This picture might've ben a good "last pic for this year" kinda thing, like that 2020 callendar objecthead in 2020, but I decided I wanna draw it now, as this year will soon come to an end.

This year was very rough for me. Mental health problems, relapsing into bad behavior, problems with people I know, bad luck, awful incidents happening all through the year, and the unfortunate passing of a loved one who I knew since I was a child to top it all off. I won't be sugarcoating it - I have debated about taking a well-known-way-out many times this year with myself. But my fear of death kept me from it. And somehow, I survived. I no longer have any desire to live, and my life no longer has that special feeling, that spark it once had, but yet, I am alive.

I've long debated about whether I should draw myself, because I am a ugly ogre-looking son of a bitch, but I decided to finally draw a reflection of how I view myself, my first self-portrait since 2019. Why? Well... I won't beat around the bush; people detest me - 3/4 of the internet hates or just dislikes me. Some just don't like the way I am, others don't like what I do, and the worst ones insinuate disgusting things about me, like that group of people that in 2021 would spread rumors that im a child molester, or people who still think I am one. I've ben called a pedophile, a racist, a zoophile, a schizophreniac, a neo-nazi, and much more - i've ben everything. So many masks have ben given me it's a miracle I still have a bit of myself left in me.

Even among the fat fetish community I am considered a freak. My fetish art of dicators, soldiers, etc. or my odd quirks like giving characters jobs or nationalities, or my bodytype preferences which make my art look "samey" to many people. I've even ben called the worst fat artist by some people, most of the time from what i've seen when my art is posted on a server it spirals into a discussion about how I suck ass, and even many of the artists i've looked up to as a teenager as inspirations for my art journey blocked me, especially during that Dictator Mangle pic drama in early 2024.

But around 2024 or so, I decided I should break the shackles of being worried about it. May people speak - I do to nobody no harm. Maybe I am cringe, maybe I am the "Polish Chris-Chan", maybe I am a piece of shit, maybe my art does suck, maybe I am the worst fetish artist on the web. But as long as I have people there who support me, who love my art, who loves what I do, who will always stand by my side, I will be always there for them. I may not want to live myself, but I can at least live for others.

All I can say to sum myself up is: I may be cringe. But I am free.

And thank you for being there for me, with me. I will be there for you as well.


(Please don't throw pathetic hissy fits; this is not meant to be some"shots fired hitpiece" at anyone who abused me online - this is what I can call a "positive vent art", and as a thank you card for everyone who supports me on both sides of the web - both Polish and International. Keep this comment section fucking civilized.)