Heh, thanks. *hugs* I think, in retrospect, that's one of the redeeming factors of this 'story': people see it in a part of themselves as well. They see their own problems and think about them, then see that they aren't alone in how they face them. Hopefully it can help inspire or something, but I'm still sorry to hear that you've been a bit down as well...

D=
That's... tragic, really.
Just gonna point out that that was perfectly coherent. ^_^;
A bit like Sloshed, I have a 50-50 myself.

Tragic, yes, coherent, questionable. Honestly, I didn't pay too much attention to what I was writing and just wrote on emotion, plus without the names or dialogue, I felt like a fish out of water. At least it was readable, though, huh?

Mm, true. It's a lot different to what you normally write, so that might be why you thought it was incoherent.
And yes, it was readable; I'm not sure it'd be easy for you to write something poorly, even if you tried. X3 And no, I don't do mindless praise. It's not my strong point.

Hey man, is good to see you around again. Been missing ya. <=3

And believe it or not, your story is something i can relate to, and not just because i consider myself a fellow buizel. Granted, i haven't had some things happen to me to the same extent as you but ido have an understandng of just how much it all sucks.
If you ever wanna talk, i'm always open any time of day on here and msn.

Again, tis great to see you around again.

Yeah, thanks, I've missed you as well, and hopefully you're doing alright. You've also had your fair share of unfortunate circumstances; actually, I think a lot of the readers of this have, so maybe that's why people seem to be finding it interesting... they see it in a part of themselves. Doesn't everyone want something to relate their problems to?

Heh, anyway, I'm planning on trying to sign on MSN again more regularly starting next week sometime. I think I need just a little bit more space for now, but I've at least started to open up again. Gotta count for something, huh?

of course, of course. take all the time you need.

and yea, i really could put myself in your shoesin this story. have myself pictued as a buizel also kind of made it more so.

I'm shaking, as well as feel cold.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm really relieved that you did manage to read the story, though, because that hopefully gives you full insight on a lot of the things I may have wanted to say or bring up but just didn't want to keep sounding like a broken record, heh heh...

It's okay, I know it wasn't your intention at all. I know how it's been, but like I said once I read it from your view I just... got hit by it twice as hard and felt extremely concerned... Your stories are as good to get in to the mind of characters as always heh.
You never sound like a broken record to me, and I never want you to feel like you don't have me ready to stand by your side to face whatever challenges shows up. Even if I can't help fight I sure as heck will support you. *nod*

Jesus Christ, that was depressing. Well, my life is depressing, but nowhere near that. And I agree w/ Shiraikingetsu, that was perfectly comprehensible.

Here's a bit of advice, always, and I mean ALWAYS, have at least one very good friend, one to talk to, cause once you have no friends, you're screwed, I was there, wondering if I should care about my life or not. It became a black hole of sorts, and I lost any intrest in the outside world, and all my friends were lost.

That's a different story, so I'll have to write it down on here one day. If you are in need, I'll be your friend, as I'm still kinda short on friends. I still have 3-4 friends who I can really count on, but most of them are moving, etc. I'm still anti-social in the outside world, but here I'm the complete opposite! Anyways, just pm me later, if you do want to be friends.

Sorry, didn't mean to pull a really sourly depressing story out of the blue, but I felt it would be more appropriate tucked away in scraps than some bitchy moany journal or something.

I do appreciate the advice. I've kept a circle of extremely close friends over the years, but in the past four months, I've lost all but one of them. At least I have him, though, heh.

It sounds like your story was not too different from my own, really; I'd be interested in hearing it sometime. I'll try to drop you a line when I get through things, but hey, if I forget, feel free to drop me one. It wouldn't be a hassle. Sometimes just being able to vent and let stuff out is important, even if it's to essentially a total stranger in a sense, heh.

I think experience is in the eye of beholder and you would probably be surprised. Don't doubt your ability to show support or to be there, because, well, even just saying a little something or a brief word of encouragement here and there can make a huge difference. And yeah, why wouldn't I care? I'm just not all that pleasant to be around at the moment, so you may find any friendship with me rather underwhelming at best.

Oh man... I think my heart just broke in two. I'm really happy to see you're still alive Zeph, though I sort of figured you were, which I only recently confirmed.

