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How would you react if you suddenly woke up in a different body? A different species? A different world? Your mind is clear and present, your memories and experience intact, but nothing else makes sense. Danger is everywhere but hope is lurking around the corner too.

Part 3: A shift in prospective, a little lore, and self-reliance

---

For a long time, the four of us stand completely still. My mind races to adjust everything I thought I
knew about my new circumstances. These wolves aren't better than me. They aren't more real.
They're the same! Ryker starts to walk very slowly towards me. Shade lies down and Stone looks
into the distance as if recalling a memory. Ryker stands so close I can feel his body warmth and he
lays his muzzle on my back before moving forward to nuzzle my neck. We spend time just listening
to the sounds of nature around us. I don't know what to say. A mess of questions trip over
themselves in my head. Ryker looks at me solemnly and breaks the silence.

"Denzel, look. I know you have a thousand questions. I know you need answers. Hammer didn't lie.
We genuinely know nothing about what happened, to any of us. The only things we know are the
things you know. We woke in the forest and now we're in the pack. Bella almost said it matter-of-
factly last night. We have all been there."

I turn my head towards Ryker and sense him whimpering.

"Why didn't you or Hammer tell me? Why keep quiet?"

Ryker composes himself.

"Because to give a new wolf any chance at coping, Hammer decided, in fact we all decided, to
stand tall and teach you as if we'd been wolves our whole life. Most new wolves need a lot of time,
a lot of love and a lot of patience to get to a state where they can even come to terms with what
has happened to them. It took me moons, seasons, to stop thinking about getting home. Many of
us died, or went mad, or were unable to process the suddenness and senselessness of the
change. Until relatively recently many new wolves were on their own."

I silently beg Ryker to continue. For my own sanity, I needed to hear this. He pauses and looks
down for a moment before continuing.

"About seven winters ago. There was a new wolf named Tyler. Unlike all the other new wolves at
the same time, he coped with the change remarkably quickly. He was resourceful and patient. He
was a survivor. He had a confidence that none of the others shared, so much so that he even kept
his human name. His wolf side and human side fell into lock-step straightaway. Tyler realised the
only chance the new wolves had was to work together. He found a few others wandering in the
forest, starving, maddened by loss and false hope that the magic would somehow reverse, but it
never did. He calmed a few of them, the stronger ones, and they started to hunt together. When
Tyler died, Hammer was his beta. Without Tyler, none of us would have made it."

"I know you want to know everything that happened to all of us. Stone, Shade, myself, Bella, we all
have a past, but you have to realise that to ask us about it is to take our minds back to a time of
immense emotional pain. I saw you break down in front of Hammer. You think you were the first to
react like that? We've all been through that moment of sheer terror, and we'd rather not relive it.
Here are the truths you've got to hang onto: we're free, we're together, we can find happiness, but
we can't go back."

I start to shake. I can't stop it, but something deep inside me keeps me focused. I can be a wolf.
Ryker glances at the others, and Stone and Shade start to pad towards me. Ryker turns back and
looks at me, his voice gentle.

"Denzel, of all the new wolves that have come to the pack, you've coped better than any wolf, any
wolf, since Tyler. You said to Hammer that you dreamt of being a wolf. I almost danced with joy at
hearing you say that. I'm surprised you didn't smell the sudden fascination directed at you! I
immediately hoped you'd come over to Stone and I, and we were blessed that you did. I realise that
your head was full of confusion and anguish at the time so I'm not expecting you to know this, but I
needed you as much as you needed us. You're a remarkable wolf, and I'm proud to be your friend,
your brother."

I gape at my friends. Ryker's words stop my questions dead in their tracks. Even if I knew the
histories of everyone, why would it matter? It wouldn't change the new reality of our lupine
existence. The fact remained that I was a wolf in a forest. The past was a mess of emotions, but the
future was an opportunity to a certain extent. Being a wolf wasn't terrible. In fact, my memory
reminds me of the moment I looked at my reflection in the stream, feeling almost happy. The only
constant here was the slow steady ticking of time and the possibility of more happiness to come.
There was hope.

