. This guy is my boss, by the way."

The mermaid doesn't look too happy with my answer and she doesn't seem to want to look Harald in the eye.

"As long as they respect me and don't knock or bang at the glass i guess i,m fine with it even if i don't like being exposed."

I turn to Harald.

"You should set up signs saying "Dont knock or bang at the aquariums glass". Some visitors can be very rude."

"Yeah okay. That's not a problem. The question is if she will perform."

"I think she will."

Harald nods happily and gets a softer look.

"So, how's the night been? I know it's one year since.."

"It's been okay. I,ve been busy with the mermaid. I cleaned the floor so it wouldn't be slippery."

Harald looks happy and turns to the mermaid

"Ain't she a beauty? We will make money, i,m telling you."

"Yeah, right"

I turn away from the aquarium and feel ashamed. I have become involved with the mermaid and do not want her to be shown to curious people, but I cannot say that. Instead, I mumble something inaudible and leave the main hall and head towards the staff kitchen. I hear Harald walking behind me, but I want to be in peace and think and not answer any questions. It occurs to me that Harald is probably on his way to the changing room to hang up his snowy jacket and maybe change into different shoes. The changing room is opposite the staff kitchen. I increase the speed of my steps and when I get to the staff kitchen I go in and close the door. Fortunately, Harald does not follow me in, but he goes to the changing room.

I sit down at the dining table and pull the unsolved crossword puzzle and the pen towards me so that it looks like I am focused on the crossword puzzle in case Harald opens the door to say or ask something. I twist and turn the pen and feel uncomfortable. I can't tell Harald about when I felt the mermaid's fish tail, when she bit me, and that we're in love. For the first time in my life, I have to lie to my boss if he asks. I haven't had to do that before and I'm a bad liar. Luckily, Harald doesn't open the door or stick his head in the doorway, but I hear him leave the dressing room. I decide to change into my civilian clothes and finish a little earlier. I arrived a little earlier yesterday. I go into the dressing room and change.

I leave the changing room when I'm done and go down the stairs and down to the entrance and the main hall. The other people who work at the museum have arrived and they're standing looking at the mermaid. The guard who works during the day has also arrived but he's not standing by the aquarium but is standing talking to Harald. Harald has several large posters in one hand and I get confused but then I remember that Harald took a lot of photos of the mermaid last night before he left the museum. I say hello to Martin and he lights up like the sun. We nod to each other and he waves goodbye. Just to be safe I ask Harald if I can finish earlier and that's totally fine.

I go out through the museum's large gate and am met by a big snowstorm. The strong wind tears at my clothes while the snow whips my face. Today Liseberg won't even be open for a walk and even though the museum is attracting a real liiving mermaid it's not certain that there will be that many visitors. I don't see a single person as I walk to my apartment building. Not even the dog owners are out with their dogs. I see several trams stuck in the snow. It doesn't happen often, but I've seen it before. The snow is coming in through my jacket collar, but I welcome the cold because I'm starting to feel warm. Two plow trucks drive by at high speed. They must have a lot to do today.

I enter the entrance of the apartment building and stomp off as much snow as I can. The floor in the entrance is very wet, so I guess the other tenants have done the same. When I get to my floor, I see a note on my front door. I recognize the handwriting. It's the elderly lady next to my apartment who wrote the note and it says.

"Please close the front door carefully. It rattles so loudly when you get home at 9am. Don't forget to be economical with the water. Showering for 15 minutes is not economical. Think about how economical people had to be during World War II. Your dearest neighbor."

I stand looking at the note and think that my neighbor has too little to do if she has time to take my time when I shower. Besides, she can't complain about noise after 7am. Construction workers are allowed to start work at 7am and it's much louder than when my door closes. There are some construction workers renovating an apartment higher up and I can hear them drilling but accept the noise. Right now they don't seem to be there but I heard them on Thursday. I facepalm myself when I remember that today is Saturday so they're not working then.

I unlock my front door and go into the apartment and even though I don't have to, I close the door carefully. I go into the kitchen and have breakfast and I feel hungrier than usual so I grab a few extra sandwiches. After I eat, I go to the bedroom and the bed looks so inviting that I lie down right away. It doesn't take long before I fall asleep.

The mermaid visits me in my sleep and she swims seductively in front of me while she says "You can trust in me". She says it almost in the same way as the snake Kaa in the Jungle Book and I both want and don't want to trust her. The dream distorts my meeting with the mermaid so that it becomes completely bizarre and I back away several times before I finally trust her. A little later, the mermaid and I are swimming next to each other and we are in some big blue ocean. I find it strange that I swim as well as she does and breathe in the water without coughing and wheezing. I turn around and see that I have a similar fish tail to her and breathe with gills.

My surprise is so total that I wake up from my sleep with my breath in my throat. That felt like it really happened and I can still feel the weight from my fish tail. I barely dare turn around and check but finally I do. The weight I feel is from the bedspread that has fallen down at my legs. and I breathe out. However, I can't help but think about what the dream showed and what it means. Do I want to be a merman?

I feel significantly warmer than when I went home and it's probably due to the dream but when I think about it I probably have a fever. I'm also very thirsty so I get out of bed and go towards the kitchen. Strangely enough, the light from the lamp in the kitchen feels more intense and I squint my eyes as I reach for a glass in the upper cabinet. I fill the glass with ice-cold water and drink most of it right away. Normally the water doesn't taste anything special but this tastes stale and chlorinated and I grimace. I turn around and look at the clock and it says 12. So I've slept for about three hours but I usually sleep longer before I get up. I feel my forehead with my hand and it feels feverish but I don't have a thermometer so I can't check if I have a fever or not.