However, I can't help but feel extremely sorry for you, now knowing what all you've gone through when it comes to relationships... and that even the one with your best Buizel buddy went so downhill, after such a short period of time. I knew this probably wouldn't be a happy story, but didn't think it would be so emotional, that I could kind of relate to it. It really stinks... I would say don't blame yourself, but that'd probably be stupid of me to do so, knowing of your shyness now and your own problems, saying that I can relate. It's only been in recenter years that I thought I felt the signs of love and eventually found the courage to do so (with other males though), since I was always too shy and never felt anything with anyone I was close enough with before, but was mostly crushes... as I later learned, as the feelings sort of disappeared not long after confessing.

Kinda wished I could've helped at some point (since am not the Pikachu in your story, to those who read this, pretty sure I know now who it is *glances at someone above he forgot about*), if I kept on being friends with you like we were a few years ago, before your first relationship. As futile as it might have been, since I always have people's best intentions at heart. Since I knew of your problems with girls, but they just never seemed to come to mind, whenever I spoke to you, about any of your girlfriends at one point. I feel ashamed, even though I did really hope you had found someone to love for all time, despite some of your shortcomings, which I also forgot about, ugh.

Anyway, I really do hope you can find that part of yourself again, to be who you once were... and that maybe somehow, as futile as it might be for someone like you, no offense, that you'll actually find someone who loves you as you are and won't just lead you on, like your Buneary girlfriend and maybe your Vaporeon friend did. Not to worry, I'll wait as long as it takes, because I still consider myself to be your friend, even if it's a dead friendship essentially, due to lack of talking. And won't push you for more stories, while knowing you are like this, if we should talk again sometime in the near future.

No, don't feel bad, I keep quiet about a lot of my problems. That's my fault, not yours, and it's rooted in that shyness and timidity that I've always had. I just see little point in venting to person after person about my problems if I know it ultimately accomplishes nothing.

I'm just kind of done with that whole love thing at the moment. I've felt it in my stories, I know that I loved them all, but I know it also simply wasn't meant to be. I think I would be so much happier of a person if the whole concept of love and romance didn't exist, or if I were completely blind to it, because then I could focus on the more positive aspects of my life rather than dwell on the negative.

Ah, I see. Well, I'm kind of the same, at least when it comes to being shy and timid somewhat. I'm kind of that way when it comes to new people, but eventually, I open up after getting to know someone a bit. Also when it comes to saying how I feel, if I feel like there's more than simple friendship between me and someone else, though I haven't had to deal with that TOO much, in recent years.

I never thought about how futile it would be to just vent my frustrations, for me, with problems I've had to deal with, I always feel better when I share them with other people who know of my background. And I always did wish to move forward with my life, rather than staying in one spot, but just could never get to it... it's complicated though, and something I'd rather not get into on here. Maybe I'll fill you in, when next we speak, we'll see.

When you say it wasn't meant to be, do you mean being ultimately happy in a relationship? Well, as I said, will respect your decision, if you wish to take a short or even permanent break from being in relationships with other people. And I and everyone else will do what we can to help, so you will have some positive aspects to focus on, in the near future! If it hasn't already helped, knowing you have so many people who offer to help, heh.

Yes, that's what I meant. I'm not suited to be in a relationship. I've honestly forgotten until recently that my New Year's Resolution was not to fall in love again for the year, heh, so no since in getting worked up over anything. It's only counterproductive to my goal.

What exactly IS your goal you're referring to, if I may ask? Writing stories as an outlet for feelings that you might not be lucky enough to experience yourself? Or snapping out of your depression and funk you were in for the longest time? No offense, either way.

Not falling in love again.

Wow, that was very well written, and quite powerful too. Amazing work, you don't need me to tell you how good you are, you already know it ;)

Huh, well thanks, it felt a little lackluster, but at least it came from the heart. Most of it was written on my phone to be honest, and I didn't even really bother doing many edits other than a word here or there, so uh, well, I'm just glad that you thought it was halfway decent, heh. Thanks.

I don't see you for months, and you come back with this?
I dunno if I can be happy at all today...

Yeah, I know, it was a pretty douchebag move I pulled there, sorry. But at least on the bright side I'm back in some capacity or another rather than dead in a ditch somewhere, so hopefully that chips in at least a mild bit of happiness to your day.

I've walked down this road before. I got shot down by females that I looked toward males as well. It started off rocky with both of us being so damn depressive, but it was the only thing that kept us both going to today. Its not without its ups and downs, but once I stopped looking and chose to just live it became easier to bear till I found it in an unlikely place. Love will find you, it just feels like forever especially if you go looking for it. My only advice as being in your position before is keep your friends close since they will be there for you (and yourself to them), I made that mistake of not keeping friendships up and only have myself to blame.

