Well, you have an excellent style for first person and are very strong in perspective voice in appliance to showing for your audience. That is something many other first person writers often lack. It opens up well and flows to the last to this chapters end in a fluid manner. You need to work on characterization and environmental description in appliance to first person to help shape the world for the audience. Beyond that not much can be said to as it is the first chapter of the work.

Best of luck with the rest of this project as you have a very solid foundation.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, ^^ You don't realize how much I appreciate your critique and comments. Its what I needed. ^^ I will definitely take what you said and use it.

Wow! Intense!

To me "adventures" like this are more than just a dream. Perhaps an astral place/location? Symbolic dream?
Hmm, maybe. What do younthink it means to you?

lol well I dunno about astral projection. If it was that would be some scary ass shit ! Cause those things in my story were scary as hell. To think my astral self being chased ... But I don't think so I get heavily influenced in my dreamsby what I read and watch. If I watch and read alot of supernatural stuff I tend to dream in that direction. But usually in my dreams I'm getting cased .. Which is a lil weird. I got a book about the meaning of dreams and nothing about what I'm dreaming about really corrosponds with what they are saying. I think I just like to dream aout epic stories.

But thanks so much I'm really glad you liked it!

Well it could a lucid dream. Ya never know!

Dreams like that amaze me and confuse me as from many reports ive seen on astral traveling is that your consciousness gets transferred to your astral body. Meaning you are aware of what's going on, as you are in the physical world. But these dreams seem like borderline of astral and lucidity.

Very mysterious.

Do you have a drawing of the shadow tendril things?

what's a lucid dream? And this chapter is not a play by play of how my dream started out. It's basically what happened. But I've tweeked some things and this wasn't the whole dream. The whole dream is like nine pages worth in my journal. It was one of the longest dreams I've ever had.
Also, I haven't drawn any serious pictures. But basically they are a heap of hair. More like horse hair than human. But each hair is alive and they use them like I had describe as said in my chapter. But also I added attributes in the story.. That even though it wasn't in my dream it feels so entierly right that if I kept dreamen it would have been in it.

A lucid dream is basically a conscious dream. You have complete control of your dream.

Aw, you mean this was an abridged version? Aw man, I want to read more!

IVE HAD THOSE !!! Actually I think I have those alot ! First off in alot of my dreams I am fully aware its a dream and for the most part Im just sitting back and watching where it goes. Then in several dreams I have had moments where I didn't like a certain part of it I would go back and changed it.

I had this scary dream once and I knew it was dream. But I was walken through my grandmas house and I looked out her back door. and outside on one of the hills in her back yard was Samara from the ring... just chillen on then hill. After I saw her I basically did a Oh hell no moment and woke myself up because there was no way I was gonna dream about that creepy girl.

This chapter though is pretty much what happens. I didnt change much. I added a bit more drama so that you could feel how intense this felt in my dream, and for the sake of the story and for less confusion i took a lil out. A couple of things that make total sense to me in my dream when I look back at it, just wont make sense to anyone else.

Plus this is only the first bit of my dream, there was a whole lot more to it. Im not sure if im going to have her dream it out or have it play out in the story.

Wow, lucky you!
Those Dragon Battle Dreams (and others kind of) were the lengthiest I've had and closest to lucid dreaming/astral travel. I haven't had any of those since those other than telekinesis and ice manipulation dreams.

I had one dream where I died... which usually is unnerving in most cases, but in this instance I didnt like the fact that I died and redid that scene so I was just horribly wounded. I think I just liked the attention from the main character guy, who i did have a crush on in the dream lol.

Yeah those dragon dreams are some serious deep shit lol ! Im almost done reading them all. The iguana one was so far the oddest to me. But T_T Bwah The violet dragon!!! I felt horrible when in your dream they torched her because she was from the city of darkness!

You have alot of dragon dreams lol. Ive never had such a strong connection with any animal, fantasy, or realistic. I love horses and Ive had a few with horses in them. But never to the extent of you and dragons. Though .... I have been having quite a few dreams lately dealing with demons ... Kind of creepy. But surprisingly in most they aren't bad.