So totaly ignore this...

I have been hurt so many times by this same guy, not really physicaly, but emotionaly. That is to say to the poit where it does hurt physicaly. I have loved him for a very long time now, and that says alot. So one night he tells me that he loved me. That he was thinking and wondering how to tell me becase he was being a "coward" in his own words. I remember. And he told me that While I showed that I loved him fully every day I saw him, and I admited it to him, and I doidnt let him forget that.
So whaen he said this, I was a bit happy. Confdsed but happy. He acctaly cried for the first time that I had ever seen and it made me really think he ment it. And I knowe better than to expect anything, so i didnt. Thogh a few converstations we had wold prove to me, and what it sounds tlike, that perhaps he does care abot me somehow.
Bt all this time we really only sat and played cards seince we got together, and that was cool, we did alot of that before, bt I sbmit to him, playing game after game I really didnt want to. Once or twice is okay, bt I don't like spending the whole day playing damn YGiOh and Pokemon and shit, even thogh I'm the one who got him back into cards...
So, they day I wanted to ask him if jst me and him cold go somewhere together, he came over to my hose. In the midle of a Portal stage. So, I saved and ate to find him playing. And theere goes or day, my plans to ask him overcome by wanting to let him be happy. Bt I sholdnt have done that. As he was going to go home he told me he needed to talk to me, allright then. Here I am shaking and sick to my stomach and I was right. "This isnt going to work ot." WTF does that mean? Anyways... So somehow we ended p staying out all night,. Biking here and there ntill 1am. And maybe he's right. Maybe thogh I'm thinking in my own mind that I'm jst not worth it. Then if he realy cares maybe he will do somthing abot it. But I failed to ask. Becase his reasons for letting me go are qote "My dad won't let me come over to your house, even thogh I do anyway. I want sex, bt yor nderage (even though we allready fond a soltion to that) and I jst don't feel like being in a relationship with a girl" again,. what the hell? I know he claims to be bi, bt I'm sre he isn't. And it brings p that qestion I really want to know. Is it worth it to get a sex change for him? Knowing that I could possibly be left again and stck with a body I could eventualy come to hate? Though I have always had those thoghts in my mind that I hate being a girl, I hate the fact that a change wold be permanant and comes with all sorths of fees and other isses I don't really want to deal with...

So my qestion is, if he comes back to me, what do I do?

(also, even though I was jst venting, I rather like this character, a freakhond. Especialy black teeth and white tounge, ooh. Possibly a keeper. )O.O