Heh, yeah, I guess I tend to be rather notorious for abandoning friendships, and I sort of figured that this whole leave of absence was just another reminder that I could never keep friends for terribly long. Hopefully it won't be a mistake coming back, though. As for the whole love thing, I really don't know, nowadays I'm so scared and skittish when it comes to the idea, too frightful of the pain that comes at the end of it, that I would much rather just live life pretending it didn't exist. Maybe then I would have an opportunity to find happiness, because I've got a lot going for me outside of that one aspect.

You'd be surprised. Really I feel that you'll find love. Or rather it'll find you since you feel like a very nice person. If you need someone to talk to as I iterated before I'm here.

Hey man, I still consider you a good friend, so if ya need to talk hit me up~

Yeah, thanks, I appreciate it, and I'm sorry I haven't been around. Hopefully you've been doing alright while I've been away.

Been good, been bad, life goes on and so do I :3

Zeph. You know I'm your friend (no other people; I'm not THAT buizel). I'm still here for you when you want to talk to me. Email me buddy. Please. I don't have Internet on my computer (I moved) but I always have instant access on my phone. :) don't forget me buddy.

Yes, thanks, I'll be sure to do that. I could never forget you.

I think my heart just broke for you. It's stupid how some people in life just have everything handed to them while others have to work for it all only to have it taken away again.

Also I guess I finally know why all your stories are so heartwrenching.

Arguably, I've had a lot of other aspects in my life handed to me, so it's pretty snobbish dwelling over one petty little thing like love when I have a lot else going on. I need to keep reminding myself of that, to be honest...

But yeah, heh, I guess that does make for a good insight for the inspiration and where I draw my feelings from in my stories. The start of this story in particular actually predates my time as a writer entirely. I haven't been a writer my whole life and it was actually as a direct result of my writing that I met the Larvitar from this story, and I guess it just kept on going from there...

It's not snobbish at all. You could be the richest man in the world and still be unhappy with nobody to share it with.

I know some people, though, who have it so much worse off than I do, yet they still seem to have such a constantly bright attitude. I bitch and moan over love and relationships, all relatively minor things, when there's a lot of other things in my life that I have going great. To me, that does seem rather snobbish and over-dramatic, but I guess that's just me and probably my own self-loathing speaking, heh.

I guess it's a matter of perspective then.

I have not engaged in any relationship yet, so I don't really understand how you feel.
However, I like your writing, and you seem to be a pretty good person to me.
You deserve a happier life than this.

As long as you can consider yourself happy without a relationship, you certainly don't need one and you'll be bound to find one eventually.

Thanks, though, I appreciate it.

Geez, I had no idea. I've already said what's in my heart in your journal, so to say it again would just be repeating myself. That said, your writing (and I mean your true writing that you're passionate about, not your short stories) is the best I've ever seen. You say that honesty is the most important thing to you, and it is for me as well. Believe it or not, I'm being completely serious. You have a way with words that is unmatched, and this is a quintessential example.

I still have to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Even though your writing skills are in a league that I will never come close to reaching, it was your words of inspiration and kindness that sparked the fire inside of me to write for NaNo that year. Even if my writing is mediocre at best and the story was disjointed and crazy, I had the motivation and passion to keep going all the way to the bitter end (not just once, but twice now). Even if only 5 people took the time to read it, I know what I can accomplish, and I have you to thank for it.

I really hope this Buizel in the story opens up to the "friends who share a common interest" and talks to them again...

Yeah, I'm sorry if I didn't ever really open up about my whole life story. I think that sometimes overwhelming friends with that from the get go isn't really all that great of an idea; sometimes you just want to be free from it and move on from it, you know? Heh heh. But yeah, now you know, so I guess you can probably connect the dots and see it as an inspiration for a lot of my greater stories.

You've become one excellent writer in the time we've been friends. I may have helped inspire, but you had it in you from the very beginning, and nothing I did other than offer a bit of input here and there really was a direct aid to you. So give yourself some credit for that. I started off as a hopeful fledgling of a writer when I first started, only starting because I wanted to give back to those who helped inspire me, so I await the day when you hear of all of the fledgling writers you have inspired along the way as well.

