i meant to post this like several days ago but fell into the void (lost front/body control) again. wall of text time

SO this is from the period of time after the war where applestrike and lightningheart are finally reunited but are now on different pages when it comes to their relationship. as she made friends in windclan, applestrike realized that the way they were thinking about each other wasnt healthy. but during applestrike's imprisonment lightningheart was exiled, fending for himself alone outside the territories and spiraling in on himself with rage and paranoia. they both deeply missed the other and were worried sick, but lightningheart didnt have any support at all and arguably only got worse.

so they finally see each other again and get through the big final battle and everything is finally over and lightningheart goes right back to clinging to applestrike, but applestrike doesnt cling back. and she's incredibly put-off by the reminder of exactly how they were living. she tries to encourage some independence in lightningheart, and tells him about the cats that helped her in windclan, but lightningheart just feels rejected and replaced. he gave up everything for her. he left skyclan for her. he cared too much about her to be worth keeping around once she'd been sent away. and while he was suffering alone and afraid, she was just making new friends and now she wanted to change their relationship?
(nevermind that applestrike never once asked him to do any of the drastic things he did for her)

but lightningheart gets scared of applestrike pushing him away further and stops voicing his fear, his jealousy, his petty upset. he overcorrects into going along with absolutely anything applestrike does or wants, trying to stay out of her way and never cause her to look at him the way she did during that argument, like she couldnt believe what he was saying. like she was disgusted by him. mad at him.
this does not work either because its weird and offputting and fueled by fear and it only makes applestrike more uncomfortable. lightningheart cant get it right. hes only making things worse.

in his desperation, he turns to the only thing he thinks will work now. applestrike is mad at him. he cant fix his behavior in a way that makes things any better. shes mad at him and she resents him and she'll leave him any day now for her windclan friends that actually saved her. shes mad at him. she has a right to be upset with him when he cant stop making things so weird for her. he deserves it. he tells applestrike that hes sorry for making her mad, just please dont leave, she can be mad at him, she can take it out on him. he can handle it. he's done it before.

through all the good and bad of his life in the clans, deep down at his core lightningheart is someone whose dad beat him as a kid.

this whole mess is extremely short lived because of course as soon as he tries this approach applestrike is HORRIFIED, no lightningheart i DONT WANT TO HURT YOU, I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU AND I NEVER EVER WILL, and i think being told that point-blank and her incredibly clear delivery of "that is the most fucked up thing youve ever said" kind of helps lightningheart get a viewpoint on how applestrike is feeling about their relationship. she was distraught and sad and scared for him when he tried this. logically he knows she's never ever wanted to hurt him, but it felt like that was all he had left. all he was good for anymore.



they make me so ill. do you understand. they love each other so so much and they sped the rest of their lives together they help raise each other's children but their whole apprenticeships and early adulthoods were spent under constant imminent death and they clung to each other for any sense of comfort. and then they were ripped away from each other. so their reunion digs up the huge amount of issues theyve developed over the course of the plot