The thought settles me, and somewhere in my head my wolf and human sides shake hands.

"I... can be a wolf."

I nod at Ryker and return his affection by nuzzling his neck. Stone and Shade stand right next to
me too and we all do our best at a group hug. I make a little mental list of the things I'm grateful for,
as if to satisfy myself that things are going to be ok. The list feels pretty long.

Ryker breaks contact and appraises the group.

"At least we got a good meal this morning. Stone, you were deadly!"

The complement makes Stone stand tall and breaks him from his melancholy.

"It was a team effort guys. I couldn't do it without you."

Unspoken words hang in the air as I retrieve the broken antler, and we start to walk back through
the forest towards my new home.

The conversation on the way back to the den returns to the hunt. Shade and Stone discuss ways to
improve technique and then argue over how to improve Stone's fitness. Ryker pads beside me and
looks at me knowingly. He knows I still need to ask questions, if not about our human past, then
about our wolfen present. I sense Ryker needs time to order his own thoughts though, so I stay
quiet until it's clear he's ready.

The forest feels subdued. Morning turns into afternoon. The temperature lifts and we all start to
pant. Not making any attempt to stay silent, other creatures stay away. It makes me realise that at
least I’m an animal at the top of the food chain. Ryker notices me suddenly grin.

"You're taking this remarkably calmly."

I stop and place the antler on the forest floor.

"I was just feeling glad there was nothing out here hunting us!"

Ryker smiles in the wolfen way and confirms my assumption.

"There's nothing out here that we know of. If we were on our own and injured, then maybe, but as
long as we stick together, we'll at least stay safe from that kind of danger."

"There are others?"

"Absolutely. A sting from a bee, a bite from a snake, poison from a plant and of course illness and
injury. There's no wolf medicine, unless you count our saliva. Fate guides us now, but we can't
dwell on the chances that something bad will happen. If this experience tells us anything it's that
life, whatever its form, is precious and every moment must be savoured. I'm beginning to think
Denzel, that one of your greatest strengths is going to be your positive state of mind. Optimism is a
limited resource, so keep telling us how great being a wolf is. Some pack members haven't been
with us for long. Remember that."

The news makes me what to push the topic further, but I stop myself, knowing how fragile emotions
are. I change the subject.

"Can you tell me what happened to Tyler? You said he died."

Ryker looks sad.

"He fell ill and didn't recover. I only knew him briefly as I'd only just...arrived. He was revered then
and still is. The others in our little family never met him. I've been with the pack five winters now,
and as I said before, you're the first new wolf to sound and act like him. It took me a whole season
to get to the point of running, laughing and howling like you did this morning. In fact, even your first
words to us yesterday took me completely by surprise. It's nice to get an immediate compliment
though. Thank you."

I look pensively at my friend, and he tilts his head to one side.

"It's ok Denzel. Ask away. Just take care yeah?"

I nod thoughtfully.

"Does the pack know how big the forest is?"

Ryker thinks for a moment.

"Hammer knows far more than I do. Back in the early moons, the pack moved around a lot. I think
they were searching for more information about why we were here rather than any attempt to map
the area, but apart from the forest turning to grassland in the north and west, they didn't find
anything important enough to warrant continuing. After a while, the strongest wolves agreed that
the best choice was to stay in the forest where food and water was plentiful. In the moons before
Tyler died, the pack started to slow its movements, and it centralised around the clearing we now
call home."

"I don't think Tyler wanted to stop searching, but then he started to get sick. Hammer was always
his second, his beta. Hammer's advantage is his size. He's imposing, intimidating and has that low
gruff voice. He was an easy choice for us to look to when it was clear Tyler wasn't going to recover.
Hammer's also fair and just though. He gave us all a say in what we wanted to do next, and we
decided we wanted to build a community and defend a territory."