But yes, don't worry, this story surely hasn't ended; it's just waiting for another chapter to be written, and I've already started writing it, so to speak, by returning. We'll see where it goes from here...

Fuck man...
Just... Fuck...

Yeah, fuck that shit, bro. Happens I guess, heh.

No kidding.
I'm left speechless from reading it...

You're a writer, Zeph. This is a story.

It's your choice how it ends, when it ends, and why it ends.

Now, I don't know if you subscribe to the common conventions and tropes of writing, but I see here that the hero of the story is in his darkest hour. Lost in a pit, in the darkest hour of the darkest night. But the hero is always a hero; He always finds a way out of the pit, some foothold in the dark. He finds it, and he escapes from the pit. The hero always escapes from that pit, and vanquishes the darkness in a blaze of glory. He goes into the light, and impossible yields to him. A happy ending.

Maybe you don't see it the way I do, but I see you finding that foothold in the next chapter. You've spent enough time in the dark.

I don't think you write enough happy endings. The time is ripe for another.

It's your choice though; You're the writer. I'll read it and like it however it goes.

You know, I've gotta say, I don't think anything else quite struck me like that. I've got a new quote to live by and mantra to stand by, heh.

Thanks, mate, it means a lot.

A quote to live by and mantra to stand by, eh? That sets a pretty high standard for me live by, I guess. Gotta live up to expectations, yeah?

Trust me, if ever you happen to run across another depressed writer, say that same mantra (except switch out their name, obviously) and you'll snap 'em right out of it. But I know it's at least helped and has proven to be an inspiration, so thanks for that!

I don't run into many depressed writers, but I find that personal empowerment based around mindset and how a guy carries himself can help often. Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears and stuff. Certainly gets me going.

The old stoic philosophers had some great things to say about that. I won't push it on you, as the stoics were a wacky bunch with a veritable snarl of inseparable values that I'm pretty sure I still don't get despite subscribing to, but Marcus Aurelius' Meditations is one of those things that gets my blood pumping to the get-shit-done muscle.

I want you to never give up hope. I hate to make your journey sound so simple. Life is presenting you with great challenges you must overcome. You're a good person, so don't ever let the pulsating evils ever let you think otherwise. Allow the power of your mind to overcome that of negative events involving others. You know you're great, all of us here know that. Don't let your perception of yourself be affected by that of other's opinions, thoughts, or actions. This is one of life's challenges itself.

You want to know what I think? I think some people are lucky to be born into a certain life, and others not so. Me, for example, I was born into a loving, caring family filled with not many hardships. An easy life. You were born into these situations and hardships. Why? I really can't say. But what I can say is that life is challenging your spirit. Your very soul.

You may say that your hopes always come crashing down, but that is another one of life's challenges you must accept, and conquer.
Build a strong, solid mind, Zephyr. A mind that looks at the darkness, and chuckles at it with confidence, or fakes to be scared. With this, you can, as I say, see the unknown not as your enemy, but as an adventure in which you embark on, and laugh at the weak darkness trying to bring you down.
We all, including myself, love you, and give you many thumbs-ups. =P

Also, I made this a couple of days ago. But now, this is my get-well to you, man. Not that I have any doubt in that you'll pull through.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5923065/

It sounds like you and I share the fortune of being brought up into a loving family. I keep forgetting that not everyone shares that same fortune, and that my pain is only a penny's worth to someone else's hardships. I don't want it to seem like my life has been excruciatingly hard, not at all; I think it's just my will has been weak and, despite the fortune elsewhere, have always been deprived of the one thing I wanted deep down all along.

I still think hope is the enemy of the good, but that's fine, because I don't have to live that way. Rather than hope to find the strong, solid mind, I'll build it myself, live for the moment, and not worry about what has or hasn't happened yet. Thank you, though, for your kind words, and for your touching piece of fan art!

First, I really missed you and Im really really glad of hearing back from you, would you believe me if I told you every time I came here was mostly to check if you had come back? And not just for your writing (which is awesome btw) but because something in your writing just kept telling me, he probably is a really nice guy.
Regarding this journal...that's really sad...and believe me I understand since for a long time I was like that too...It really isn't fair y'know? The shy, honest guy who fears being rejected when he opens up. The guy that gets all his hopes up with an incredibly small chance, and when he does he gets down because it just didn't work out as he wanted to...It's happened to me sometimes and believe me I understand that anger too much too, the one that makes you blame yourself for believing again...for getting your hopes up...for thinking it could suddenly fix everything out of nowhere...it's happened a little too many times to me too... Hugs* :'(

Thank you. *hugs* If there's one trait I never wanted to lose, it was my kindness, but back when I was going through the worst of my emotional bouts in January and February, I saw my kindness as a trait I had to dispose of, because it was more of a weakness to me than a curse. Ever get that feeling? Ever feel like your niceness is a curse? Like it'd be easier not to stop and help up the old man that just fell, or the lady that just dropped her groceries, or any number of other things?

