Minor grammar problems, stuff like that but not bad! :) Ive been trying to write a couple different 40K things myself, including one over the Sons of Medusa, one of the chapters that came from the Iron Hands after the Heresy.

Thanks. I know I have made afew gramaticle mistakes but when I wrote this the program didn't have spellcheck.

YEah its cool man. :p Happens even when I have the programs. lol

Good story Thwaitesy, although it seemed cut off at the end, unfinished I assume :3 Can't wait to read the rest.

Well the reason it seems cut off a the end is because I've got some Major writers block. It is serioulsy hampering the continuation. BTW what do you think of Caine, Thane and even Hypax?

There interesting to say the least.

I'll take that as a complement my friend ^_^

Good :3

Yeah, I'm really hoping to get rid of this writers block soon. Once we get to the Fortress we'll get to meet the rest of the Astral Gurad, Lycastus, Xanphos and Haemon.

Time will tell how things go :3

wow I like the flow and rhythm you have going through the story so far. As for writers block hmm maybe you can go a bit into detail on the weapon he crafted or the possible problems he ran into making it as it is from an older era then he might be use to in some ways. (like trying to tell kids these days how to use Floppy disks)

I tend to be used by friends to bounce ideas off of as I have a creative streak that once I start it tends to run till I run out of steam. that and my tech knowledge tends to break things down fast and rebuild them for doing things like describing believable weapons in more detail then just "it looks like (random weapon X)"

Thanks for the comment I really appreciate it.

I'll consider you words of wisdom.

if ya need someone to just bounce ideas off of ya can use me when I am around makes me feel useful at times

Thank you. ^_^

would be most helpful.

Seems pretty well written but if I might suggest soemthing go back and read some of the 'horus heresy' series and some of the ombini that they have produced.

I've read the Horus Heresy books. My bro has 'em all. I know it hasn't been said but the idea was that the those Iron Warriors who sided with the Emperor, way back when, would have been allowed to disguise themselves as Imperial Fists. Hence the comment that the Imperial Fists trust them.