"It was becoming clear that the only option was to accept our new lives. There wasn't anything else,
but the community started to grow, and we started to make friends and mates. Bella and Shade
aren't really sisters of course, and Stone isn't really my brother, but after a while we started to
depend on each other so much that we realised we were one big family. You're a part of that now
too."

I realise that despite his discomfort, Ryker is pushing himself to answer me truthfully. I
acknowledge his affection for me by walking closer, my fur brushing against his. Our connection
feels like nothing I’ve felt in either body; like the big brother I always wanted. Ryker leans into me,
his tail wagging against mine.

"Here's something you need to know. Bella hasn't been in the pack for very long. She's a strong
wolf and she's got a sharp mind, but she's vulnerable when it comes to her human connection.
Only in the last few moons as she got to a point where she can be happy. You notice she didn't
hunt with us. She still finds it hard. If there's anything else you want to know then ask it now. I'd
rather not talk about the past in front of her. It took me a long time to coax her out of her mental
prison."

I add two and two together.

"So, you looked after her?"

"Yes. Hammer saw that Bella responded to me more than the other wolves and he told me he
wanted me to help. Now she's my mate, and I couldn't be happier with her."

I smile and nudge Ryker in a playful way.

"You dog!"

Ryker laughs and nips me playfully on the neck.

"Go easy. Don't get too cocky and confident. The four us will be able to play along but some wolves
in the pack might be a bit overwhelmed by that approach. Just be careful. Oh, and one more thing.
Back when I was talking about dangers, there's one other that you need to be aware of: other
packs."

I gasp and realise I've been assuming that all the forest wolves were previously human. Ryker can
immediately tell what I'm thinking.

"It's not as simple as thinking our territory is impervious. We're not the only wolves out here. The
vast majority of former human wolves are in Hammer's pack, but the situation has only recently
stabilised into an us and them situation. There are wolf packs beyond the edges of our territory. We
can communicate of course, but their approach to life and survival is very different to ours. Our
human backgrounds give us a unique human-wolf culture. The other packs know our territory, and
most are scared of Hammer, so there's an uneasy peace. That's why I told you last night not to get
too comfortable. There are wolves out there that might become...a problem...so keep your nose in
the air."

"Let's call time on the chat for now, else your head will explode. The other two must be half way
back. Come on."

I remember to pause to pick up my memento and scamper after Ryker. Shade and Stone are
nowhere to be seen but their scents mark a clear trail to the north-east. I put the questions to bed
for now and follow my big brother, my belly full, and my optimism keeping me calm.

The walk back passes without further incident. I spend the time trying to rationalise my new life.
Things feel so simple now that I chuckle inwardly with a human sense of guilt and embarrassment.
I wake. I wash. I eat. I drink. I sleep. No more wondering what to wear. No more worry about
money. Ok, so the challenges I now faced with my new family were huge, but at least my mind
could cope with the clear goals we had. My head feels like a much more peaceful place all of a
sudden. Ryker's revelation has silenced my doubts too. Now that I know the truth, I feel more
kinship and more camaraderie towards my fellow packmates. We were suddenly all in this together,
and I was never going to feel like an outsider again. Hammer was right. I wasn't alone anymore.

Lost in more pleasant thoughts, I realise we're almost back. The strengthening scent markers from
the pack become more frequent and I hear the sound of the river to our right. We emerge from the
trees, and I see Shade already in deep conversation with Bella. It isn't difficult to guess what they're
talking about. Ryker and I take our time crossing the stream as we amble towards the den. Bella
turns her head and trots towards us, her tail swishing vigorously.

"You're late!"

Her voice is firm with hints of a growl, but her scent says friendly banter. Ryker hangs his head in
mock shame like a scolded pup, and Stone and Shade share a knowing glance. Shade snickers
softly, and Stone tries to hide his grin. Bella shifts her gaze to me, and our eyes lock for a brief
moment of silent empathy. Her gaze softens but her eyes twinkle.