I thought those things, yeah. But then I realized I'd rather die a nice guy that never got what he wanted but helped be an inspiration to others than a tough guy that thought only of himself and left any inspiration at the grave. We're all gonna die someday, but I know which way I'd rather die, heh.

That's such a nice way to think! And I completelly agree, I wish I could be as nice as you though, I might be mean at times when I have problems with my friends but I have always tried to help them as much as I can. I even buy them stuff knowing they will never be able to give me something in return just because I really like to see them happy and get a thank you, it's what I love the most.
Seriously it's waaay better being a nice person and sometimes feeling bad because at the very least, I love seeing others happy because of something I made.

Who doesn't have problems with their friends? I'm sure you're just as nice as I am. It sounds like you do a few steps beyond what I do, because I often times neglect simple gestures like gift giving. Just remember that niceness doesn't have to be quantifiable; just by being nice and doing the right thing, you're more set to be a good person and looked up to.

I don't really consider myself as such a nice person at times. For example there's this guy I keep trying to get along him, want him to be my best friend and all. But sometimes I get angry at him for not being able to get him to come to my house and play or something. Sometimes it isn't his fault though but since it's happened so much I do get angry at times...
I do apologize after that but anyway I wish I didn't get angry at all...
That doing the right thing, I feel I haven't gotten myself into doing that most of the time. I think I need to, I don't know get others happy even if they hurt me a bit...

If you're reading this before reading what I posted in your Journal, kinda disregard that. I didn't quite get the full background of why you disappeared when I posted that. I was only able to read this post just now because I didn't have the time last night. Also, forgive me for the harsh word(s) I gave out in the journal...

Anyway, I kinda feel sorry for you (not in an offensive way or anything), with your relationship going up then down then back up then ever lower and so on. It led you to a point that you saw yourself as someone who is useless or hopeless. Now, I got your emo/depressing aura and I don't like the negative feeling (since I never went this far into going diminished).

TBH, I've been staring in this Message Box for 3 Hours and up until now I dunno what to say. I might actually accidentally say something that'll make you feel worse. Nevertheless, I'll try to do my best to say my words properly...

First off, I'm disclaiming myself right now that I'm a love expert. Heck, I'm poor in socializing or building relationships (close/love relationships to be exact)! Heck, if ever I try to build up something, I might just end up like what you experienced. But to what I read, it seemed you had your feelings, instincts, stress, decisions, morals, and mostly everything else mixed up during those times which made you indecisive of your actions or whether to bet on something or not. True, outcomes can be hard to perceive (unless either you're lucky or if things eventually fall according to plan) most especially since anything can happen. But I've got to hand it to you for accepting defeat like a real Buizel you are. Some might even go way further than depression, but at least you were able to stay where you are and lived to tell the tale.

Second, this may sound stupid, but you may want to approach your family (assuming you have your mom/dad/relative/sibling to help you out in your situation) than always approaching friends. True, friends are a vital part of your life (No man is an Island idea). They're there (technically) when you need them, but nothing beats some advice from those closest to you - your family (unless you're not that close to your family due to some issues, than that may be a little bit of a problem). The point is, I've read that you've only been consulting friends with your problems. Well, you might want to try out telling the story to your family. You wouldn't know until you try.

Third, I'd like to say that we're somewhat related (well the path is a bit kinda off, but we both lost "loved" ones along our ways). You and I lost friends as well (not going through all the details this time). Yes, we both felt heart-broken. Up until now, I still can't forget the epic mistakes that I did to ruin my relationship(s). But, yeah, if it makes you feel any better, you may try to apologize to your friends whose feelings you've hurt whether directly or indirectly. Honestly say that you were in that state of indecisiveness and that you were trying to be happy and all, though your decisions and/or actions didn't really turn out so well. True, you may not have that Vaporeon, Larvitar, Buneary, Vulpix, or friend Buizel as mates, but at least try to make up for them by just being friends. There's nothing wrong with that. Friends are friends, and friends give space to other friends. If you really want to go into a relationship, try meeting other people. You're not limited to those who you know, already. Look at Sheldon from Big Bang Theory (though it is scripted, but you kinda get the idea).

