I’m dealing with this quiet, heavy kind of depression. In a few hours it will be a new day, my birthday, but time after time November 26 turns into a point where everything inside collapses. Every year the same things repeat: I end up arguing with someone, plans fall apart, my mom finds a way to bring me down, and my relatives forget I even exist.
I’ve stopped planning anything at all. Every attempt to arrange something in advance gets ruined anyway, and I’m left feeling like I’m fighting against my own life.
I can’t remember the last time this day felt genuinely good. When there wasn’t this emptiness or the urge to run away just to escape the feelings that come with it.
I don’t even know if this is despair or something close to it, but I can’t seem to shake it off.

Just a note to myself: try, at least a little, to live here and now.