Steve: Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive
Steve: I wonder if clouds look down on us and say, 'Look, that one is shaped like an idiot'.
Steve: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Michael, to Steve: Please, picking locks is my specialty.
Michael: throws a brick through the window
Michael: Okay, let’s go.
Steve: I'd die for you.
Michael: Please don't. That's a lot of paperwork for me.
Steve: Texts a selfie to the group chat Hey besties!!
Michael: Texts a selfie clearly parodying Steve’s hey besties !!1!
Steve: I literally hate you so much.

fhillip: This can’t get any worse. Can it?
Steve: Sure it can - just give me a minute.
fhillip: When did you become a hero?
Steve: Um… the moment I saved you from getting killed.
fhillip: You’re the last person on earth I wanted to rescue me.
Steve: Well… sucks to be you, don’t it.
Steve: I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
fhillip: That's oddly specific and deeply concerning.

Steve, after watching Peter get shot by someone: You’re dead. You are very dead. When you are a corpse I will hack away at your flesh and eat you raw.
Peter: Steve, I’m not dead yet.
Steve: Let me have my moment of rage to avenge you.
Peter: I’d prefer it if you didn’t let me die.
Steve: I'm a problem solver.
Peter: You're a problem creator.
Peter: You know, sometimes I really think I can be too gay.
Steve, covered in bi merch and sipping an iced coffee: Sucks to be you.