Fear,
Fear consumes me.
Fear grasps my mind and never lets go.
Fear controls me.
Fear makes me regret myself.
Fear keeps me from being myself.
Fear controls me.
What would they think?
What would they say?
What would they do?
These questions paralyze me.
These questions horrify me.
These questions wrack me.
If I was me,
If I acted naturally,
If I said what I wanted to say,
If I was myself.
I try to ignore it,
I try to brush it away,
I do my best to keep it from encasing me.
But I can’t.
I never can.
I fear I can never break free.
I fear I’ll never be ‘okay’
I fear myself.
I wear a mask with my friends.
I laugh,
I act out,
I am crazy.
I’m not me.
You will never see it,
Because I fear your thoughts,
Your words,
Your actions.
I fear being myself because
I fear you’d never understand.
I fear that you’d leave,
That I’d be less one more friend,
That I would eventually be alone.
Fear.
Damn it.
Damn this fear.
Damn its power.
I want to be stronger than it.
But,
I fear I will never be.

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I've been frustrated recently.
I don't know.