"And you! Your fur is a mess!"

I glance back at my body and down at my chest. The bath in the stream near the deer has caused
my fur to dry slowly on the walk back and has had the effect of fluffing it up to ludicrous proportions.

"Sorry Bella. It was my fault we were gone so long. I hadn't tasted deer before, and I couldn't stop
eating!"

Bella's stern expression cracks and we all burst out laughing at the sight of my fluffy brown fur.
Bella doubles over with mirth and Stone falls slowly to one side in a brilliant moment of slapstick.
After minutes of playfulness and laughter, Bella finally calms herself and looks at me again with
affection.

"Oh Denzel, you're something else, and Stone, how you're allowed anywhere near a hunt, the
creator only knows."

She pads over to me and starts trying to smooth down the fur on my flank and neck with her tongue
and paw. I look at her with the unspoken question, and she stops and looks me in the eye again.

"Everything will be ok brother."

And that tells me everything I need to know.

We relax outside the den together enjoying the company in our little family group. I spend the time
practising my self-grooming after the ribbing I’d received, eventually satisfying myself that I no
longer look like a giant cuddly toy. We watch Stone practising his pouncing technique. After several
hilarious mis-steps I suddenly understand why the others bait him so much. He never seems to
mind though. We're comfortable with each other, and I really would do anything for them. I find
myself next to Shade, and I continue to watch Stone out of the corner of my eye. I'd never really
spoken to Shade, so I try to break the ice.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you and Stone, you know, get together?"

Shade looks at me shyly, her fur perfect. In fact, I'd never seen even one stray hair out of place.

"He took me for a hunt. It was just the two of us. It was...calamitous!"

Shade grins and looks at her paws.

"He was so confused over his body. He still is sometimes. Most of us have let our instincts take
over and gradually teach us, but Stone is adamant that his human side can make the wolf even
more deadly than it already is. It's almost become an obsession. Most of the others find it hilarious
watching him, but I find it really endearing. He's full of love. He'd do anything for me and I him. He
loves the pack for how they helped him and in turn he helped me. One evening I looked at him and
realised that my feelings toward him were more than friendship or family. We asked each other to
be mates almost in unison. One day you'll feel the same about someone. I'm certain of it."

I smile as Shade looks up at me. The moment intensifies and I realise I need to change the subject.

"Oh, and you've got to show me how you keep your fur so neat!"

Shade laughs and gives me a nudge with her nose.

"Practise, Denzel, practise!"

Shade pads away, and I use the moment alone to head to my spot by the stream. I look at my
reflection again and suddenly I remember my deer antler. I look towards the den and see it to one
side of the entrance. Checking it's still where I'd left it takes my mind back, not for the first time, to
the moment the deer's life ended. I put the memory together with everything Ryker had told me. I
still feel numb about the experience, but my conclusion is stark. I have no choice. Unlike being a
human, being a wolf isn't about picking from a list of possible lifestyle choices. I'm a wolf. There's
no opt-out.

Rolling the thought around my half-human mind, I now understand why so many new wolves
struggle in their new life, their new existence. They couldn't bring themselves to surrender to the
instincts that would have kept them alive. Stone must be a lucky one. Rather than fight the instincts
he copes by trying to build and improve on them. Shade seems to have brought aspects of her
human life into her wolfen one to create a balance. Ryker appears to be focusing on community
and helping others. The commonality in my friends is that they've all completely accepted what they
are. I look at my pack mates spread around the clearing and resolve to do the same.
I look at the antler again and make a choice such that it is. I will try.

Daylight is running out. I approach Ryker who has been to see one of Hammer's advisors. His
expression is unreadable, but his scent says tension. I decide not to pursue it. I'd already given him
a tough enough day.

"Do you think anyone would mind if I stayed with you guys a bit longer? I'd love my own place but
waking up and feeling everybody with me this morning was, something I needed I think"

Ryker smiles and softly nuzzles me.

