I have been circling the drain for years on the question of how much my fursona needs to represent me as I am, versus some kind of wish-fulfillment. About five years ago I created Nickel’s first ref as close as a furry version of myself as practical, and even then I took liberties with the eye colour.

Since then, despite making another ref, I’ve not drawn him very much, considering he’s supposed to be my super special character that’s me. It feels to me like I made him out of necessity, to just have something I can throw at other artists when I need to have a character representing myself. As a result, I don’t think I’ve been as excited to draw him as much as I get excited to draw other characters. It’s even gotten to the point where I’ve been playing with designing a totally new hyena fursona that’s meant to be far more comfy and wish-fulfilling. I think doing so would probably risk consigning Nickel to the bin altogether though, which would be awkward for my account name.

I’m going to give Nickel a fresh start. This version of him is a lot more wish-fulfillment, more me playing with my fuzzy toys than worrying about to what degree a character faithfully represents some part of myself (I guess all characters do represent their creators anyway). I think he can have an appearance, personality and context that’s inspired by or reflects parts of me, but also is allowed to differ and be his own thing based on what I enjoy in character design.

So no, I don’t have a ton of piercings, or blue eyes, or a job doing Mudrunner in real life. But I have grown beards, enjoy the faded jeans look, and have a cap virtually glued to my head when I go outside. I’ve been the weight I’ve drawn him, but it never looked so good on me, I imagine he does drive trucks when I’m a heavy vehicle operator myself, and I think I’m ugly when people say I’m cute, and I think he’s cute and hot when I could see how, to many people, I’ve probably drawn a pretty ugly hairy dude for something supposed to be wish-fulfillment.

I guess I like the idea of looking approachable, friendly, comfy and easygoing, though I’m self-conscious that I’m actually a bit neurotic, irritable and persnickety at times. I like the idea of looking a bit punk, carefree and rebellious, even if I’m really the kind of person that’s up all night spiraling over whether I’m being judged. I like the idea of looking confident in my sex appeal, even if really I am very harsh on my real appearance. And I always want to be perceived as working hard. So yes, there is a lot of wish-fulfillment here, even if it doesn’t seem glamorous.

I think writing this exposes another paranoia of mine - that I need to rationalise and explain my character design decisions like I’m defending them because I’m being judged. I have this mad scenario in my head that someone is going to be looking at me suspiciously, tapping the drawing and asking why I chose this or that.

The answer is because I want to play with the aesthetics that I’m enjoying or interested in at the moment. I see a ton of great art every day, and I draw inspiration from many places. And if I have a fursona, or any character, which I actually find visually appealing in a way that excites me to draw him, then I’m more likely to draw him. Glad we got that out of the way.

…One last note. I didn’t put a colour palette on the sheet because I’m convinced, after looking at a couple of threads on the subject, that they are utterly useless on a flat-colour ref sheet. Most artists colour-pick off the character, and a surprising number just eyeball it.