I decide to sleep a little longer so I go back to the bedroom and straighten the bedspread before going to bed again. I lie down and look at the painting that hangs opposite the bed. The painting shows grandpa and me out fishing. I've recently caught a pike and I look proud as I show it to the photographer. Grandma probably took the photo because I probably visited their summer cottage and fished down by the river that belonged to the summer cottage. There were pike in the lake then but not anymore. I wonder how old I was when this picture was taken. It was before Grandpa got very sick so the photo must be older than the mid-1980s. Grandma and Grandpa had their summer cottage until 1986 when they sold it. 1986 was a tough year because both Grandpa and Grandma died in the fall of that year.

I still miss them but it was a long time ago that I thought about the wonderful fishing trips that Grandpa and I went on. I wonder what Grandpa would think of the mermaid at the museum. Would he think it is wrong to show it to the public? When I think about it, I know exactly how he would have reacted. He wouldn't have liked the idea. The sea must be allowed to hide some secrets.

I close my eyes and let sleep embrace me again and it doesn't take long before I'm asleep again. The mermaid visits me in my sleep and she swims just as seductively as before but she acts differently and speaks with a honeyed voice that calms me. She promises to help me through my changes and that she will always be by my side. She has an idea that the two of us should make music when we're not swimming together. She's going to sing and I'm going to play the synthesizer and I like the idea. She has a magical singing voice. The mermaid gets serious and says that before we can do all this I have to free her from the aquarium and that I have to go through my first transformation.

My mind becomes troubled by what the mermaid says and I wake up once again, this time bathed in sweat. I feel considerably warmer than before and wonder if I should call the hospital. I definitely have a fever and I don't think it's good to be this hot. I look at the clock and it says 3:00 PM. There's no way I can work when I have this high fever and I call the museum and call in sick. The air in the bedroom feels incredibly stuffy and I struggle out of bed and stagger to the window and open it. The cold feels incredibly nice and if I want to I could stay here all night. It's still a snowstorm and a lot of snow is falling on the floor and I move an extended power strip out of the way. It's not good if snow and moisture gets inside it.

I realize that I must be losing both fluids and salts when I'm this hot and sweating so much. I can barely go to the kitchen but I force myself and when I finally get there I turn on the water tap and fill the glass I used earlier. Just like before, there's something about the taste that feels wrong but I need the fluid so I drink the water. I fill the glass again and am just about to start drinking when I see the salt. I shrug and take the salt and pour some salt into the water and I drink the salty water. Somehow the taste feels more right and I think it's my body's way of saying it needs salt. I think about filling the glass a third time but refrain. It's not good to drink too much at once. Now my body has to deal with the fluid I've taken in.

I stand there hesitating. Should I go back to bed or should I try to stay awake and drink at regular intervals? It’s been a long time since I last had a high fever and I don’t remember how I did it then. I go back to the bedroom and stand in front of the open window and cool myself. The cold seems to ease my fever, but not much. I still don’t see anyone moving outside and considering how much it’s snowing and blowing, that’s not so strange.

My thoughts go to the mermaid. I wonder what she's doing right now and if there are a few visitors watching her. Hopefully one of the workers is feeding her so she doesn't go hungry. I can't imagine Harald feeding the mermaid. He just wants to make money. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the mermaid bit his hand. That would teach him some sense. I react to my mean thoughts about Harald and look at the hand that the mermaid bit. There's no mark on the skin of the hand and if I didn't remember it happening I would probably think I dreamed it all. But I know better because I remember it happening.

I think about what the mermaid said about her life on land and I start the computer and go to Google but I don't really know what to search for but in the end I search for "Juliet New York Cloth store". I don't think I'll get any relevant results when I press search. But I get several articles and they're about the same thing and I go to the article that has the most views. There are big headlines on the page and I read the whole article.

"Police and relatives are still searching for Juliet Doreen, who has been missing for more than three weeks. Juliet is 39 years old and works at H&M in lower Manhattan. She was last seen with a short, blond man who is also wanted. If you know anything about Juliet's disappearance, please contact the lower Manhattan police station."

There are several photographs of Juliet and I recognize her even though she doesn't have the scaly skin and fish tail in the photographs. It's obvious that it's her. I'm surprised that her relatives don't seem to know her secret. On the other hand, maybe no one would take the article seriously if it mentioned that she happens to be a mermaid. I wonder if I should tell her that she's wanted by her relatives and the police. Maybe I should go to work and talk to her even though I have a high fever and my body is protesting. But I reject the idea, it's not a good idea. It's better to rest and let the fever go away.

I remember that Juliet mentioned someone called Henry and I search for "Juliet Doreen Henry". There's only one hit from a Facebook page and I click on it. It turns out that Juliet has an older Facebook page that hasn't been updated in five years. I recognize her and in the last post she is seen with a man called Henry Parson. Juliet has written about Henry

"Henry rocks my world. As many know Henry and i have already met many times and i love his quirky ways. He´s a weird and funny guy and two days ago he did something really weird. He bit my finger and then apologized and showed a wedding ring and asked if we could get married. Of course i said yes. So, here we go. Soon to be married. But first he will show a special cave in Mallorca. I,m so exited."

I am looking for information about Henry but there is very little information about him. He has lived in Etobicoke in Toronto and seems to have gone to some high school there. There is only a photograph of him with Juliet. I decide to print out Juliet's wanted list and the Facebook post and I start my printer. While I wait for the printer to finish I go out to the kitchen and fill the glass with water again and add a little more salt. I drink the water and it has a wonderful taste.

Suddenly I feel my legs give way under me and I fall to the ground. The last thing I see and hear is the glass shattering on the floor. Then everything goes black.