"Of course you can Denzel. The den is no bridal suite. We may have mates but we're wolves.
You're part of our family. It's no throwaway line to make you feel better, you truly are! To tell you the
truth we usually all snuggle up together. Last night was different. We didn't know how much you'd
truly settled down after the day you had. Even the fact that wolves don't wear clothing is something
that some newcomers take moons to get used to."

I chuckle and remember that somewhere in the forest, my pyjamas still lie abandoned.

"Thanks. I guess my human side still wants to think human thoughts. I'm happy to snuggle."

Ryker returns my smile.

"Just no sudden movements. Bella is a nightmare when she decides to rearrange us all in the
middle of the night in her sleep."

We both laugh and go our separate ways temporarily. I retrieve my deer memento and take it into
the den where I place it next to the fern leaves I had slept on the previous night. I would keep true
to Ryker's suggestion. I would look at it daily from now on.

I go and relieve myself and take a drink and then walk back to the den via a small detour to taste
the berries from a bush Shade had eaten from earlier. The taste is sweet and tangy, and my small
detour ends up being a fairly long one. By the time I re-enter the den Ryker and Bella are already
curled up together. Remembering Ryker's encouragement and once again reminding myself of my
new body, I curl up next to them and feel my body press against theirs. A wonderful warmth and
contentment envelop me, and it only grows when Stone and Shade join us. The feeling of
snuggling up with my friends feels so nice. I'm warm and happy. I drift off to sleep somewhat
wishing that I'm still a wolf come morning.

---

I dream of the deer. Stone mis-times his pounce and the deer gets away only to run straight at me.
I open my maw and grab it by a leg, only I can't bring myself to hold on. The deer turns and
screams at me in pain. I run. I run without direction. I hear voices calling out to me to stop and
return but my legs only move faster and faster. Only I'm not a wolf, I'm human, except I'm still on all
fours. I can't move properly. I'm slowing down. The ground is pulling at my legs like it's made out of
treacle. Slower and slower. I can't move. I turn my head, and I can see the deer running straight at
me, blood pouring from its leg. I scream...

...and wake with an almighty jerk. There's faint light in the den, and I see bodies move around me.
A head rises and I see eyes looking at me. The scent in the den is suddenly one of concern. I head
off the questions.

"It was just a bad dream. I'm going out for some fresh air."

I whisper at the sleepy wolves and extricate myself from the soft mass of fur. I glance at the antler
before making my way outside. My body feels desperate for relief and whilst the dream is still
fading, I do my business and mark a tree. Note to self. No berries before bedtime.

I wander to my favourite spot and look at myself once again, this time to simply reassure myself
that I'm still the wolf I think I am. I try to recall the dream, but it slips away. It leaves the image of the
deer again locking eyes with me in the course of its final breath. I close my eyes tightly and open
them again. Was it always going to be like this? I remember Ryker's words about Bella and fully
empathise with her reluctance to hunt. I also remember Ryker's words about finding balance. Time
was a great healer, but so was experience. I find myself half remembering a human adage about
facing our fears. Forcing yourself to go through with something: holding a spider or snake say, can
help. The difference is that they are irrational fears. Was my fear irrational? I'm a wolf. Being fearful
of eating seems pretty irrational to me. I make a decision. I look again at myself in the stream.

"I may not have to prove anything to my friends, but I do need to prove something to myself."

I pad carefully across the stream and slip into the forest. The sun must only be just over the horizon
as the forest is dappled with incredible light. The light bounces under the canopy and beams shine
between the trees in lines that split and split again. Everything is coming to life, almost in reaction
to it. I concentrate on what I need. My stomach says not too small, but my brain says not too large.
My wolfen instincts immediately turn on a filter for rabbit and the switch for stealth. I let my nose
lead whilst my eyes and ears provide very able backup. Without thinking this time my paws find the
exact right path to remain both hidden and completely quiet, "like a hole in the air" as Ryker
instructed me.

