Despite the fact that I usually draw very quickly and constantly surprise my customers and friends with it… this time I turned out to be damn slow haha… and I’m very sorry for that. Previously, when artists delayed my return art for a trade for too long, I was honestly a little annoyed, because I could not imagine what could prevent you from not drawing the art you promise for SO long, but… now I understand. When you have a lot of work (and other things to do in reality), promises made, and moral fatigue from many things, it becomes really difficult to repay debts on time. well, despite the fact that I have long crossed the threshold of adulthood, such moments make me grow up a little more on a mental level. I always try to “be perfect” and surprise everyone in a good way. To please everyone. But I continued to do this for so long that I just got tired of such a “fast” pace of life. This doesn’t mean that I will now draw slowly (even my boss at work couldn’t make me work slower haha) I just came to the conclusion that I should include periodic moments for breaks in my schedule and perhaps warn about it in advance so that it doesn’t look like a sudden disappearance from all radars, as if I stopped drawing altogether (or died. Double HA. Ukraine moment, guys)
Well, I also wanted to talk about the latest news. At the moment, I am in another country on a temporary job as a waiter, which is why I actually draw less now. However, in October I will return to Ukraine again and the regular art regime will return to normal (actually, a similar story happened last summer, the only difference is that I did not stop taking orders in parallel with work and.. it ended badly for my arm and mental state huh).
Speaking of mental health. I’m making progress in therapy, despite the fact that I made a clear decision to give up antidepressants and cope with the shitty days on my own. The past experience turned out to be… It’s not the most pleasant, and I don’t really want to do it again. But my psychologist says that I’ve already taken enough steps to see the result, and I’m damn happy about it.
My social phobia is already much less than it was before, I’m becoming more confident in myself, I’m starting to defend personal boundaries and really take care of myself instead of thinking about “being convenient for others.” My main love for Sunset Shimmer started precisely because of how cocky and confident she is all the time, despite the mistakes she has made. And I’m glad that I’m taking small steps to get closer to this image (at least collectively. I’m not going to steal magical artifacts and enslave the xd). But hmm.. Let’s see.
Oh, I also think I want to thank my audience.
I already have 880 followers on Twitter, 7000 on tiktok, and a year ago on deepibooru I received such badges as “A Really Hyper Artist” and “Chaotic Little Trees” among others (I post the same post on all my social networks.that’s why statistics may not be obvious to everyone) and damn… I still can’t believe it sometimes. On a global scale and cool recognizable artists, this is certainly not a lot, but… For me.. it’s still awesome. I was invited to several cool collaborations by artists whom I had previously considered unattainable idols.. It’s really so nice. I’ve been drawing since I was a child, but I never dared to think that I could rightfully call myself a great artist. And for a long time, despite the amazing feedback from customers, I preferred not to notice and mentally underestimate my achievements in order not to “relax”, I compared myself with other artists whose skill was much higher, specifically harassing myself with the fact that I should try harder even if I couldn’t mentally cope with my own pressure. And … Now this is not the case. I… finally feel free. I draw what I like, I draw what others like, and it’s an amazing feeling of freedom. I feel like I’m in my place, no matter all the shit that’s been going on in my life. And I feel recovered enough to finally admit it. Acknowledge and not be intimidated by these big words.
P.S. And also thanks to the long breaks from drawing, then I’m blown away by the progress in my skill, just look at this juicy sketch!! I don’t believe I drew it myself.