Lastly...
*Gives a 24-Hour Hug... Don't release me from this hug; I just want to hug you tight to show that I sympathize to your scenario. You may cry or weep a bit, but so long as you have us Watchers... rather, acquaintances or furry friends here that care for you, you are not alone...*

Gah, you may find me kinda naive and childish with what I just posted. Again, I'm not a love/relationship expert nor do I know a lot on how these work. I was just trying to sympathize to your situation. I don't want to see a friend suffer, but it's hard for me to help a friend who I can't physically meet or who I haven't physically met ever. I really really really want to help, but to what I posted I might have just placed junk with glitter on it than posting cake on your page. I just want to have/see that happy Zephy like the one in my drawing... http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5014345/

Since you've got four points there, I think I'll go ahead and respond to them one at a time, because I love bullet points and orderliness in responses.

First, thanks. I know it was a very confusing time all around. It feels like a foggy haze at this point, which is probably for the best, because what I do remember of it made the dark ages sound appealing. There are a lot of people with a lot worse things to get depressed about, so I tried not to become so defeatist that it literally defeated me. I don't believe in easy outs, either.

Second, regarding my family, that's not an option. I'm not about to pull down the facade I've lived for the past, well, forever. None of them know I'm into this kinda stuff in that kinda way. They don't even know I'm a writer. They all believe it's my younger brother who is the writer of the family. He tends to steal the spotlight and attention anyway, and even though he's a great person and a good friend, I don't feel comfortable confiding in him or the rest of my family about these problems, either.

Third, I've always tried to remain in a friendly manner towards anyone who has, well, crossed my path, let's just say. I'm not going the extra mile by making efforts to regain that best friendship at this point; no, those days are far from over, that ship has set sail. What I am still willing to do is leave the doors open if they want to talk again, like I've done even over the course of this story, so that if they do want to talk, the awkwardness will hopefully be minimal. Hopefully. And don't discredit scripted romance: I'm a writer, lol, scripted romance is what I do.

And lastly, fourth, thanks. *hugs* I appreciate it. I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into thinking of not only just the things to say, but into the meaning behind everything. I really do appreciate it and I really do want to be that Zeph again. He was there. I have to believe he's still around somewhere.

First welcome back, love your writing.

Second life is a bitch, but its what makes life life, the harder you work at it often the harder you fall, but one day you will get a chance. Good luck, and have a nice day - Watcher, waiting more from you.

Thanks a lot, and yeah, true, very true. I guess I just have to keep working, heh. I apologize there may not be all that much to see from me for awhile, but at least, as of right now, I've caught my muse again, so that's at least somewhat of a positive.

it's good to see you updating more stuff... too bad theren't isn't much you place on Inkbunny

Yeah, I got in IB when it was like fresh out of beta, but haven't really done all that much with it. Now that a lot of people have jumped ship and I've gotten some more followers there, I'll probably keep up with it, since I like IB and how it looks there.

maybe you'll put up those pics of Swiss

Hey there, Zeph. *hugs*

I came on last night and saw you came back. You have no idea how happy I am to you hear from you again. In all honesty, I was worried about you. I knew before you left you were dealing with relationship issues. When you left, my worry intensified. You will never be a burden or a disappointment to me Zeph. My heart goes out to you Zeph, I am sorry you had to face these demons alone. I understand why you needed solitude, I have seen prolonged isolation make demons like these grow, you coming back and expressing your feelings is a huge step forward in my eyes. I know you think your not that pleasant to be around anymore, however I will always be your friend Zeph. I am using MSN now, if you wanna talk, look up this email, keaton_chirstopher@yahoo.com. I am just glad to be hearing from you again.

Hey, I'm sorry to have worried you, especially because I know you know how unsettled and unstable I was. I think part of me actually wondered when you'd have given up on me and accepted I was gone for good. I'm glad you didn't, though, plus I'm glad to hear you've finally gotten MSN. I'm hoping mine's still working since I haven't been on it in months, heh.

I'll have mine posted again publicly probably later tonight, after I get caught up with stuff again, so hopefully we'll have a chance to talk on that in a much easier way than over notes and journals, heheh.