I will my human brain to stay equally quiet so as not to distract me. Using my instincts to full extent
but staying in control I sniff and discard multiple scents, the majority birds and rodents. I try not to
dwell on the time I am taking. There's no pressure here. No-one to tell me off for doing it wrong.
The worst that could happen would be a missed meal. After a while I relax further and realise that
I’m starting to enjoy it. Being in control of my own destiny fills me with excitement and anticipation. I
concentrate further and make my way further into the thick forest. I can no longer smell the river,
but a pack scent marker is over to my left. I'm still in our territory. The markers are not random I
realise but spaced in a spiral emanating from the clearing. It works in such an efficient way that I
precisely know the direction and distance to the den. Getting lost is impossible.

Revelling in my patient sorting of smells I come across one I've not come across since the previous
day. I remember being mildly interested in it then but discarded it to refocus on deer. This time
however, I start to analyse it and follow it almost due east. The smell is definitely something edible.
After perhaps a hundred yards, the trees thin. I find myself behind a perfectly positioned tree just as
my nose gives me a red alert that the scent is dead ahead. On my belly now, I wait, remembering
the golden rule. Sure enough, I hear movement, and right out front, maybe only fifteen yards away,
is a brown hare.

My excitement and self-congratulation threaten to derail the hunt there and then. The hare lifts it
head, and I freeze, even daring my heart to stop pounding in my chest. Then something beautiful
happens: the hare turns it back to me. Looking back on the moment I could swear that no
conscious thought passed through my brain. An instinct grabbed me. An instinct that said "Go!"

I explode forward, my body knowing exactly the number of paces and timing of jump it needs. My
brain is on full wolf override, and I let my jaws clamp down on the hare as though my life depended
on not ever letting go. The hare lets out an almighty squeak, but my determination to prove myself
trumps anything my human nature can react with. The squeak stops and I stay absolutely still. I
decide there's no chance I'm going to give this up and simply stay in position. Suddenly there's a
jerk, and I close my eyes, concentrating hard. When I open them again, I find myself tasting blood.
The animal seems to be limp, but I know I must be sure. I increase the pressure in my jaw and hear
a crack followed by a crunch. My human brain rolls the dice one last time but I'm resolute. I. Am. A.
Wolf.

I sit up. Minutes must have passed, and the hare is still. Blood drips down my chin onto my chest
and the forest floor. I idly note that the taste is lovely and I'm suddenly ravenous. At long last I
release my grip, and the hare falls to the floor. I simply look at it for a long time, but my feelings are
overwhelmingly of accomplishment rather than empathy for my fallen prey. My breathing slowly
returns to normal, and I glance about. I'm almost paranoid that a rival wolf is about to spring out
and grab my breakfast. I pick up the hare again and decide to move to a better location with more
sight lines and fewer criss-crossing smells.

It isn't long before I've triangulated scent markings, and I start to trot at a steady pace back to the
clearing. Recalling the previous morning and my melodramatic entrance after my run, I realise that
all I want is some space and some peace. The others are bound to be following my scent, so I
decide to head for my spot by the stream and avoid any grand display. I'm in luck. Only Stone and
Shade are in sight as I reach the closest point of the forest to the den. They both look up, but I try
to ignore them and pad over the stream to a grassy ledge. I drop the hare again and at once start
to tuck into it. I don't even think. It tastes even better than yesterday's deer but I'm in no doubt as to
why. Food always tastes better when you prepare it yourself.

It takes me a while to pick the carcass clean, and I wash it down with a long drink. A restless night
and the excitement of my first solo hunt has left me feeling tired and as the sun rises into the late
morning sky, I only grow wearier. Fortunately, there is cloud cover now, so I just rest with the sound
of the water nearby. I see all my friends go about their business, but no-one comes to visit for a
while. That's just fine by me.

---

End of part 3